Caring for elderly parents is so similar to raising children. Don’t you agree?
When raising my kids, I had a beautiful poster that had a lovely picture of Noah’s Ark in my home.
I love art, so I was attracted to the lovely image of the huge ark with all of the animals. I also love nature and was attracted to the beautiful depiction of the animals but what made me buy the poster was the message of the inscription on it which was, “We’re all in the same boat...So, let’s keep it afloat!” How true, right? I framed the poster and I loved it.
The message resonated with me deeply. I used it as a visual image to relay to my children that we were a team.
I raised my children to know that parents and children need to work together.
It’s also how I am desperately trying to make this current group of people who are caring for my elderly mom succeed as a team which consists of myself with doctors, nurses, rehab facilities, home health, social workers, family members, whoever is involved in caring for her as a team.
I am finally accepting that I simply cannot do everything alone for mom and relaying that to her as lovingly and best as I can.
Parents rely on us just as our children did and while it’s very similar in one way, it’s vastly different in other ways.
It takes awhile for some of us to catch onto this message. Many of you tried to explain this to me!
Sometimes we miss things due to being overwhelmed, afraid to feel we failed after trying so hard, maybe even some pride, whatever the case may be...who knows?
It’s trial and error. It’s individual and has to be tailored to our own needs. There isn’t always a simple solution to things. There are so many variables.
Kids and elderly parents are sometimes impatient, can be demanding, stressful and exhausting.
I sometimes feel that aging parents actually expect more than our young kids did. Seems like we are able to explain things more easily to children than aging parents. Some parents have extremely difficult challenges, special needs. Some caregivers have the same with ALZ.
We needed breaks from our kids which made us better parents in the long run in order to be refreshed and refueled. The same is true for caregivers of the elderly. One huge difference for me is that we ourselves are getting older and have our own concerns with health, finances, etc.
What are your thoughts on this? I’m curious to know how others feel. Where am I on point and where am I off base?
All answers are welcome, not just deep thinkers like me, be sarcastic if you wish. I have those days where I feel like I don’t give a rat’s a**! Be funny if you like, some things elderly people do make me crack up, even if it’s sad. Some caregivers are extremely funny. A sense of humor is important. Be sweet and melt my heart.
Answer any which way you like. In other words, just be yourself. Be sincere.
Also, how do others feel about outside support, professionals who care for the elderly? Do you feel it’s a calling for some?
Or do you feel it has become more of a ‘money making’ business? Let’s face it, aging care, just like child care for working parents has become a huge ‘profitable’ business for most. From what I have seen there aren’t near as many ‘non profit’ companies.
I know that I have tons of questions. Just chime in where you feel you would like to contribute to the discussion. Thanks!
77 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- I'm still new at this and just discovered I've received private messages. I apologize for not responding - I don't know how. Please advise.
- Would you read a book about caregiving? Do you wish there was a strong source about caregiving before you started doing it?
- Did you guys see this in Washington Post? it's the Daughterhood circle.
- Are you beyond burnout? Please read
Children learn and their horizons expand - elders diminish and their horizons are shrinking
When little Sally trips and falls you pick her up and kiss her booboo. When an elder falls getting them off the floor is a major event, and they may be severely injured
Changing an adult diaper is nothing like changing a child.
With your little ones you can look forward to the day they are finally potty trained
Little kids are easily portable, if you need to go out you just pop them in their car seat. Planning and executing trips outside the home with a frail elder is difficult, if not impossible
Most babies are sleeping through the night before their first birthday
You (almost) never have to make the agonizing choice to have your child live in a residential facility
Our elders have their own life history that includes being a competent person in control of their own fate, few give up that control willingly
When your toddler has a tantrum sure it's distressing, but when an elder has a tantrum you may need to call 911 because they have the size and strength to do harm
Sorry for the rant, but you get the idea.
At least when you have children, you have a general timeline of what to expect as they grow through different stages. The terrible twos, etc. Not so much with elders, it changes from day to day and sometimes it's life or death stuff. Not fun.
And, generally, kids know they aren't adults, with adult control of money, life choices, etc... So often, elders have to gradually give up various things they have been doing for years, as competencies decline. Denial, big time, of the new reality.
Sadly, because of the mental impairments our elderly parents endure and the physical limitations of disease can oftentimes wear us down to a frazzle as we deal with finances, sibling disagreements, our complicated medical system, meds, caregivers, stubbornness and the heartache that comes with our LO's decline. Even with those "off days" with the kids, you know tomorrow will be better. With our elders hope diminishes and eventually fades away.
Kids become independent, elders rely on us more and more.
Etc etc
I never had children myself, but I can't imagine this anticipatory grief raising a child.