I bust my butt for my 95.5 yr. old Mother who lives with me, and work part-time as well. I do the very best I can to take care of her. She is able to get around with her walker and gets dressed herself. But, she is constantly pointing out negative things and brings them to my attention! Like, I just mowed and cleaned up the yard and she'll point out one leaf that is still out there! Things like that. It drives me nuts! I take pride in my flowers too and I have a beautiful arrangement of geraniums, alyssum, starburst lilies and light green potato vines. It's beautiful! She goes up to it and points out a few leaves that have some little bug holes in them- I'm mean minute ones! What the heck? Why can't she see the beauty in anything- it's always something I've left out or not done right. Yikes! My daughter says I am negative....woah- wonder where I get it from? Any suggestions? I have said to her, "Now, Mom, can you please point out how beautiful the whole arrangement is without nit-picking about one little thing?" She doesn't get it. I just want to scream!
When she points out the least little thing, say "Mmmmm that's too bad" or "That's unfortunate." or "What do you know." then exit the room. EVERY time she does this. It's her, not you. It's not the way you do things at all. It's her. Her glass has become half empty instead of half full. Take the high road and keep on keeping on. You can do this
It's so hard to be patient and understanding when they show no appreciation for what you do all day every day and night. Ours is such a needy, negative woman and we are just not equipped to give her the amount of attention she demands and take care of everything else. Don't feel bad about how you feel. There are a lot of us down here in the trenches with you. I wish I could give you some stellar advice. We were told to take 3 deep breaths in those situations before you respond to them to help calm yourself. It works if you remember. Sometimes it just feels better to scream or slam a door. She's deaf so she doesn't know. The dog just thinks we're crazy ;-)
It's great if you can ignore it, but I'm the sort of person who kind of absorbs other peoples' pain or irritation, so it is very hard to not let it affect my mood.
You have my utmost sympathy, Flowergirl. Wish I had better advice.
All she talked about was the past and how poorly she was treated as a child and what a victim she is. Same story, different day. After our conversation my daughter called me and I asked her if she had told her grandmother the good news. She said yes, she had talked to her twice. I was not surprised. Mom did not mention one word about her new great granddaughter. It was the excitement of the entire family but she never mentioned it. It wasn't about her.
Negative, selfish, totally uninterested. And this is not age related.
It conveys the impression that when she was in charge and powerful no bug would dare set foot in her garden. Maybe ask for her advice????????????"What did you use to spray them with Mom? That helps to validate her as a person and still valuable. Easy to make suggestions when not in someone elses situation.
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