When raising my kids, I had a beautiful poster that had a lovely picture of Noah’s Ark in my home.
I love art, so I was attracted to the lovely image of the huge ark with all of the animals. I also love nature and was attracted to the beautiful depiction of the animals but what made me buy the poster was the message of the inscription on it which was, “We’re all in the same boat...So, let’s keep it afloat!” How true, right? I framed the poster and I loved it.
The message resonated with me deeply. I used it as a visual image to relay to my children that we were a team.
I raised my children to know that parents and children need to work together.
It’s also how I am desperately trying to make this current group of people who are caring for my elderly mom succeed as a team which consists of myself with doctors, nurses, rehab facilities, home health, social workers, family members, whoever is involved in caring for her as a team.
I am finally accepting that I simply cannot do everything alone for mom and relaying that to her as lovingly and best as I can.
Parents rely on us just as our children did and while it’s very similar in one way, it’s vastly different in other ways.
It takes awhile for some of us to catch onto this message. Many of you tried to explain this to me!
Sometimes we miss things due to being overwhelmed, afraid to feel we failed after trying so hard, maybe even some pride, whatever the case may be...who knows?
It’s trial and error. It’s individual and has to be tailored to our own needs. There isn’t always a simple solution to things. There are so many variables.
Kids and elderly parents are sometimes impatient, can be demanding, stressful and exhausting.
I sometimes feel that aging parents actually expect more than our young kids did. Seems like we are able to explain things more easily to children than aging parents. Some parents have extremely difficult challenges, special needs. Some caregivers have the same with ALZ.
We needed breaks from our kids which made us better parents in the long run in order to be refreshed and refueled. The same is true for caregivers of the elderly. One huge difference for me is that we ourselves are getting older and have our own concerns with health, finances, etc.
What are your thoughts on this? I’m curious to know how others feel. Where am I on point and where am I off base?
All answers are welcome, not just deep thinkers like me, be sarcastic if you wish. I have those days where I feel like I don’t give a rat’s a**! Be funny if you like, some things elderly people do make me crack up, even if it’s sad. Some caregivers are extremely funny. A sense of humor is important. Be sweet and melt my heart.
Answer any which way you like. In other words, just be yourself. Be sincere.
Also, how do others feel about outside support, professionals who care for the elderly? Do you feel it’s a calling for some?
Or do you feel it has become more of a ‘money making’ business? Let’s face it, aging care, just like child care for working parents has become a huge ‘profitable’ business for most. From what I have seen there aren’t near as many ‘non profit’ companies.
I know that I have tons of questions. Just chime in where you feel you would like to contribute to the discussion. Thanks!
A child/teen, you can set healthy rules and boundaries, and you can give out reasonable discipline, Also, if cannot find one for free, if you have the money, you can get a babysitter.
Elderly can go against you because they are bigger, and they will use that. It is not to say it is right, because they should want to make it as less burdensome as possible for their caregiver, and understand the sacrifices their child or younger relative is making. They may be the elder adult, but they not understand that caregivers have higher say, like, an older employee with significantly younger boss. Just be grateful to not be in nursing home or assistant living if caregiver is not abusing you. Finding someone to give you a break to even go to the store is impossible for the average caregiver. You are fortunate if you can hire a sitter for elderly paying them! Hiring a sitter for youth is not nearly as difficult if you can pay them if no one will do it for free.
I cannot really put it in words, but I say, not in the same league, even if you feel similarities. However, kids get to a certain age where, unless special needs, can do more on their own, and you get some time for yourself when they are teens and wanting friends time, or can watch themselves as you nap. Caring for elderly is far more physical and draining than raising more than one youth. The 24/07 on call is far more than 24/07 on call raising youth, with the youth, at least at some point, you get a full night sleep unless they have a special need that might wake you or will wake you. Also, when the young one can do something independently, you can expect them to do so, but if an elderly can do something independently but refuses to, they will use age card or what have you to get out of it.
I hope I am making sense, and not talking in circles!
Bless those who are reading this!
With older adults, you are supporting their health, independence, and dignity. It looks the same considering that you are using problem-solving techniques and relationship-building skills to achieve healthy lifestyles.
Good for you to realize that you are not a 24/7 nursing facility in 1 person. It takes burn out for many people to realize this truth. Just like it may take several trials to find the "right" babysitter for the kids, it may take several trials to find the right people for mom's and/or dad's support team.
You're on track, but beware that "adults" do not like to be compared to children as their independence and needs change. They are still "adults" even when they need more help.
The greeting card comment is so funny! So many times I have picked up greeting cards and thought, oh my gosh, this sentiment doesn’t fit. Who writes those things? It can take awhile to find the right card for the appropriate situation.
If we on this forum put our heads together to write greeting cards applicable to our situation it would be very interesting, right?
I didn’t mean a money making business for us the children caregivers. My mom doesn’t have money either. I’m speaking about facilities.
facility care is going to eat up money rapidly!
I know, so expensive. I am scared of the expense too. Mom has been in my house since 2005.
That’s why I said it’s big money for the facility. Sad because sometimes there isn’t a choice. Look at what drugs would costs if a person did not have insurance! No one can afford to get sick!
My mom does file her fingernails.
That isn’t an issue but her toenails is another story. She has developed this fungus thing that we treat and fights me to cut her toenails. I get afraid of ingrown nails. It’s those little things that I wish elderly parents would take more seriously and cooperate a little more with. I have to talk her into letting me do these things for her. She feels like she is a burden and I understand that. Hard to feel dependent on others and feel like they are bothering us.
I tried telling her to think of it as a ‘spa’ treatment. Didn’t work because she never did any pampering on herself like that. I wish she would go in for a pedicure sometimes but she won’t.
the foot doctor may give her a free toe clipping....
I have asked her to go to the nail salon for a pedicure. You’re right about the podiatrist, they do it too. My husband’s grandma used to go to the podiatrist for toenail trimming because she couldn’t do it herself anymore. This was years ago before the nail salons popped up all over the place!
Know own what I just thought of though? Some salons have had issues, bad issues with staph infections. That would be bad for an elderly person like my mom to deal with.