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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I very much appreciate cmagnum's posts about emotional incest because it is a huge problem in our society that venerates the nuclear family but does little to encourage its healthy development.
That said, caregiving is not for everyone and that is perfectly acceptable. Excuses need not be made as to why a spouse does not want to share his/her home with their parents or inlaws. I originally thought about getting a bigger house to share with my inlaws until my brother talked me out of it and thank goodness he did! Caregiving is difficult enough without losing both privacy and intimacy.
A healthy marriage still needs tending and an investment of both time and energy. No one knows what the future holds. Putting your marriage on the back burner believing that you'll get to it later when your mother has died is not a plan. Sounds to me like you need to develop balance - healthy boundaries - regarding caring for your mother, caring for your husband, and caring for yourself.
why wouldn't you choose your parents they had to take care of you since you were an egg why cant you just pay them back they might die before your spouse but that just means that there is less time to spend with them.
I would always choose my parents over my spouse because you love both your spouse and your parents but you were loving your parent longer why haft to choose over somebody that has been there for you since you were born they changed your diapers, they had to pay for appointment like dentist and doctor visits to keep you alive and had to take time out of there day for you, why cant you do that for them? Why would your spouse make you choose, it is your choice even if you love them and have a family with them they should respect the people that made you, you and who brought you into this world. They should take a second of there life and ask themselves what would you do if it was there parents. Even if your parents are older and may die before your spouse or you that just gives you enough reason to spend more time with them and give back what they gave to you.
why choose over somebody who loved you and didn't give up on you when you were hurt or old. Ask yourself if you were in a car accident or hurt and had cancer or didn't remember anything like were you were and were you came from who do you think would be there by your bed and standing with you when you were having a rough time so why wouldn't you do the same thing for them? Your spouse should notice and know how much you love your parents and they should be willing to help if they are not willing to help you should think about who you love more your spouse who does not even care enough to help with your parents or your parent who may not always be the best you may have a rough time but you haft to remember who brought you into this world and who cared for you and who would never leave your bed side when you were alone and who would die for you? They may not always be there in the future and they might need your help now then they ever will so give back what they gave to you which is love and life.
When I married a man 30 years my senior, 32 years ago, I told him to NEVER make me choose between him and my parents and I wouldn't make him choose between me and his children. We both agreed.
When I had to assist my dad after mom passed, my DH would tell me to go visit my dad, "he looks lonely." (he was living in a mobile home in our front yard)
When my dad said to me that he knew and understood that DH came first, I corrected him - I said whoever needs me more comes first.
Sounds like you need to have this type of conversation with your spouse before it becomes an issue.
AABB - if that is how you feel, then you are not free to marry, because you are already married (to your parents). If you wish to do that, that is your right, but not to engage in what is actually bigamy - grossly unjust to any spouse you might have. Until you are truly free to marry, then please don't.
And keep in mind that many parents were/are mother/father in name only. If you doubt me, talk to police, emergency room nurses, etc. about child abuse.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
That said, caregiving is not for everyone and that is perfectly acceptable. Excuses need not be made as to why a spouse does not want to share his/her home with their parents or inlaws. I originally thought about getting a bigger house to share with my inlaws until my brother talked me out of it and thank goodness he did! Caregiving is difficult enough without losing both privacy and intimacy.
A healthy marriage still needs tending and an investment of both time and energy. No one knows what the future holds. Putting your marriage on the back burner believing that you'll get to it later when your mother has died is not a plan. Sounds to me like you need to develop balance - healthy boundaries - regarding caring for your mother, caring for your husband, and caring for yourself.
When I had to assist my dad after mom passed, my DH would tell me to go visit my dad, "he looks lonely." (he was living in a mobile home in our front yard)
When my dad said to me that he knew and understood that DH came first, I corrected him - I said whoever needs me more comes first.
Sounds like you need to have this type of conversation with your spouse before it becomes an issue.
And keep in mind that many parents were/are mother/father in name only. If you doubt me, talk to police, emergency room nurses, etc. about child abuse.