About 6 weeks ago I found my biological father after 43yrs. He left when I was 2. We talked for a couple of weeks on the phone, and one day he called me up and told me he was dying, and that the lady he was living with was kicking him out. I took my savings and drove to Missouri from NY and brought him to live with me. (I am the oldest of 14kid) He's lived here for a month, no money, as all his money is tied up in Missouri banks, he has no check book, or debit card, so I have paid for all his expenses this far. After bringing him here, I found out that all he told me is not true, he doesn't have cancer, and isn't dying as he claimed. He's an alcoholic and lies about everything and everyone. I don't know where to turn to get help with him. I found out recently that he hasn't bathed in over a year (hasn't here and been here a month) he's mad that I am finding out his lies and is now refusing food. The stress he is causing me is worrying my family. HELP PLEASE!!
Captain- I "was" forgiving before I found it all to be lies. He played on my emotions, he knew I'm a widow n he thought $. He found out I'm not a rich widow.
You're obviously a caring person with a big heart to drive all the way to MO from NY to collect your dad. You must have been so happy to have connected with him after all of these years and to have it turn out this way must be very disappointing for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. In my opinion based on what you wrote he doesn't deserve your loyalty or your generosity. You are in no way obligated to him or responsible for him. It's not like he's been in your life all of these years and you are now taking care of him. He abandoned you when you were 2 and hasn't been seen or heard from until now with his batch of lies all designed to manipulate you. You owe him nothing. Not one single thing and anything you can do to get him out of your house and out of your life you are within your rights to do. Kick him out. Lock the door. Call the police if he makes a ruckus. Get him out of there.
I did go to the police and they thought I was insane for doing all I have for him. They did get me in contact with agencies, one telling me to charge him for all my expense's and then send him into a facility - his refusal to eat (5days now) and not shower (over a yr) is mental issue's. The police also did a back ground check on him and he was in prison for 10yrs, (not sure why though it didn't show up in records) when I asked him about it he said armed robbery - he told my son in law he killed a man. OMG!! I don't know what to believe when it comes from his mouth. either way I am looking into alternative care for him. I don't have the money or means to do this and I don't want too. Heart broken to the max
Next get a DNA test if only for your own peace of mind so you know if he really is your father or not You can do this without him knowing by taking a used coffee cup or drinking glass to the lab. I personally doubt he's your father, just a con man who uses and mooches off "found" children.
In the meantime hide everything, your bank records, cheque book, jewellery, cell phone - anything and everything he could get his hands on. Use a safety deposit box, don't hide stuff inn the house for him to get his mitts on.
With the sworn statements of you and your son in law and his prison record, along with DNA that shows he's not related to you, you should be able to have the cops remove him from your house immediately. Once that occurs I suggest you change the locks and, if necessary, get a restraining order.
A friend told me that he is trying to guilt me into giving him his whiskey back (not happening) and that I may be able to get a contract between him and me to pay back all the money I used to go get him and bring him back including the items I bought for him, bed, dresser, personal items, food etc. ($3500.00 total) She told me to treat him like a tenant instead of my dad because he doesn't deserve my kindness.
I truly am torn up over this, and yes angry not only at him but myself for falling for his lies. My family (brothers, sisters, aunts and uncle) are also hurting because they too are victims of his lies.
I read online that I could get paid to care of him through medicare or medicaid. Im not sure how that works. I really have been looking into helping him, and myself since I have been thrown into this situation.
I am sorry you spent so much money but stop throwing good after bad and get him out NOW. Blessings. Do not sign anything related to him because it will come back and bite you and you don't have proof he is your Dad. if you want to keep in touch once he is placed that is fine but don't take any responsibility. Hugs
Once he is detoxed, you do not have to take him back into your house. They will place him in a shelter or other appropriate housing.
Angel
Angel
Stop buying him the booze. Several days without food or water and he'll be a candidate for 911, an ambulance and the ER. Where he goes from there is not your problem.
As I was reading other comments, I thought, what if he dies in her house? That could be bad for you, too.
How is he getting beer?
You may want a relationship with a father you didn't have or know, but this is not healthy and is very dangerous for you. I understand wanting a father. I reunited with my own father after 35 years. And within a year, he, too, needed a place to live and some care. But I didn't know him at all and he ended up getting on his feet and rebuilding his life without me sacrificing my life or putting myself or my family in danger. If not for you, think of your son.
I know it is hard to allow people, especially people related to us (maybe) to fall on hard times. But he sounds like he is very capable of adapting to whatever situation he is in and for his own good you should follow the advise of the other posters here. I am sorry you are heart broken and he opened childhood wounds of loss and abandonment. But please protect yourself and your family.
I have thought about his "weakness" as an act also, (which is why I have Fort Knoxed our bedroom doors). He's had ppl convinced that he was dying for 8yrs, he's a very good actor.
For yrs I wanted to know him, now I do- sadly I wish I didn't now.
Sorry but I am not buying it!
Ms. Beth...I will Consciously " HOLD YOU IN LIGHT", both of you for we all are only One, we just forget. This is not to mean that you do not PUT yourself first. Love starts with self Love .
From what you say, I believe you to be in harms way. Please get off the train track before the train hits you. The Yellow Brick Rd. is so much Brighter?
My above response just came through, no thought, just intuitively I believe as I see it in front of me now. It is not a bad response.
This is very twisted.