Sometimes I feel enormous amounts of guilt because I am caring for my dad (84) who is in excellent health physically, he can shower, dress himself, eat, he is continent, takes no meds, can read, hearing is ok (most of the time), non- combative. But my presence is needed because he is in an altered state of reality 90% of the time. The main point of my daily frustration lies in the fact he does NOT want assistance with ANYTHING even when it is apparent he is struggling.
My catchphrase as of late is “this is not an insult to your manhood...”
His memory is that of a gnat at this point. He gets upset that I don’t “see” the things he sees (which are many...)
The point of this is to say I read so much about caregiver burnout, but I don’t keep track of endless trips to doctors, keep tabs on enormous amounts of meds, deal with the frustration of convincing someone to bathe, eat, dress. I am not caring for someone who is bedridden, incontinent, wandering. Yet, I feel myself reaching a boiling point when my efforts are pushed away. I catch myself wondering if my “it is what it is” attitude will truly help me along. Are things really that bad? Is mental burnout the same as ‘caregiver burnout’ ? truly, in comparison I don’t consider myself a ‘caregiver’... more of a ‘supervisor’ at this point.
Am I wrong to understand that I cannot ‘supervise’ 24/7 ? My gut says even when I am sleeping, my back burner is on (he has wakened me several times for various ‘intruder’ reasons...) I feel even while sleeping, I am subconsciously thinking of the fact he could be wandering through the house and I wouldn’t know it. Should I hire someone just to be in the house overnight so my sleep can be solid? Is there such a thing? Am I being too much of a pansy? I feel the comfort of knowing someone else is available while I sleep may help me better endure this marathon.