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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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It is a full-time job, 24/7; and, as that schedule implies, it is therefore not a sustainable situation for a lone single person. Nobody can be on duty 24/7 and not eventually break down.
How long has your mother needed care and depended on you? Have you had any thoughts about where this is all going to go next?
My mother is on a list for Assisted Care Facility. She has lived with me for a year now. Where this is going next is hopefully her name will come up in the list. Mom pays for the caregivers during the day but that really is all that can be afforded right now. I do have a sister 5 minutes away from me but she made it very clear that she has a family and no time to help with mom. I have 2 other sisters that live out if state. One lives hours and hours away and the other lives 3 hours away. The one 3 hours away helps when she can. Before my mother moved in with me I was promised that I would get relief from my sister who lives 5 minutes away but the excuses started coming and now she will not discuss it anymore. I just needed to vent. My mother gave her all for her children.
My mother lives with me because she doesnt have enough money to go into an assisted living facility. Insurence will kick in for her to go once she is unable to take care of herself. Mom needs to live in this state for the insurance to pay. What money she does have is paying for the caregiver. I have 3 other sisters 2 of which live in different states one who lives 5 minutes away and doesnt take any type of responsibility because she has a family.
No she does not have long term care insurance. If she did that would be the answer. It would be nice for my sister to give me breaks to be honest. To take her every other weekend or a few nights a week. It's not asking a lot. No I havent looked into respite, I believe that will be the next step.
Chris, I don't blame your local sister for putting up the barricades. She has her hands full, and besides you've got two other sisters - it's not her fault they live too far away. She may be ashamed of having made glib promises she can't keep, but for one thing that's only going to make her defensive and for another it doesn't mean she can keep them after all.
So, there are three of them... Since, for their separate reasons, none of them is able to provide meaningful support, perhaps they could club together and help pay for it? Find out what a respite break would cost, divide by five, and that's how much each of you - mother* and four children - would need to stump up. It might be more affordable than you think.
You're working full time, are you?
*While she's in respite care she won't need to pay for the caregiver hours.
Every other weekend or maybe a run of a few evenings during school vacations... I agree and understand, it doesn't sound like a lot to ask.
But the thing is, it's still infinitely more than the other sisters are avoiding - for perfectly good reasons, of course - and so your local sister is bumps straight into the one insuperable problem that IT'S NOT FAIR.
Which is even more not fair on you, true. And, worse, you're the one who allowed yourself (I'm sure you had reservations at the time) to be soothed into agreeing to be the fall guy.
The fact that you have got the even dirtier end of the stick than you're at all asking your next sister even to touch, though, isn't going to make her any more willing to do it.
Three hour sister does win a small halo, points for trying; but although she IS trying her help is still very limited. Good but not enough. Again, let's all think again.
I would honestly have thought that addressing the three of them equally, and looking on all of yourselves as ongoing equal partners in the Mothercare Project, is more likely to make them engage their brains about what to do next. The four of you came up with a plan. For various reasons, the plan has broken down. What is the next plan, which has to be workable only for the time being.
Don't let any of them think that you're not all in this together.
That is the problem. The only two in this together is my sister 3 hours away and me. There is no more discussion with the others.
I disagree with the broken promises. To me a promise is a promise. My sister 3 hours away took on the brunt of this. My mother lived with her until she had to move. She did live in this area but a job transfer that had to be took her 3 hours away. She helps when she can.
A promise may be a promise, and you may feel disgruntled about the failure to keep it, but the question remains - what are you going to do about it? And why is local sister more to blame than distant sister who has apparently washed her hands of everything from the outset?
My distance sister has not washed her hands. She is a lot older with health issues as well as her husband. My mother lived with my sister 3 hours away for a long time. Even before the onset of Dementia.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
How was that decision reached?
Your mother should be paying the caregivers out of HER funds. Rectify that if nothing else. Immediately.
How long has your mother needed care and depended on you? Have you had any thoughts about where this is all going to go next?
Before my mother moved in with me I was promised that I would get relief from my sister who lives 5 minutes away but the excuses started coming and now she will not discuss it anymore.
I just needed to vent. My mother gave her all for her children.
I have 3 other sisters 2 of which live in different states one who lives 5 minutes away and doesnt take any type of responsibility because she has a family.
It sounds as though you need more caregiver hours and certainly respite so you can take vacations. Have you looked into respite at local ALs?
Is your mother paying room and board? Is she recieving Medicaid?
What is it you would like your sister to do?
It would be nice for my sister to give me breaks to be honest. To take her every other weekend or a few nights a week. It's not asking a lot.
No I havent looked into respite, I believe that will be the next step.
So, there are three of them... Since, for their separate reasons, none of them is able to provide meaningful support, perhaps they could club together and help pay for it? Find out what a respite break would cost, divide by five, and that's how much each of you - mother* and four children - would need to stump up. It might be more affordable than you think.
You're working full time, are you?
*While she's in respite care she won't need to pay for the caregiver hours.
But the thing is, it's still infinitely more than the other sisters are avoiding - for perfectly good reasons, of course - and so your local sister is bumps straight into the one insuperable problem that IT'S NOT FAIR.
Which is even more not fair on you, true. And, worse, you're the one who allowed yourself (I'm sure you had reservations at the time) to be soothed into agreeing to be the fall guy.
The fact that you have got the even dirtier end of the stick than you're at all asking your next sister even to touch, though, isn't going to make her any more willing to do it.
Three hour sister does win a small halo, points for trying; but although she IS trying her help is still very limited. Good but not enough. Again, let's all think again.
I would honestly have thought that addressing the three of them equally, and looking on all of yourselves as ongoing equal partners in the Mothercare Project, is more likely to make them engage their brains about what to do next. The four of you came up with a plan. For various reasons, the plan has broken down. What is the next plan, which has to be workable only for the time being.
Don't let any of them think that you're not all in this together.
I disagree with the broken promises. To me a promise is a promise. My sister 3 hours away took on the brunt of this. My mother lived with her until she had to move. She did live in this area but a job transfer that had to be took her 3 hours away. She helps when she can.
How long did your mother live with 3 hour sister?