My younger sister recommend a care taker to live w/my mom to help my mom, who is 83 blind, demetria & has cancer. I was scheduled for leg surgery in April, but b/c of health issues, moved to August, my brother lived out of state, my older sister works the night shift, my younger sister has 3 young children & has a job) My younger sister got my mom to sign a POA in May 2016. We were told by my sister, the caretaker will stay w/my mom 24 hours a day. Not the case, the caretaker has a regular job. Sitters were hired to stay with my mom a few hours during the day. I'd visit my mom in the mornings about 7:30am 3 to 4 days a wk before & 6 weeks after my surgery. I started classes Feb 1@ 7am & begun visiting my mom at 6am, my mom is an early riser, she's done w/coffee & breakfast by 6:30 - 7am. First day I visit @ 6am, I found the caretaker's 5 y/o grandkid digging in the kitchen cabinets, I video the kid & informed my sibs & my 2 sisters said I could have taken the video @ any time. My brother wanted the caretaker gone. Next day I visit my mom at 6am, music is blaring from inside my mom's house. I call the police b/c music loud & no one open the door. Caretaker tells police my sister w/ POA told her to take my mom to her bedroom after breakfast & turn the music up. Same thing happened the next day. I was able to visit my mom at 6am for the next 10 days. On Feb. 14th I was served with a (TRO) Temporary Restraining Order to keep away from the caretaker's resident, which is my mom's house & to stay away from my mom, citing I'm "a danger to everyone in the home" Feb 15 to March 20, I could only talk w/my mom by phone. March 20th the judge dismissed the TRO. Visiting my mom that afternoon, all the sofa seat cushions are removed & on the next day, the chairs from the table are removed by the caretaker, who claimed it's her furniture & she was told by the POA she can do whatever she wants w/her furniture. So me & my kids visit my mom sitting on lawn chairs we brought in. On March 22, the POA demand I stay with my mom 2 days a week from 6am until the caretaker returned at 6pm or 7pm, when I refused, stating her POA can't dictate to me when I can see my mom. The POA, call elderly protection on me, stating I'm causing my mom emotional abuse & physical distress, she filed a TRO against me on March 24th. From March 24th to April 18, I had NO contact with my mom. When I went to visit my mom on March 24th the POA called 911 & told police I was trespassing. I was arrested, which I resisted, the POA told the caretaker to video, so yes, there's a video, now on Facebook, w/me yelling and screaming for help while being handcuffed on the ground, I'm still in shock. Waiting to go to court on the charge. Btw, the sister w/the POA is NEVER at my mom's at 6am, she came w/the sole purpose to keep me from visiting my mom. In the meantime, I filed an interdiction & a petition to be the curator of my mom. The POA sent out text messages to all my family members, stating that I'm taking my mom to court claiming my mom is "TOO CRAZY" to make her own decisions, NOW the whole family is angry & against me. The TRO the POA put on me was dismissed on April 18th without prejudice, because we, the POA & I agreed on my having temporary visiting hours & we will handle everything at the interdiction hearing, May 1st, which was only 2 weeks away. Visiting hours will go away & neither attorney could use the conditions of which the TRO was dismissed, didn't happen. Well, now I'm feeling like I'm living in a nightmare, I said to myself, I need to audio & video record what happens when I visit my mom to help prove my case, part of my case is to prove my older sister & her kids harrasses me during my visits with my mom. On May 1st while visiting my mom, in my mom's bedroom, my older sister insist I leave the room for her to get dress, when I refused, she started to undress in front of me. I started videoing her. I made a funny meme & sent it to my brother, who sent it to my sisters. My older sister didn't think it was funny. A huge argument broke out on May 5, my sister told her kids I video her naked, which never happened. She file TRO #3, she lied, I told the truth & the judge ordered the TRO stay for 12 months, I requested the same, the Judge told me to get a TRO on my sister.
Now, I'm at my house & my nieces & nephews are yelling from my neighbor's yard & the street, videoing me, my house live on Facebook. Now I have a TRO on my neices & older sister. The interdiction & TRO hearing is Tue, May 30. I'm representing myself. NO $$
I don't need to be the curator, I just want to spend time with my mom like I did before the caretaker moved in. I took my mom to CO in 2014, she had signs of demetria then, It was hard getting mom though the airport security. I also have an audio recording of the caretaker being ugly to my mom. It makes me sick, my sisters know I have it but don't want to hear it. I just don't know what else to do. Any Suggestion?
I seldom see mom now. It is better that way. Do not want to run the chance of seeing twisteds. Too many awful memories. When you tire of this constant battle, you too, will not want to expose yourself to the nonsense. It would be better for you and for mom.
I'm inclined to agree with Glad. Let the POA run the show. Certainly do not conform to her wishes about being there two days a week. Don't try to visit Mom. If you like, you might send a card with a nice picture of you to Mom once in a while, WITHOUT any comments about sister or the visiting situation. Just "Thinking of you Mom. Have a pleasant day." Maybe the mail will never be given to her, but you'll have done your best.
If Mom needs more care and goes to a care center, perhaps you can re-establish visiting there.
They know the ABSOLUTE only way to hurt me is to limit/restrict my access to my mom.
Everything else they've tried has failed.
So, how do you let go? I just don't know how to let go :(
Thanks
I went to the courthouse, and there is no judgment in place as of yet. I did purchase the minutes of the hearing and there is nothing stating I need a surety bond. I also had 2 clerks to read the minutes just to make sure I wasn't missing anything and they didn't see anything about me having to purchase a surety bond either. I text message the above information to the Curator (my lil sister) and she's upset because I file for the interdiction, she feels I should h pay all these costs. I did look up Louisiana law, and from what I can get out of the curator, the person who has control of the estate, has to have a surety bond. I'm just the under curator, like the watchdog more or less to make sure the curators doing what's in the best interest of my mom's estate. It is more peaceful, however, my sisters are still ugly to me and my children and they're still trying to get money out of me. The judge ordered all of the court costs to be paid by my mother's estate. Which is right about, maybe $1000.00. In any case, I did look of the law & it does state the Curator has to be qualified & I'm not sure what that requires , my guess it requires a Surety Bond.
It might be a good idea for you to start a CYA file from this point going forward. Given your sisters first reaction after receiving the judges decision was to lie to you in an attempt to get money - I'd say you can't trust her any further than you can throw her - as the saying goes.
Definitely, you should move forward with the intention that everyone will behave and do your best to keep things positive. But still... I wouldn't tell your own children you are documenting. Even without intending to - an air of us verses them would hang in the air. But do say if they see or hear anything that doesn't seem right - to let you know - in order to fix it, in the spirit of making this complicated arrangement run as smoothly as possible.
But here's what I think might happen. Now that your sister no longer has free rein and she has to document and report - essentially having to be accountable- she won't want the responsibility any longer and you'll have to do it. That or - she will resent the intrusion and control of the court and begin to be more corvert in her actions that don't meet with the standards laid down by the judge. Then you will need your CYA file to petition the court for control.
In other words- while you may be enjoying a brief reprieve, I'm afraid your days in this are numbered and soon you will once again face battle. The thing is - most people - after being schooled in a $100,000 lesson would be on their best behavior- at least for a while. That right off the bat, your sister is lying in order to get money out of you proves she's not "most people". Good luck to you!
I've been keeping a CYA file since Feb. 1st, you best believe I will continue to keep it. Yesterday afternoon and went to my mom, no one answered the door for about five minutes and I'm not in fairly hard after the first two or three minutes. When I called to see what the problem was the caretaker said they can't hear anyone knocking because of the AC, some new crap. She sound like she was sleeping. The 2 attorneys who represented me said I need to get pass 30 days, to show good faith that I really want want to work with my sisters, so I'm trying to keep my cool.
I did start the conversation by text. My older sister's children are court ordered not to be at my mom's house during my visits with my mom, but they are at every visit (my older sister and I are like oil & water on everything. The judge felt it's best she and I along with our children visit our mom at different times). So I texted my sister who was appointed Curator about the problem, she had the nerve to text back, "If you want my assistance with your visitation, I expect you will accept responsibility for the un-neccessary expensed your interdiction has cause our mother", I didn't know how to reply, I just texted her back WOW! I showed the text to my lawyer, who requested a copy of the text for my files.
My sister the Curator also sent us a Court Ordered financial report / statement of our mom. The following is what she sent us. (There were numbers in the blanks)
Monthly Income - $_,_ _ _.44 (Social Security / Retirement)
Monthly Expenses - $_,_ _ _.33 (Electricity/Gas, Telephone, Insurance, Dr. visit, Adult care, lawn care, groceries, lunch Laundry/cleaning, Medication, Misc.)
Personal care reimbursement insurance - $_,_ _ _.00
Personal care providers - $_,_ _ _.00
What kind of financial report is that? My other sibling called me VERY upset, because my sister who is Curator has her own business and knows exactly what is required in a financial report. Now, we're convinced something's not quite right. I'm so glad I did that interdiction. My sister who is Curator also hired more caretakers for my mom, without even letting me know, when I text her about them, she says they've been working with our mother, which is not true, usless they all just started using new/different automobiles at the same time.(lol) Remember, I live right across the street from my mom, I also have video cameras on the front of my house, pointed at my mom's house.
So I at least know who's going to and from my mom's and what they're driving.
I STILL get so frustrarted with my lil sister's deliberate attempts to continue to lie to us.
I just have to stay focus.