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How to balance looking after your own mental health needs while being a caregiver. My mother has never been an easy person to share my feelings with. She's not the most sensitive/tactful person and tends to be very negative.

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I have a diagnosed mental illness that requires several medications a day and as long as I take those medications and pay attention to warning signs I am ok. But caregiving has pushed this illness to the limit. And like any chronic illness I need to take care of myself in ways that work for me so I'm not juggling caregiving AND symptoms of the illness. But it takes work on my part. Just as a diabetic may need insulin shots several times a day or someone with COPD may need nebulizer treatments, I need to take care of my illness so it doesn't get out of control. This may sound stupid but I make sure I get enough sleep. That in and of itself can be work but I don't apologize if I have to go to bed at 8pm some nights. I also ensure that I have at least one whole day where I'm not running around doing errands, working, or doing housework. I make myself sit and rest. One more thing I do is I get up in plenty of time to ease into my day. I am not good at hitting the ground running in the mornings. I need to be slow and relaxed and I've found that this enables me to have a better day.

So take care of your personal well-being. Come up with some rules for yourself that you follow in order to maintain good mental health. Unfortunately many of us are surrounded by people who think mental illness is a weakness or a character flaw. They may not understand our need to take our mental health into consideration. That's been my experience. But I take care of myself anyway because when I'm not in balance for extended periods of time it affects everything I do from parenting to working to caregiving. I guard my mental health and take it very seriously. But if I were to explain that to someone who hasn't experienced it they wouldn't understand so I don't discuss it with anyone. I just do what I need to do to stay mentally healthy regardless of what's going on around me. It takes practice but I've gotten the hang of it.

Take care of you :-)
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kmaier, I am so sorry to hear about your husbands passing. Please, please you need to find time to grieve his death. Your mother will suffer, your children,your pets and your job. We have to find time for us...I make sure and have a walk before my care giving day starts, eat healthy meals and try to get enough rest, even if it is in the afternoon when Mom takes her nap. I wish I could do something for you, just talk and get your feelings heard, this may help. It did me, I have found a mental healing with this website. Thank God for all of you!!!!
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I to have mental issues, I am bi-polar but under control with new medications. I am the 24/7 caregiver of my 94 year old mother. As I told the doctors years ago I hate the depression but love the manic, both are under control. I was very hurt by my brother telling me he read it is harder to care give having mental issues and I may not be the right person for this job. His solution would be to put Mom in AL. My heart is so full of love!! This is what counts. Through thick or thin I will always be here for my mom, just as I was for my father in law during his last days. I know myself and I can tell if I need a change in medication or counseling help before my state of mind changes to much. We are caring, loving people too!!!!
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I am quickly developing them. When my Mom's dementia started becoming very noticeable, I also lost my husband to cancer. I have not had time to grieve his death. I sometimes catch little glimpses of the pain that I am in. But for now, I just don't have the luxury of grief. ( I also have an 11 and nearly 13 year old ...plus 4 pets, a household to manage and 2 jobs)
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I have been in and out of depression since I was a teenager. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that a wonderful psychologists linked my suicidal tendencies to traumas I experienced in my childhood. Now in my 50's I have managed to stay strong and on an even keel until my stepfather died and my mother started looking to me to take care of all her wants and needs. At first it wasn't so bad, but her demands increased to a point where now I avoid her at much as possible except for medical appointments. Her needs upon me were so overwhelming and the guilt for not wanting to meet them all caused an increase in drinking just to cope. I knew I could not go on this way, I was slowly killing myself. So I sought out counseling and doing so realized I was not capable of being my mother's future fulltime caregiver. The guilt I was feeling was because of the type of person I am, kind and considerate. The avoidance was a survival instinct to keep myself emotionally safe. With this guidance and understanding I can still help my mother, but only from a distance and not hands on. My mother will never understand where I am coming from, she is to needy, codependent and self indulgent. So I continue to do what I can and try to not dwell on her situation with anger and guilt. Her future is not my future.
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*raising hand. Yup. I have OCC and panic attacks. And my daughter , an awesome 16 year old, has multiple disabilities. I am not my Mom full time caregiver, my80 year old Dad is but I do try and give him breaks and it is assumed , I am pretty sure, that if/when needed I will take over her care. I don't know if I have it in me to take her on full time or if my daughter could handle it. I really love the idea of it but it just may not be feasable. In our home, I mean. I will take care of her but may need to have her on an AL or something if anything happens to Dad. I have a very supportive husband but I can only ask him for so much before I break him. :0/.

Soooo, how about you? Do you balance your needs well? It is hard.
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i wasnt the poster boy for stability even before caregiving if thats whatya mean..
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Very helpful to hear how others deal with their mental health issues AND being a caregiver. Talking about it decreases the feelings of isolation. We need to put our mental health first before anything or anyone else in order to have the continued strength needed to be caregivers.
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I am the sole caregiver to my daughter who lives in a nursing home with a severe tbi. I always had severe anxieties. I was on all kinds of meds over the years. the only med that worked really well for me was valium strangely enough.
I have on my bedroom wall a saying. it goes.:
' if you ae depressed, you are living in the past.
if you are anxious you are living in the future.
if you are at peace you are living in the present'
written by lao Tzu
I find a lot of peace when I read this saying. there is a lot of truth in it.
thank you
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coulditbeme, we've had a few mental health threads on AC. A surprising number of us, myself included, have anxiety disorders. I have had a few bouts with panic disorder. It affected my life greatly and still does. If someone asks me to hop on an airplane and go to Italy, I can't even imagine being trapped that long in a flying box over the ocean. SCREAMMMM! So no Italy for me.

Having a mental illness also affects the way family sees you. Even if it has been years, they still remember the "crazy" person you once were. If I mention anything about the panic, people just get real quiet. They don't really get it when it comes to these things that are so common for many.

coulditbeme, you didn't mention what was wrong except you had a mental illness. It may be the reason you didn't get any replies. I found myself wondering if it was anxiety, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, personality disorder (going out of manual now), or something else. There are a lot of us here that do have histories talked about in other threads. I wonder if it in some way may have led to us becoming the caregivers.
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