She has depression, OCD, and hoarding issues as well as walkin problems due to weak knees and legs. She has GI problems, and worst of all she has a UTI which causes more mental issues. Because of my mental issues it puts serious stress on me. I really don't want to take care of her anymore even tho she lives in a senior assisted living me. I am the default button for her care. How do I turn the computer off?
I do my best to be there for the people I love but I also pay close attention to my own needs and limitations. That means getting enough sleep, exercising on a regular basis and trying to eat healthy foods. I belong to a local support group where I can safely talk about what is going on in my life. I pad my schedule to allow time for "crash" days which are a part of my illness.
Most important... I am learning to ask others for help and to say no when I need to. AND to let go of guilt. We live in New England which means lots of snow. There is no way we can get out to my parents house to shovel every time it storms, neither can my siblings. We have all gone when we could but that accounts for maybe half the storms. I was feeling terrible guilt because my Mom, with the pacemaker and OCD, would call and tell me how she and my Dad almost passed out trying to clear the side walk and driveway. I spent the last 5 winters begging them not to shovel, to hire a local person but they did not want to spend the money. Finally I just let it go. When it snows I don't even ask... funny thing, this year my Dad finally got the name of someone who hires out to shovel. Hmmm..there is a lesson here.
Anyway I guess what I am saying is this. It does not have to be all or nothing. Do what you can and turn the rest over. Take care of yourself.
Your role should simply be loving your mother, by phone, by sending notes and cards, and with in-person visits. You need to turn the "default" button over to the care staff. This probably will be difficult and may not happen all at once overnight, but it does need to be done.
Imagine that you live across the country. Who would do these tasks for Mother? The professionals in her facility, right? You don't have to move across country for that to happen.
Good luck with your health issues.