Second post. As I wrote before my husband has dementia. Our beloved son 56 did not wake up last monday. We will not be telling my husband. Calls have to be made, a funeral has to planned and this is hard to do with husband in the next room. He keeps asking me if I'm all right and I say I don't feel well and didn't sleep, which is certainly true. My other son and i keep making excuses for leaving the house to plan. People keep calling and I have to keep going outside to make calls, etc. I will have to put my husband in a respite when the funeral approaches which he doesn't need yet and this will have to be lied about. Greg is being cremated which was his wish. He believed in a higher power but was not a church goer. We are planning a memorial service. Greg was outgoing, funny and loved people, and everybody loved him. A very large birthday party of his friends was planned for this weekend and they are making it also into a memorial for him. We are tentatively planning a memorial in ou town the following weekend, but the logistics overwhelm me. He lived 6 hours away and his friend memorial is 65 miles from us. Any thoughts are welcome.
Through this whole ordeal, you must remember to take care of yourself. Please try to get some rest whenever possible....maybe a little longer respite??? Don't forget to eat. Seek out the help any friends, family or neighbors may offer. You are in my prayers.
I suggest you contact your local Alzheimer's Association and ask for support and advice. Even if your husband doesn't have Alzheimer's specifically they should be able to help you. I wish I could reach through this computer and help you in some way. My heart goes out to you...
I will pray for strength for you and for your family.
L
If you carefully seat your husband and strategically place any photos of Greg at the services, you may be able to bring your husband to the services without indicating exactly whom you are saying goodbye to you. This is perhaps over-presuming that you could manage or divert others, I may not fully understand his condition, from coming up and having conversations about condolences.
Please, I hope you have a friend or neighbor (close or not!) that you can share this grief and overwhelming feelings with. Consider hiring some temporary in-home help for a few hours a day (through a reputable care agency) to ease the day to day burdens and allow you to get out of the house or take a walk, etc. Maybe the CNA helper can take your husband out on some outings, to lunch, etc. so you can get some much needed rest, cry and let your anger out in private for now.
You and your family are in all our hearts. Please come here whenever you need.
-- Abracao.