Okay, this is such an insane way to live! i feel invisible and isolated trying to "break through" but i can't ever seem to catch my breath...life feels so out of control...it's been over a year now and My doctor just wants to prescribe meds for my depression, but it is so much more than that....I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. My poor dear parents, sob sob...what a heartbreak.
Do you have siblings? A husband? How long have you been taking care of them? Do they have the finances to afford a part time caregiver from an agency to give you respite?
I took care of both my parents as well for over 4 years and there were days where I thought i was going crazy. I have no siblings to help. You're probably dealing with their dysfunction which complicates things and increases the stress that's already there! Please keep posting and sharing what you're experiencing. That's what we're here for.
Take care of yourself the best you can and know we're all here for YOU.
Hugs,
Smitty
Now, if completely rely on your parents for room, board, and other perks, then caring for them is your job. In that case I suggest developing some sort of support network -- e.g., inviting the extended family over every now and then, developing mutually-beneficial relationships in your neighborhood, visiting senior citizen centers for tips, and dropping by churches to identify good samaritans that do reach out to others if only to spread the Word.
Time management is of the essence, so try to get yourself and your parents on some sort of steady schedule. That should save you brain cells and the occasional trip to the shrink. Good luck.
Before I moved my mother to a nursing home I was caring for her 24/7. Alzheimer's took away her ability to care for herself in every way. She couldn't remember what she did 5 minutes ago and she became an angry woman.
Although she was living with my father in an addition to our house I still needed to provide all her care. My father was incapable and intolerant of her decline.
Hiring someone to bathe her helped as far as the safety issue yet frustrated her even more. It progressed to the point where I felt the need to sleep on their sofa to be closer by. I had to stop working and my family on the other side of the house were on their own.
When my father ended up in the hospital for heart disease related issues my world collapsed and I called my doctor to prescribe meds for me so that I could cope. I felt like I was trying to keep balls under water.
Long story short - my mother is an Alzheimer's unit at a great nursing home which her SS and Medicaid are paying for. She's happy again - partly because she's away from my father, mostly because her needs are being met by people who actually know what they are doing.
My father is the one needing care now (he's 97) and I do the minimal for him. I have a bad history with my father. He's always been selfish and an emotionally abusive man. I will not be sleeping on his couch or attending to his toileting needs. The thought repulses me.
He has been offered every option available to make his life easier but refuses all of them. Would I like to go on meds again - YES. But I need to make a sound decision for him and for the well being of my family.
Ughh . . .Many of you do so much more than I would ever be willing to do. If we lived in a tribal culture we'd all help each other out but in our culture caring for elderly parents doesn't work very well.
To stay on topic I also felt out of control and invisible until I made the necessary changes for my mom. Now I'm there again with my father. I'm stronger now.
He will be moving soon as his physical condition is declining quickly. I'll probably need to use my DPOA to place him in the nursing home because he's fighting me on it all the way.
Life is difficult . . .we learn . . we grow. Hopefully coupled with compassion for those we care for and mostly for ourselves.
Be well and don't lose sight of your own needs.
There is a light there, it's just blocked right now. It'll come clear.
Good luck, my thoughts are with you.
If you become sick, then who will take care of your parents. There is help though. Just look up DSS. They are great and can help with almost anything.
Also, don't forget to keep up with your favorite activities. That is very important. Go see a therapist if you have to. Someone who will listen and be able to give you help. That is what I am doing. It helps to have someone less, and not judge you. Plus, you need to get help. You can't do it allow. Trust me; been there, done that. I became burnt out and am almost there again.
You need to have a journal to write down what you are feeling. Look for support groups. Know how awesome you are for Caregiving for 2 parents. It is a very hard job. But, it is very rewarding. I have learned so much patience and kindness. My mother had a stroke and is disabled. My father has Dementia, and his organs are starting to shut down.
It came to a decision that I seriously had to think about. So, I did something that broke my heart. I choose to grant my Dad's dying wish. I sent him to his family in WA State. It was the hardest decision of my life. He was so miserable, and wanted to see his family again. He was with me and my mom 1500 miles away from his family. Knowing that it would be the last time I hugged my Dad; really affected me; but in the end I knew I had made the right choice.
I fought my siblings every step of the way, and finally got my mom to realize how happy he would be. He has since gained weight, everything is stable, and he Skypes my mom all the time.
In the end, we only get our parents for a certain time; so enjoy what time you have left. Listen to what they want, and make sure to become POA. It is very important. I have and will always follow through on what my parents asked for.
Think on how you would want to be treated.
Good Luck, and God Bless you for the awesome job you are doing. Hang in there.
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