I just get tired sometimes and wish I could sleep in, or go to bed early. Being a parents full-time carergiver is emotionally exhausting. Suggestions?

My Mom would do the same thing..sit in her chair and watch tv ALL day. After some resistance from her, I finally put her in adult daycare because I had to get back to work. The first day, I was worried the entire day..calling to check on her and such. It was awful...for me. However, when I picked her up she wouldn't stop talking. She was talking about the other elderly people there (gossiping, actually but I didn't care because at least she was stimulated) and the stuff they did all day. They would do exercises in the morning and do crafts...she would make fun of it, but I told her that it was good for her. They were stimulating her brain and getting her moving. She came home with energy like I had never seen, but also would wear her out so would actually sleep at night. Her sleep patterns were awful, but now they have leveled out.

I would definitely look into adult daycare or have a caregiver come into your home so that you may have some "me time". You are important too. Good luck to you. :)

This may not be medically correct, but I would argue depression is contagious. Helping your morher explore and deal hers is the right thing to do and you have various suggestions. I got te impression from your post that you had an active and friendly relationship with your mom and as she ages and inevitably becomes less able this has and will affect you. Please get some outside interest, with others.

You say mom is healthy, so she does not need round the clock care. Figure out a few hours a day or a week of activities you enjoy with other people. Do not let caregiving be the only focus of your life, particularly in this stage were balance sounds attainable.

Perhaps I am off base, if you want to sleep in once in a while, cool. If you are catching up on your zzzz, cool. If you find yourself staying in bed to avoid the situation.....red flag... Perhaps finding personal interests will help, perhaps it would be wise for you to see someone.

You are facing, aging, mortatility and the diminishing of someone you love. This is harsh stuff, please do everything you can to help and protect yourself.

YOU need to take care of YOU too! Contact an elderly care giving company in your area (in central KY, there is Caretenders). You can hire them for a few days so you can get some rest. It is emotionally draining to watch your loved ones deteriorate. I am my mom's care giver during the evenings, nights and weekends, and I know how emotional it can be.

And I agree with some others on here that your mom might be depressed. If she is cognizant of her situation, it can be scary and depressing to know that you will slowly lose control of your memories, your function in life; especially as you say she used to be full of life. Talk with her primary dr. and get them to recommend someone. If they don't know anyone, check out the therapists or psychiatrists in your area. Make sure they are familiar with the problems of the elderly and especially dementia and Alzheimer's.

Check out one for yourself too. it helps to talk with someone, believe me!

God bless you!

Sounds like your mom is depressed. Great that she is at least bicycling and getting some sunshine (Vitamin D). Get her to the doctor before you get depressed yourself. Two depressed people cannot help each other. Spend some time away from her with non-depressed people too. When you find her moods affecting you, get away (if you can because you don't say if she has dementia), go to a movie, attend an event where they is social interaction. Then tell her to get off the couch and do something. (Sometimes, that will motivate a person, but if she is in clinical depression, not much will help except perhaps an anti-depressant). Good luck!

Your Mom is depressed and you need to get her in to see a therapist of psychiatrist. They can and should help your Mom with some medication to overcome the present depression. I am saying this from experience, this is exactly what happened to my Mom. When she began losing her memory we took her to USC to see a Neurologist who told us that she had caused herself to develop dementia, but locking herself away and not doing anything. If what he said is true, then this could be what will happen to your Mom as well.

Your Mom has no medical problem that is going to take her life any time soon so if you do not want to go crazy just sitting around with Mom every single day you have to get her help to pull her out of the depression. It seems that people are more willing to get up and do something, if they are helping someone else. You might try that approach with your Mom and see if she would accompany you to a food bank or shelter where you would be helping someone less fortunate. Maybe you could see if you could volunteer to help at a pre school or rest home and see if maybe Mom would be will to help inspire them with art. Take her to church or ask her to go with you so you don't have to be alone. Take her to an exercise class at a senior center or invite her friends over frequently for lunch. She needs to get her mind busy.

I wish I had been a bit more forceful with my Mom and maybe she would not be as bad as she is today. She would just say NO and we would back off, now I wish I had pushed a little harder. We use to tell her that we were shocked and a bit ashamed that she would wish her life away, when so many people are ill and would give everything they own to have just one more day.

Don't give up on your Mom but you should engage her and push her more to do things and make sure you take her to a psychiatrist to get some medication for the depression. When she is feeling better, is when you will be feeling better as well. If you take her to these places then you will be out and about as well which will help you as well.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Please do not take this wrong, but at 91, riding a bike and sometimes reading, if I could get my Mother, 92, to do that, I'd be happy as a pig in mud. I am not belittling your problem, no matter the problem, as you said dealing with the problem day after day, is a drag and so tiring. As with the others, I think it might be depression. My Mother doesn't want to watch TV, listen to books on tape any more, I understand that, her dementia has progressed to the point she can't remember any of the story. Her sight and hearing are really getting bad, so no interest in TV. She only sits and lies on the couch, or sits in the kitchen staring out the window. I couldn't even get her to sit on the front porch to get some sun. She didn't want to eat or anything. I told the doc, after reading on here, that I think she needed an antidepressant. He said you might have hit it right. So, we started an antidepressant. I can really tell a difference. She still doesn't watch TV or listen to tapes or do hardly anything -- primarily her mood and health, but her mood is different and she eats a little better and doesn't talk as much about wanting to be with my deceased Father.

As another suggested, I contacted my Mother's church and let them know she needed visitors. So, people she knows stop to visit, usually only one a week, plus her pastor stops every week -- she enjoys it and it means a lot to her. It isn't much, but it is something. At this point, every little thing helps

So, since your primary health problem is diminishing sight, maybe check out some books on tape. You could try it first at your local library and an inexpensive tape player. Before my Mother's dementia got so bad, she loved them and listened to them all the time.

If your Mother likes the books on tape, and you can get her certified legally blind, you can get tapes delivered and returned free, from the National Association for the Blind. They provide a player and have a huge selection. Also contact your county or state blind association. They can provide things to help. My Mother received a CCTV -- to enlarge things to help her read them -- and other aids which will help your Mother live with her diminishing eyesight.

However, I read your profile and want to offer what I'd do concerning your sister and you getting some help. Sorry if this is off topic or you have already fixed it. But, the first thing I'd do is I'd buy a locked fire box to keep your Mother's jewelry and money in for when your sister, whom you don't trust, comes. If sister asked why stuff is in the box, tell her it is for safety reasons and don't let her know where the key to the box is. If she argues, tell her tough -- you are taking care of your Mother.

You said when she comes, she just sits around reading her Kindle and you count the days and hours until she leave. Next time you learn your sister is coming, you start planning what you are going to do for yourself. Either have a little trip out of town, or plan a spa day or go to the movies or get a manicure or visit a friend. But tell sister it is her turn to take care of Mother.

You have to take care of yourself. But do try as have been said here, try an antidepressant. I bet you'll see a difference and then you can see what books on tape might do. Good luck and hugs.

Some times people will do something to help someone they perceive as being in worse shape than they are and needing help. Maybe making blankets for sick children or whoever (even whatever) they may be interested in helping!

Everyone needs help with this job. Maybe you can hire a CNA, my mom is under care of hospice and they gave us a list of "helpers" that will come sit with my mom. (My mom's doctor referred us to hospice care.) Also you could ask the Alzheimer's Association for recommendations and help. Is there a senior center or church near you? They might have suggestions or know some people who might volunteer. Is there any family/neighbors/friends that could come be with your mom so that you can get a break? Not just a one time thing but on a regular and continuous basis? I don't think anyone can do this alone. Everyone needs help. As to the point about taking 45 minutes to write two checks, in my opinion everything goes better if we give our elder all the time they need to do tasks that were once quick and simple. It's like when you do something for the first time, you have to stop and think about it. For us we will speed up as we get used to a new job. But for people with dementia or an older brain everything is like the first time. Even if they just did something and immediately do the same thing again, it's all brand new each time. Thanks for all that you are doing, I know your mom really appreciates it even though she can't/won't say say so.

It is emotionally exhausting. I hardly have the time to write any comment.
Although I'm feeling compelled to write something. I care for my Mom full time also. I do the best that I can and let the rest go. I can't force my Mom to do anything so it's also not my fault if she doesn't want to. My Mom is very active for 85 but she has many irritating quirks since her alzheimer's kicked in. Like, just 2 min ago, I said to her, we need to pay the bills now and then go to the bank. Well, she completely ignored me and continued reading something that she has probably already read 100 times. So, I'm just goin to do my work until she's ready. And if the bank closes, oh well, I guess we'll have to wait till Monday. You see, I'm not on her checking acct so I can't just do it in 10 min.
She likes to do it herself with my help, which means I have to sit with her and watch her doing everything super slow. It could take her 1/2 hr to 45 min to write out 2 checks. Oh well. I think the most important thing for all of us caregivers is that we need to remember to take care of ourselves too!!!
The work we do will never stop. We do need to stop at times and have fun,
get away and rejuvenate so that we don't land up being the ones on antidepressants.

Get her involved with the local senior citizens. There is a lot she can do there and it will get her mind off herself. If no senior citizen project in your community, get one going or get involved with the church. Just get her mind off of 'self'.

I would definitely recommend having her see someone for the depression. The deteriorating eyesight can absolutely lead to depression on top of the other contributing factors. Think of how frustrating it is if you get sunspots, or your eyes are really blurry or if there is no light to see by. She should get a very comprehensive eye exam and see about a low dose of anti depressants. It sounds like you are doing well by her, by doing activities and making sure you both get exercise outdoors, but it also sounds like you may be trying to take on too much, as well. She may be becoming over-dependent on you. Are there any senior ladies groups in your area? She may need some other stimulation to keep her as lively as she sounds. :)

Yes, I agree w/ macada, it sounds like your Mom is doing well! My Mom can't walk very well anymore....a lot of it is eyesight related, I think, but she is very slow and can stumble easily, so that has cut down on our walks we used to do. We still do them, but there short and SLOW. I'm thinking about getting some kind of study wheel chair that we could push, until she gets tired, then she can sit while I push her, so that way I can still get the walks and the exercise that I used to love, taking the dogs with us. My Mom doesn't do anything anymore except wait for me to entertain her, or take her somewhere with me (which I have to do when I go anywhere.) I've found it helps a lot to give her little chores to do. She enjoys feeling useful. She was artistic, as well, formerly. But shows no interest in drawing, painting, and reading anymore. But she will do the chores happily, like dry mopping the floors, folding laundry, dusting, and unloading the dishwasher. It takes up some of the time, and even though I have to redo some of the stuff, it gives her the happiness of feeling useful. Another suggestion, maybe your Mom is depressed. You could possibly speak to her Dr. about trying a low dose of Lexapro or some other anti depressant to see if it may help improve her bummer mood, and give her more energy or desire to do some things she used to enjoy. I know what you mean about your own mood being affected by the downer mood around you day in and out. Luckily my Mom is fairly happy (but as I said...I have to be the "happy maker." ) Without me around, she's like a lost little toddler. :(( Exhausting for me!

It sounds like your mother is depressed. Can you get her to try antidepressants? That might help you both. Good luck!

If all that is wrong with your mum is her eyesight, couldn't you sleep in for a little bit?
Do you drive? If so, tell her you are taking her out for a surprise and then take her to a movie or somewhere she can "people watch". Even though she probably says she is not interested in a group activity with other seniors if you get her to go once she might enjoy the interaction with others. If she can ride a 3 wheel bike, she is doing well !!