Caregiving guilt; Am I wrong to understand that I cannot ‘supervise’ 24/7?

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Caregiving guilt; Am I wrong to understand that I cannot ‘supervise’ 24/7?

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Sometimes I feel enormous amounts of guilt because I am caring for my dad (84) who is in excellent health physically, he can shower, dress himself, eat, he is continent, takes no meds, can read, hearing is ok (most of the time), non- combative. But my presence is needed because he is in an altered state of reality 90% of the time. The main point of my daily frustration lies in the fact he does NOT want assistance with ANYTHING even when it is apparent he is struggling.

My catchphrase as of late is “this is not an insult to your manhood...”

His memory is that of a gnat at this point. He gets upset that I don’t “see” the things he sees (which are many...)

The point of this is to say I read so much about caregiver burnout, but I don’t keep track of endless trips to doctors, keep tabs on enormous amounts of meds, deal with the frustration of convincing someone to bathe, eat, dress. I am not caring for someone who is bedridden, incontinent, wandering. Yet, I feel myself reaching a boiling point when my efforts are pushed away. I catch myself wondering if my “it is what it is” attitude will truly help me along. Are things really that bad? Is mental burnout the same as ‘caregiver burnout’ ? truly, in comparison I don’t consider myself a ‘caregiver’... more of a ‘supervisor’ at this point.

Am I wrong to understand that I cannot ‘supervise’ 24/7 ? My gut says even when I am sleeping, my back burner is on (he has wakened me several times for various ‘intruder’ reasons...) I feel even while sleeping, I am subconsciously thinking of the fact he could be wandering through the house and I wouldn’t know it. Should I hire someone just to be in the house overnight so my sleep can be solid? Is there such a thing? Am I being too much of a pansy? I feel the comfort of knowing someone else is available while I sleep may help me better endure this marathon.

Delusions Family Caregiver Hallucinations

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So, have you brought up his delusions and altered mental state with his doctor? With a geriatric psychiatrist? Is he getting meds for these very serious issues?

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how could you think you are being a pansy when dealing with a person with the memory of gnat (ok and I get using that word). you say you have guilt because you don't have it as bad? but you do....yes you are lucky he still wants to bathe and can still dress. my mom is not combative...but the dementia is a constant smack in the face. it never stops. my mom is in AL though. im with(visit) her 4 hours twice a week.(and that can be 'trying') being with someone 24/7 (I did some with my dad temporary) but it wore me down- made my brain do a mini blow-up. (I had no dementia skills at that time.) *ps my mom is a good lady, just horrible dementia.

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Yes, I agree with Barb about his seeing things. There r meds if this is a constant thing.

I know you feel Dad is OK at this point but I would suggest finding an AL now. I say this because when my Mom was in her AL they brought a man in who was pretty much into his Dementia. The front door had a pad to key in the code to get in. But the fire doors could be gotten out of. They had alarms but after so many seconds the residents could get out. This poor man tried to get out continuously. I heard one of the CNAs say he was brought in too late. Just before Mom left, I hadn't seen him. Have a feeling he went to a NH. Its been said on this forum, and I hope I can explain this correctly, that you have to get them used to an AL while they are still pretty much with it, so they can except it as their home when they are further into the Dementia. Your Dad will only get worse. He will need more care than you may want to give. Dementia can be a long road. My Moms journey was 6 yrs at least and some subtle signs before that. ALZ can be years, my Aunt 12 from diagnosis to her passing and there were signs before that.

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LH, I know what you are feeling. Am I ( or WAS I) truly a "caregiver" or only a "supervisor" when I am (was) ONLY?!? taking care of my Mom's Ancillary ADLs (driving her to doctor appointments, or church/social events, paying her bills, cooking her meals, cleaning our house. etc.)? Do I have the right to post a question or vent my feelings on this website when I am ONLY a "Supervisor" of my Mom?

Mom and I lived together for 9 years until she experienced a sudden decline related to depression because of the death of her younger brother (age 83) and older sister (age 91) within 1 month of each other. Mom is now in a Memory Care Unit and needs help with all ADLs (dressing, bathing, transfers with a "Easy Lift", etc.), and uses a wheel chair instead of wheeled walker.

Like you, I slept with "One Eye Open and One Ear Open" and my mind never really went to sleep as I was always listening for Mom to get up during the night. The lack of restful sleep caused my stress level to rise and I was ready to move out of the house when Mom unexpectedly was hospitalized and then admitted to the nursing home in May 2017. {Mom said repeatedly that if I hadn't been living with her, she would have ended up in an assisted living facility 4 or 5 years ago.}

If you are concerned about your Dad wandering at night, there are various visual items that you can purchase that help you monitor the person who is wandering and/or help deter people with dementia or Alzheimer's from going through a doorway. Bed alarms work great and can be purchased pretty inexpensively on Amazon. A baby monitor can be placed in your Dad's room. There are “Stop Signs” made especially as visual deterrents for wandering that you can put across the door leading to the outside of the house. Many of the signs are attached with Velcro-like fasteners so that you can take them off anytime you want to. The sign will have to be removed prior to your loved one going out the door.

https://www.alzstore.com/stop-sign-banner-p/0134.htm

https://www.caregiverproducts.com/posey-stop-sign-door-banner.html

https://www.mindcarestore.com/stop-sign-banner-p/mc-0134.htm

Just because you are a "Supervisor", you are also experiencing the stress of caregiving like everyone else. Take care of yourself.

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It is Sunday, August 12th and so far only three people have responded. Let's see if anyone else feels that "supervising your loved one" can result in "caregiver burnout" just like physically take care of a loved one.

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Hi there. My mom is also not incontinent and she can dress herself. She has a few memory problems but I am more than familiar with the calls late at night and she feels that I’m “insulting her womanhood” if I try to make suggestions or intervene. I don’t know what tag name should be put to it—whether it is supervisor or caretaker—but I can tell you this that it is draining and you should not feel guilty about it at all.
I have two aides for Mom. I work and I’m an only child with a husband. No children. The aides share their hours. My suggestion is to try to get someone to give you some rest. You are always going to worry about him but you may get some peace of mind knowing he is being looked after at night. I wish you well.

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All caregiving can be stressful. Even “supervising” someone. It is a huge weight of responsibility and yes, it can cause “caregiver burnout”. Take care of yourself. Perhaps there is a way to get in some outside help to give you some time each week to totally put your caregiving responsibilities out of your mind and do some “self-care”. I know that when that can happen for me it is so very refreshing and gives me a fresh start to keep moving forward on the caregiving journey I am on. My mom lives with me and can do most things for herself. But there are times her mind is not good and also times she wanders at night. I don’t have to do all the things many have to do on a daily basis, but there is still that very heavy weight of responsibility that comes from having the full brunt of the responsibility for a loved one, or anyone for that matter. I work from home, but my job is outside managing a very busy farm....I am in and out of the house many times a day checking on my mom and she is always on the forefront of my mind. I totally get it.

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You absolutely are a caregiver and you are absolutely NOT a pansy. The issues you are dealing with are stressful, upsetting and overwhelming and yes, if you can manage it, hire someone to be with him overnight so you can get some solid sleep. Is there any way he would go to a day program to give you the ability to have free time for yourself during the day to take care of life in general?
There may be some meds that can help with the "hallucinations"(?) he may be having, or meds that can help him to feel calmer and less stressed over what he cannot and does not remembe.
Please do not compare what you are going through to anyone else's caregiving journey. Yours is stressful and burnout happens for a host of reasons without needing to minimize your stresses in comparison to others' stresses.
If moving your father to a supervised (memory care) facility is an option for you, please consider that. As stressful as it is to watch a parent decend into dementia, it is much more stressful to live with it 24/7 vs going to visit for short periods of time throughout the week. It's painful enough to lose a parent while he's still here.
Think about what your options might be. Once we explore options we tend to feel less stuck as we explore and are open to other possible arrangements, and that alone can help to ease some stress and burnout...
wishing you greater ease... and we breathe...

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I am coping with a similar situation. I think some of my stress is because I know Parkinsons is progressive and I need to stay tuned in to be ready to make decisions and take the next step when changes occur; it is up to me because no one else live closes and sees things day-to-day. Being alert all the time is very tiring. I tell myself I just need to be ready to forgive myself if I am not alert at a crucial moment.

The hallucinations are awful. When they progress to a paranoia stage it will be something I cannot handle. Knowing just when that may happen keeps me on edge. Probably I need to get a plan and location in place just to be more ready! But that is hard when my spouse doesn't think he is that bad off. I'm not sure I am ready for that either!

I share all this just because I think there are many of us in similar situations.

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I saw in your profile that you left family and quit your job and moved 300 Miles to live with your dad. You don’t say what type of dementia your father has. But regardless you sacrificed A LOT to live with him. So that is not a reason for guilt or calling yourself a pansy. You moved to care for him so yes you are a caregiver ...there are levels as you mentioned. Regardless it is a mental strain on all of us no matter what type of care we give.
If you can move him to a memory care unit then that is an option...maybe near where your family is. Or else realize you could be in this position for years and it won’t be getting easier. The sooner someone’s moves the better and the socializing and exercise is helpful and necessary. Being only with you 24/7 is not good for him or you.
If I may, I would suggest you see a talk therapist in order to vent and also to get coping skills. Hire some people to come in so you can get out and be just you ... get exercise, go have lunch, a movie, a massage, or whatever. Also consider checking him into respite somewhere and go visit your family for a week. But you need a break or you will crack and have a melt down at some point. Ask me how I know!? Please post anytime, no guilt...and let us know what you decide.

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==>My catchphrase as of late is “this is not an insult to your manhood...”<==

Yes it is an insult to his manhood - you made it one by using this phase. Is your tone when you use these words as inpatient and condescending as the words themselves?

Please try something less emotionally loaded and insulting like "everyone needs a little help on occasion" or "you've helped me out plenty of times, let me return the favor".

Maybe the greatest challenge caregivers face when interacting with memory impaired LOs is responding to the repeated questions/interactions with the same _kind_ tone on the tenth repeat as the first. Our LO cannot avoid repeating behaviors they do not remember taking - can we control ourselves?

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Not trying to be insulting or start trouble, but have you ever had to take care of an exerly person who doesn’t want help, but wants you there 24/7 and you get no sleep? And you were doing it for over a year or more? Let me tell you that with some moms and dads, it can be extremely trying and the most intelligent and kind person in the world will change their tone and demeaner when they are sleep deprived and are on call 24/7 mentally and never get a break. We are never taught in school how to be verbally elequent and how to manipulate our words and fine tune them for every situation. So you try all kinds of things to say, in hopes that the person you are caring for, is not insulted, and goes into defense mode. Walking on eggshells 24/7 is demanding and emotionally depleting. I think you say all kinds of things to try and keep the person calm as you try to explain things things or tell them things in a manner to not start explosive behavior on their part. Most of them will immediately put up a huge wall and do the exact opposite. And most, no matter what you say and how you say it, will say “ no” to it, for whatever reason. It’s always extremely delicate when you try to say something to them and each time you start a conversation, you have to spend a few hours I. Your head trying to come up with a way to approach them and start a conversation without them thinking you are going to harm them in any way. I’ve been all through this and if you have to do it for 24:7, without any help or breaks, you try anything and everything , just to find a way to communicate. It’s hard. It’s so incredibly difficult and it is depleting to the caregiver. This is why we get caregiver burnout. This mental part is the worst thing anyone can go through and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy!

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Sleep deprivation takes a great toll - on your health, your temperament, your thinking, your ability to perform basic functions for yourself. You need to develop some method that lets you get adequate sleep. A security system with a monitor on your dad's bedroom door so that if he's getting up at night you at least know it. If he is getting up at night, maybe hiring an attendant at least few nights a week would be good. Dad's doctor may be able to prescribe medication that would help with night wondering (not always sleep medications, sometimes this behavior is anxiety driven).

You may also find you have anxiety problems as you adjust to having someone else in the house with unpredictable behaviors. You are also going through a lot of adjustments in your life having moved to care for your Dad. Change is stressful! If you don't seem to adjust in a reasonable time (at least enough to sleep well), consider discussing with your doctor if a mild anti-anxiety medication would help.

Mothers with young children usually develop a way of sleeping where they can become alert very quickly when the child wakes. I sleep this way now that my Mom has moved in with me. Since my room is across the house from my mom, I have a baby monitor in the hallway outside her room so I can better "hear" what's going on.

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You are a dear daughter and are doing your very best. You can only do so much. Have you explained to his Dr. all his symptoms? A good Dr. that understands aging and dementia, can prescribe meds that can calm and remove the restlessness. My mother became more pleasant and easy to help after she was on the right meds. It can help him and that means it can make life a little easier for you. You must take care of yourself and know your limits. There is always help available although it comes with a cost, but having the right help is worth every penny!

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I was going through the exact same thing as you. I never got a break. After almost 5 years, I had a meltdown. I live with my mom and so my sister took her for 2 straight months. It took me a month to feel better, and realize that I can’t keep pushing myself 24/7. We got my mom this thing you wear around your neck like a necklace. If she presses the button, the police will automatically come to the house, and it has GPS too, so if I run to get groceries , etc., and she falls in the back yard among the trees, they can find her. It has been a huge relief because I can’t afford to hire anyone. I heard that if mom or dad were I. The military and had or have any kind of disability, that the spouse might qualify for something called aid & attendance. Only thing is, like your dad, my mom can do everything. She really is like a quite healthy 55 year old most of the time, but she is starting to forget things and she trips a little and looses her balance just a little now, so I don’t think she will qualify for help. But if your dad is not in reality and has mental issues, maybe the VA will accept that as needing help. All I can say is that if you can afford to pay for help, hire Simone at least twice a week to come be with your dad, and get him the thing to wear around his neck. My mom has finally stopped waking me up in the middle of the night because of an intruder and now, my mind can relax a little knowing I do everything I can, and the little box can be kind of a babysitter and I can finally sleep. You just have to slowly let yourself off the hook and not feel guilty. You have to give yourself “ me time” or you WILL burnout completely. It got so bad for me that I almost ended my life because I could not take it anymore and if I complained, all I got from everyone, even the neighbors!, is: “ well she took care of you all your life!”.
Unless someone has gone through what you are going through they will NEVER understand or have a clue. It’s the mental part that one goes through in caretaking , that is so tremendously damaging.
Mom so sorry you are going through this. By the way, I’m getting indoor and outdoor camera set up as well so my mom will stop thinking someone is outside waiting to break in. Just knowing s bought them has already made her much more relaxed. I haven’t even put them up yet!
God bless you and don’t forget to look into hiring someone... you need a break... NOW!

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Is there an adult day care in your area? It might be good for both of you--he gets the social interaction of new people and you get a break. We kept my father in day care even after we hired live-in help because keeping a dementia patient engaged and active is really more than one person can do.

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There are all types of burnout - mental, emotional, physical. And it can seem like a vicious circle! If you don't get good quality sleep - you will quickly become overwhelmed at the slightest annoyances. My mom is in great shape at 91 - still drives! But her hearing is going and it can get very tiring to repeat everything 3 times. She refuses to even get her hearing checked much less wear a hearing aid. I come home from work and the t.v. is literally blaring - so jarring after driving home in traffic! I'm the type of person who needs their peace and quiet to truly feel energized. I recently felt like I was at my wits end - as we don't always get along since she seems to still feel like she needs to "tell me what to do" and I'm almost 60! I work full-time, own my home, take care of everything, take her out to lunch/run errands for her/doctor appointments, etc since I'm single and still that is not enough to please her! She finally left for 2 months to visit other friends/family. What a relief that was! I realized just how much I loved my home, and being alone. She tells me that I'm not happy, complains about stupid little things but I realize now she is the one who is not happy and really never has been now that I look back on it. My story is too long to go into here but we have lived together off/on for 20 years. THAT is a lot of my adult life I have given up. It's hard to date when you mom lives with you! But my family doesn't seem to think I'm doing "much" as they never ask if they can relieve me so I can go out of town - spend the night somewhere. She is set to come back and I've already told her I cannot do everything. She needs to either call my brother or use my neighbor who has offered and is also a friend. I guess the bottom line is - DO NOT try and do everything. And you need a break to do something you truly enjoy. I refuse to give up my home/life/friends to just sit at home and "babysit" her. I need to work - plus I need to stay "engaged" with the real world. Good luck!

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Hi Texas Gorl... I’m in a similar situation as you too. I feel for you! Isn’t it amazing how getting alone time brings you back to life? ... but also makes you realize what you are going through and how stressful it is? No one really knows and they really don’t care, all they care about is not having to take over for you and ruin THEIR lives... ( you know, sisters and brothers that it). They all make you feel like you are complaining for nothing and that you are ungrateful for what your parents did for you. Someday those people that make you feel bad will all have their day and finally understand what you are going through and went through... it’s called “ karma”, and it’s alive and well. So sorry that you are going through this!( not saying that YOU are going through karma. I’m saying that people that don’t have any sympathy for others are the ones that will go through the karma.) Hope you can get some relief soon. 😇

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If you tried to hire an experienced person to "supervise" 24/7 with no breaks I bet you wouldn't find anyone! Sounds like slavery to me, even if you don't feel it yet.

Having no back up and taking no days off does not serve your LO well in the long run. What if the next emergency happens to you? I suggest you find a guy your father can relate to and have him "visit" on a weekly basis. Leave the house during the visit. Increase the hours (paid) each week until you can get away for a weekend.

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I think everyone who has an Alzheimer's/dementia patient they care for needs to remember that there are different stages of illness. It's heartbreaking to see someone you love losing a little more of themselves every day. Caregivers go through an awful lot physically, mentally and emotionally. You can't blame yourself - you did not give this illness to your loved one. All you can do is navigate through the stages with them as best you can. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes or get impatient. You'd have to be a saint not to lose it sometimes. Look into different situations that may help you get the rest and me-time you need or you'll be of absolutely no use to anyone else. A rested, unstressed caregiver is much more effective than one who isn't. Try a door alarm (can be purchased at Home Depot or Amazon, etc.) to alert you to your dad's movements at night - it costs about $15 but that's a small price for peace of mind. I also like the baby monitor idea. You could probably get a deal on one at a garage sale. There are hired caregivers who work overnights - doesn't sound like he needs nursing care, so it won't be as expensive. The main thing is - take care of YOU so you can take care of him. You aren't a wimp or a pansy - don't ever think that. You're doing what a lot of us are doing and going through what all of us go through. Sounds to me like you're handling it well.

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I felt horribly guilty but was so fried after I don't know how many years of not being away...but being so conscientious I didn't want to go too far from my elder parents. My head is always active thinking about them, planning, worrying, advocating, escorting...and so with the support of some others, and even though there were other places for the $$, I got the best deal I could and went to a lovely hotel about 35 minutes away. For the past 3 nights (yes, still there, leaving later) I have slept. Slept through the night. Slept in a comfortable temperature on a good mattress (no time/$$ to get a new one quite yet). Slept in peace and quiet not awoken by the back and forth in the hallway. And I am here to tell you...it makes a difference.
You ARE caregiving, you are susceptible to burn out. It's not clear if what you are dealing with is dementia, but if you can, you might want to get an assessment that might consider all types of dementia. If you have a local Alzheimer's Assn they may know resources for many of the issues. I know we don't have anyone who would spend a night or the funds to regularly pay for that...do you have any relatives that could spend a night? The AA may also have suggestions to make your home safe. Put in all the safety equipment, alarms on doors...and then maybe you can just let it go and go to sleep. You might have to consider locking him out of certain rooms...i.e. the kitchen where he could get in trouble.
All the studies these days are stressing the importance of sleep...so for our own future well being we should do our best to get it.
Yes, mental burnout is still burnout. It is an exhaustion. When I got away I just wanted to stop the madness, break the cycle from my own health issues and my parents issues. I clean, do some cooking, have to sneak around so my mother doesn't get snotty because she is blessed to have someone change her linens even though in her mind she takes care of that herself. My only sibling out of state has never offered to make a trip in just for me to escape. She comes in twice a year if that, limits it to about 2 full days, and takes very good care of herself and her own needs.
These days off have taught me something that I don't know if I will be able to do...but I think it is important to have something to look forward to, to a break of some sort...whether it is one or two nights a week of sleep...or a long weekend every few months. Do you have guardianship or POA of you dad? I'd be checking in with an elder law attorney asap...and maybe set up a caregiving plan where you are potentially compensated...but at the least, hiring someone if Dad has the funds to keep watch so you can sleep. Good luck.

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gdaughter, you can get an excellent mattress online and have it delivered to your home. Tuft and Needle. It isn't expensive at all.

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Thanks...but I know which type I am looking for and it is not a bed in the box, especially not foam. Consumer Reports did an excellent review (T and N included).

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It is very difficult to be a caregiver 24/7 but you have much to be thankful for and that is that your parent can do so much for himself. I care for my mom 24/7 and she needs assisted care. She is now in a rehab and I really don't think they are helping her. It has also been most exhausting to visit her every day for hours as my brother and I are the only ones who go to see her. We expect she will be coming home any time soon and she has really suffered going to a hospital in the first place and now in a rehab that we don't think is helping, but we have been willing to give it a chance. We could have transferred her to a different rehab but we thought another trip by ambulance and another evaluation and another new place. She has feelings, too. She suffers from dementia and if she was in her right mind she would still be by all of her children wanting to help them in any way she could, as she always did. We truly appreciate all that this poor woman did for all of us all of our lives. We are planning to get a bed alarm as was suggested by someone in their comments. This would be something you should consider if you want to have a restful nights sleep and still know if he is up wandering about. Each family has their unique situation but we (at least 2 of us) feel our mom has been there for us through so much and she still would be if she could. This is really a heartbreaking situation for any family. We do get a little time to do errands, etc. when mom is home. It can be a very stressful situation but think of all of the times your mom cared for you as a newborn baby and until you grew up. As I said this is unique for each family so I hope the best for you and hope you can work things out.

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Did you learn how to guilt-trip from your mother or mine?

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Longhaul - there have been many good suggestions so far and yes you need a break from 24x7. Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is challenging and it’s ok to ask for help. Depending where you live there should be good non-medical home care agencies who can offer overnight care. Depending on if he wakes often, they would also “sleep” but be the first one to respond if he gets up. Otherwise they do offer awake care but can cost more.
Door alarms or motion sensors in the rooms/hallways can be used to wake the caregiver and not you.
Some assisted livings offer respite care rooms for short stays 3-30 days. This could be an option to give you some breathing room to get things organized and you some much needed personal time.
Also if there is family, siblings, nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc that could take night shifts or even some day shifts would be great.
Adult day programs are great so you can run errands.
Check with your local Alzheimer Association chapter for resources they offer.

#1 - you do need support as no one can care 24x7, it takes a huge toll. This is harder than an infant, because you’re right, he could get up and wander off.

Good luck and realize you are being an amazing daughter caring for your dad. But you also need to care for yourself because you need to stay healthy.

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I was surprised when you wrote your father was not on any meds.

The behaviors you are talking about are very common with dementia.
Please make sure you have a durable POA in place and he has a thorough evaluation.

My Dad exhibited those behaviors while living alone, and the behaviors progressed very rapidly. He became so argumentative and angry we could not even stay in the same room with him for more than 30 minutes.
He ended up being dx with vascular dementia and medications have helped a lot.
You are a kind and loving daughter-burn out is real. You cannot do this alone.

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I’m curious what meds were helpful. My dad has vascular dementia too and can have anger flare ups. Currently he’s on Celexa and Buspar. Thank you.

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I think you are dealing with quite a lot. Memory issues are major. Iam wondering ho decided you need to be soley caring for your dad. There are palces he could go to during the day - Day centers. Altho he may not be approprite for one without Memory Care services. WHile he is very lucky not to have any of the problems you listed, caring for someone with poor short-term memory is quite difficult. If he gets combative, it could even be physically dangerous for you.

You could call your local Area Agency on Aging, (in the US) and have him evaluated as to what level care seems appropriate for him. Someone else there at night so you can sleep is also an excellent idea. But it sounds like you are going to reach a turning point quite soon, and it would be best to get prepared for it.

Best of Luck to both of you.

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Yes, you can hire a night caregiver to watch your dad while you are sleeping. Most companies have a minimum hr requirement is 4 hrs, but it does not apply to you because you need 8. The rate varies, but it runs from $25-30 an hr. Be sure the caregiver does not sleep. S/he is not supposed to sleep. Good luck.

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No, you are not a pansy. Take it from somebody who just survived 2 years of 24/7 caregiving for my mom while her cognitive status was in constant decline, faster than her physical. Please, get help, and start exploring options for your dad so you can reclaim your life! <3

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ALL of your concerns are valid. I overheard a 2 hour converstaion between my mom and brother about what a controlling, bossy, overall horrible person I am even tho I’ve done EVERYTHING for my 90 year old mom and 103 aunt since I retired 7 years ago. The job is thankless, but necessary. I would encourage u to hire caregivers. I have almost 24/7 coverage and even tho I still go 90 to nothing daily, it gives me some peace of mind. If I wake up during the night, I don’t go back to sleep. You are a special person to do this for ur dad...take care of yourself! Prayers...

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Pansy, Oh NO! NO! NO! You are minimizing what you are doing by comparing it to what you think others are doing. We each have our own situation. Based on my experience, what you describe is worse than incontinent or bedridden. Of course you cannot supervise someone 24/7. You do have to sleep, shower, have some time to yourself. Yes, the situation is effecting your sleep. In the back of your mind is always the possibility that the stove is being used or your father has just walked out of the house. If the money is available, hire someone. You should also consider the possibility of your father being better off in a memory care facility. No single person could provide the kind of enriching activities that the facility provided for my relative. Keep upmost in your mind that you cannot help anyone if you are not in good shape yourself. Try a support group or counselling. Your health insurance may provide for mental health care. Don't hesitate to get help, someone to talk to, even if you think you are not "officially" depressed etc.

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Hi Longhaul...I agree with all the great advice that everyone has given. It is hard to be a caregiver and/or supervise 24/7. I have been a caregiver for over 13 years for my honey of 30 years and though I love him very much the last nine plus months has been very difficult. You are not a pansy at all and are a caregiver rather than just a supervisor. If you can afford to, hiring a paid caregiver to help would be a good idea. If you are sleep deprived it will affect your mental and physical health. Please take care and hang in there.

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Your dad might be in the beginning stages of memory loss. Speak to a healthcare professional about what your experiencing. The fact that your uncomfortable and see a change which is creating mental burnout is enough to seek help. What you are feeling is a touch of what caregivers feel. Yes. Get a mental health team in place for your dad who can help you properly assess the situation. Start learning how to manage the stress. Stay strong.

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Caregiving guilt; Am I wrong to understand that I cannot ‘supervise’ 24/7?

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