Closing out home of loved one after move to assisted living, advice?

I suggest hiring someone to "pack" the papers, photos, and other stuff you might be interested in keeping and moving it to a storage facility located near your home so you can go through it later and determine what you want/need to keep. You can usually hire a company to sell the remaining furniture and decorations, even kitchenware, or donate to a charity (many will pick up your donations). The company that handles estate sales here post pictures on their Facebook site the week of the auction and seem to get a good following. It's a lot easier to sort a box or two a day at your leisure from storage than try to get it done in a confined time while emptying the house.

I've had some time to breathe and go through all the responses - thank you all for them. Not sure what the attorney will advise - likely auction of whatever is left in the house, then sell the house. But at least now I can walk through the house - in most places - not possible two months ago. My time is limited - it's a good hour drive each way and no one in family nearby to help. I’m thinking maybe load all the scattered papers into boxes, take to storage so they are out of the house, and go through them later. Not everything will be relevant but things like tax returns, birth certificate, etc., should be located. Anyone have thoughts on cost of storage units? I've not looked into that. And who bears that expense?

The expensive possessions were all carefully documented and are now gone - that was tough. I'm not concerned about pots and pans, dishes, tools, clothing left behind. She has what she needs. What remains can be disposed of however the attorney decides. Bigger concern is sorting through the papers scattered and finding what should not be left behind for prying eyes. I feel like I owe my sister that much at least.

There are lots of books and tons of 3-ring binders full of expensive plastic sleeves…with music inserted. All that can probably be separated and recycled. Also fairly certain there is mold in the house. Next biggest problem is dealing with 94-year-old dear mother, an expert at hoarding, adamant about finding pieces of jewelry she knows are in that house somewhere. I realize she is dealing with grief in her way knowing her daughter may pass before she does. I dread the day I have to deal with mother’s belongings. 

All I can do is gather up ‘paper’, dump dresser drawers and file cabinets, box up what needs to be sorted later, and leave the rest. Most of the ‘music’ in the binders is likely stored on the computer - if we find password, the files could be downloaded for her use later although I doubt she will ask for them. If all else fails, maybe destroy the hard drive and add computer to auction. Am I thinking the right direction or missing any obvious points?

I'm so glad that you asked this question!
My parents condo which they still live in, with a caregiver during the week and myself for the weekends. My mom won't throw anything away, including the bottle of wine they received nearly 20 years ago when they bought the condo. I've begged them for year's to replace the carpet, which they refuse to do. It's a cream colored carpet that is black on all traveled areas. I've tried cleaning it several times to no avail. Every thing in the condo needs to be renovated. The furniture they have is falling apart but again, refuses to buy new. Other furniture is huge and bulky. I have a sister that doesn't help with them at all but will be the first one to grab what she thinks would be valuable. All closets are filled to the brim. My mom is 86 and dad is 90 in Nov. I know it's going to take a lot of work and time to get their place cleaned out. Not looking forward to it at all!! But as far as the carpet, id hate to put in new carpet for the new owners to rip out because it's not what they would want!! Their condo will definitely end up being sold as is!!
I'm thankful for all the responses to your question as it has helped me too!!
Prayers and hugs to all going through this now and in the future!!

We went through first and knowing where Dad would keep most things of value and/or papers in three rooms helped. So those rooms I reserved for myself and only a few other family/friends that were most trusted. Then had a shredding company to shred several bags of very old records not needed and old computers. Once family, friends, church, and fraternity got what they wanted, donated what we could and of course we took out everything Dad needed/wanted that helped. On occasion for just a few things I would video chat with Dad to get his feedback and to allow him to be in control of some of it. Then had company come in and do final clean out and clean up. We sold as-is so did not do repairs as it would not have gotten us any real added value in final sale.

I had to face 'having' to sell my mother's home to help cover costs for AFL.
I hired a real estate agent who, themselves, had an extensive list of service providers that would help get the place ready for market.

Between dealing with my mother and my own family obligations, I ended packing up a lot - just pulling out the drawers and closets and emptying them into a box. Furniture wise wasn't sure what she would need down the road but whatever it was, it was going to be a heck of alot smaller than what she had....so I had a non-profit come and pick up some of the furniture that I knew she wasn't going to need.
Then, rented a storage unit and had a moving company bring everything there.
And I am so glad I did.

Mother went down hill at the AFL, ended up in hospice, and then passed away - all in the matter of 4 months. There was SO much to do and so much time spent on helping her and being there for her, and making those medical decisions, spending time at afL, hospitals and hospice facilities.

During that time, the house was empty, the real estate agent got the service providers to bring house market ready, put on market, sold in 2 days. Done.

Now, I have started going through the storage unit. I bring home 1-3 boxes every other week or so, because I go through everything - every piece of paper has to be looked at and decided what to do with it. I have found Western Union telegrams from the 50s, passports from the 1920's, handwritten memories on slips of paper and photos - oh my, must be at least 35-40 photo albums packed solid. I now have the luxury of time and presence to go through all this...and be able to figure out what to do with things.

When she passed

Thank you so much for posting this question. I am dealing with the same situation right now. My 91 year old dad who has been in assisted living for 2 years has finally decided to sell his house now that my brother is no longer living there. My parents never threw anything away and going through their stuff is a job! I have found papers from the 20's which were from my grandparents. All of the responses from ones who have gone through this already have been so helpful. I don't think anyone realizes how difficult a task this is unless they are the ones dealing with it.

After I moved my married couple friends into a memory care apartment as their power of attorney, I started to deal with the condo they owned. First step was to have an antique dealer come and buy whatever antiques they had.

Second step was to invite some native American friends to take whatever furniture they wanted for free. Their community is the poorest in our state and both my friends and I were already friends with some, so this worked out well.

Then I went through everything else myself. Left over furniture went to Bridges,
along with some clothing. Very personal items I brought to my house with the idea of getting them to distant relatives of theirs. Only one on the wife's side, and only one contact on the husband's side. I still have to get around to giving or shipping these.

Then i had a realtor come in to give me advice on any changes I should make before trying to sell their condo. Double paned windows that had leaked between the panes were replaced, along with the entry door. I had the carpets cleaned next. The realtor had suggested an asking price but when I read about the shortage of low cost homes, I added another $20,000 to that and put it on the market. The second couple who saw it bought it. I had left a few things behind, like clothes storage items in the basement and a few pieces of furniture, like the filling cabinets and desk in the basement. an old couch and end table, etc. All was appreciated.

All this took time, of course. I found I could work about 3 hours a day before getting too tired at age 72, so I gave myself a lot of leeway. All this work was spread out over about 2 years. I didn't feel any undue pressure to hurry up on this, so I didn't. And I never told my friends what I was doing with all their stuff.
The wife had frontal temporal dementia and only lived another 5 months after I got them into their memory care apartment. Her mind was just shutting down, but I got the best advice from the head nurse there about what I should be ready for and do. I needed that guidance since I knew nothing about dementia and the forms it could take.

The day of the move, another friend came and took them out to breakfast in a nearby town and then to have their nails done. In the meantime, I was supervising the move of their furniture to their new apartment. We set it up just like they had it in their condo with the furniture arranged the same way with the same pictures on the walls, etc. They never said one word about wanting to go home or back since "home" was already there.

It was made easier for me with their habits of saving and investing money, so I could pay for what was needed quite easily. I was also executor of their estate, so knew what their wishes were. The husband is still living in that same apartment and at age 95 is remarkably healthy. I expect his veteran's benefits to begin soon to help pay for his care. These places are not cheap and his apartment is costing over $10,000 a month for most months, so I've gone through the savings and investments, condo sale money, etc.--thankful for his having had them to use. After 18 months of regular payments, the facility will accept whatever public financing is available. It's been over 5 years now, so he'll never have to leave.

STOP! You need to go through everything first. My parents hid money, documents, and valuables in closets, drawers, pockets, you name it. I found over $300 in cash stashed in various handbags and even the freezer. We found mom's checkbook rolled up in a shirt and hidden in the back of a drawer. Insurance papers, the title to the house and other items where hidden in books.

that being said I used EBTH to auction a lot of jewelry and watches and was very disappointed in the return. They advertised that they would connect with their network of collectors to build interest in the items but we only received a fraction of the appraised value of the items.

When I cleared out my parents house I used a local auction company that photographed everything left in the house and held an online auction. They handled everything and did a great job. I then cleaned the house, scrubbed swept and dusted.

We sold the house empty, as is, wishing 48 hours of it being listed. I think having cleared it out helped it show better. Buyers want to see the bones of a house, not someone else’s stuff.

When you have your friends and family choose the items they want don't let everyone in at once and don't let them wander by themselves. I made a serious error. A family member who always joked about hoarding tendencies actually is a hoarder. Getting items I wanted back took a lot of effort. I mean a lot of effort. Dozens of phone calls. I saw a new side to this person and I haven't forgotten.
Just be aware.

Ten years ago, mom was still in her house and I was maintaining everything and knew I couldn't keep it up.  I was exhausted and it was no longer safe for her to be there alone. We were waiting on a brand new assisted living facility to be built two minutes from my house.  Once it was complete, I called a realtor and listed her house.  I told the realtor we needed at least a days notice to show the house because I had to go there and clean the house to make it presentable and take mom out of the house.  I work full time and have a home of my own, so managing her and all of this was no walk in the park.  Luckily the home was shown maybe 10 times before it sold.  Moms furniture was too big for her AL apartment, so we bought new apartment sized furniture and I tried to make it a fun thing for the two of us.  "Decorating her cute little apartment".  I listed her large old furniture on craigslist and sold it.  Once mom was moved into AL, I then had the chore of going through everything....the garage, the attic, closets, etc.  It was exhausting and I was angry. I was angry that mom had dementia at a young age, I was angry that I didn't have any help, I was angry that she had so much crap in the house....I was just angry.   I hauled many things to GoodWill to donate what I didn't think I could sell.  Everything else was thrown out.  Pictures and documents were thrown into huge storage tubs and taken to my garage to be gone through when I wasn't under time constraints, because we had to be out of the house by a certain date.

Mom didn't have any money to hire help, so I had to do it myself.  Even if mom would have had money to hire folks for the heavy lifting, I would have had to have gone through everything first, because she had stuff hidden.  I didn't have a clue what all was in that house. 

I know my mom couldn't have predicted in her wildest dreams that she would be diagnosed with dementia in her 60's, especially when her mom was still alive and living alone and sharp as a tack!  So mom had not downsized or organized or planned.  I hope to have my things in better order so that my daughter is not saddled with the stress of everything I went through with my mom.

JLyn69: When I had to live with my late mother out of state in her home (long story short - she wouldn't budge), after she passed away we used a variety of tactics as we had to sell her home and I had to return to my state. Had a realtor with a lock box. Gave mementos to friends and family. Gave 500 baskets to florist shop - yes, my mother had that many. Gave furniture to family. Gave major furniture items to resale shop that picked up. Gave clothing and elder care items to senior center. Gave major food stuffs to family friend, whose DH was also a state trooper who offered to watch the home when we vacated it. Fortunately, after my DH arrived, he took control of the purging out since I was obviously exhausted as I had been living there without relief for an extended period AND I was already an elder myself.
Best of luck.

Mom's care facility said we had to sell the house so we got a realtor to take care of it. He came in, looked at it, and told us what it was worth, and put it on the market. It was a fixer upper. We had cleaned out the house and put mom's things in storage. Funny thing was, by the time we paid the elder law attorney and the realtor, the care facility didn't get much money - they were pretty upset!

My mother was in an "over 55" complex with 2 bedrooms and 2 baths. We moved her to assisted living. We cleaned out all the personal items in her house, then the realtor had an open house and offered any items (furniture, china, dishes, you name it) at a significant discount. Quite a few items sold and we packed up the rest and gave them to Goodwill. I removed all her medical/personal records and have them in a file cabinet in my garage.

Now her apartment in assisted living is much less cluttered and can be cleaned out easily. She is in the last days of hospice now so I will be more interested in seeing if the folks at assisted living have a service that will remove the remaining furniture.

I sold to *We buy ugly houses*
The house was a nightmare! Deferred maintenance, sewer problems.
They said anything we didn't want or couldn't move to just leave. They work with charities that come pick up unwanted furniture, kitchen items etc.
We went through everything and removed ALL paperwork, photos.
It was a huge relief to unload it. I got more than I expected given the really bad shape it was in. She and my father were chain smokers. 60 years of nicotine crap covered every surface in a smelly, grimey yellow sludge. I'm a non smoker can you tell?
Of course if the house is in good shape you're better off clearing it out and selling yourself.

Everyone has such good points. We were faced with a rush to clean out Mom's stuff this past summer. She was someone who never met a piece of paper she didn't love! She had every greeting card, every email (printed out), every photo that ever touched her hands. She was so good at squirreling things away that we had no clue what a hoarding nightmare we were faced with when it came to moving her, putting her house up for sale, and emptying the place.

We went through all the papers and photos, finding passports and cancelled checks and important documents mixed throughout. We preserved her treasures and she chose the furniture pieces that would go with her to her retirement apartment. We worked our tales off, mostly donating her things. (She had big pieces of oak furniture, hard to move and out of style. We were lucky anyone would take them off our hands.)

Now that she's moved and settled, she is so angry at us! She thinks we just gave her stuff away because we were too lazy to do a proper job of it. She gossips about my husband me behind our backs, but people tell us that she thinks we did her wrong.

If I had it to do over again, I might pay for a mover to pack everything up and move it to storage. Big expense, but then we could say to her, "When you feel better, you can go to the storage unit and sort it all out." I think that day would never come because she can't bring herself to throw away anything. At least then, however, she wouldn't think we did her wrong.

Bottom line: I don't think there's a best way to do this, but the house definitely sold better and faster because we had emptied it of the last shred of paper, the last treasured scrap of "still good" cloth, the last unread book....

Wishing you good outcomes!

Gracie, thanks for sharing the good advice on checking before something is discarded.  Medical records with SS numbers, or records with account numbers, could be financial manna in the hands of those w/o scruples.

You will get a better price for the house if it is empty and clean and repairs are made.
Technically the house will be sold “as is” since you probably can not complete accurately the disclosure statement. (Unless you have lived there and are fully aware of problems)
If you have the time it would be best for you and family members to go through the house. Most items are probably not worth much if anything at all other than sentimental value.
Companies that do Estate Sales take a hefty % also auction houses take a %.
Donation sites like Purple Hearts, Salvation Army, and others will pick up and most will take furniture. With the exception of mattresses, most will not take a used mattress.
You can contact the waste disposal company and ask if they will bo a special pick up. Or you can buy the “Bagster” a less expensive, smaller version of a dumpster. Unless there is a lot then a dumpster might be a better option.
Make sure you go through ALL pockets, drawers, books and any other place cash or valuables might be hidden.

Juse finished doing this for my mom in Memory Care. My sister and I , spent many months working a few days each week, sometimes together, sometimes separately. Now we are lucky, Mom and Dad planned ahead, and has savings and LTC insurance, so Medicaid rules or her needing funds did not apply. So knowing mom would want her things to be used by family first, then sold/donated we went to work. Mom saved ALL my and my sister schoolwork! toys, board games, even my old brownie uniform. It was hard to go through, as we kept getting distracted by memories. My mom and dad's correspondence during his wartime service!
So my sister and I took what we wanted, then grandkids, then other close family members and friends. We shredded tons of paper(think tax records dating to the 50s) Go through all purses, and all paper. Keep records dealing with the house like insurance claims and maintenance or loans..
We found more than $3000, in travelers checks and cash tucked away. Part in a dresser( they lived on Gulf coast, was their run from the hurricane money, part among old vacation memorabilia. Over $200 in coins. We boxed up hundred of photos dating to the early 1900, some were my grandparents (young grandad grinning on a motorcycle!) My son took her piano and now my grandchild is learning piano on the same piano I did.
Once family had everything we wanted, and personal papers either shredded or kept and trash had been discarded, we contracted with a local person to do an estate sale. They washed, displayed and priced everything and ran the sale for 3 days. They take a percentage of the profits, what % varies with company. Ours, once complete, let us look over things one more time, and then said they would donate or discard what we didn't want that didn't sell.
Once all that was done, I hired a cleaning service to do a deep clean on everything, and we put it on the market.
The check for the sale will be placed in her retirement accounts along with proceeds from the sale to be used for her care.

I would caution you just not to sell without going through things. Some of my college paperwork was still there,, which had my social security number all over it, and of course all my parents tax records. Which could be an issue with identity theft.

Generally houses must be empty to be sold.

I am in the middle of this situation with my parents house. I found a AL facility much closer to me and my family, which is a great place. Now trying to empty many years of stuff to sell the house. What I am finding is that the estate sales people in the area are too busy or are scheduling sales 3-5 months out. No one in the area is picking up donations, and many places are only accepting limited drop-off donations or none at all. Thank You pandemic. We have taken home more the things than we needed; are taking some to places in my town accepting donations, and will be calling a junk collector to carry out the things I can't manage myself. My parents would not like what we did but we are doing the best we can. Instead of selling it in 3 months, it has now been 8 months. Part of the problem has been me though, as I have been trying to carry-on life at my house and make many 1 to 3 day trips to work on theirs. Not looking for advice here, but sharing the reality of how things have changed in some parts of the country.

I became disabled, no family. To the extent possible, I went through it all and put it into boxes. I also begged for friends to come and help - not an easy thing to accomplish. Finally all was marked in boxes - donations, to (name), etc. I contacted an auctioneer who I thought was the answer to prayer (big mistake). I thought the contents would be brought to the auction and people would bid (I saw it and liked the results). Well the day came and I hired someone to be present and supervise as I was unable to be there. The auctioneer people just came (about 8 of them) and totally ignored everything he said or did. Took everything - they did NOT auction items - instead they put items into "lots" and sold the lots for xxx dollars. I got far less than what he originally told me. I felt violated and scammed - but it was too late. I was by then a misfit cripple - could not walk - in assisted living. Lost my home, my life, EVERYTHING, and then this. I never got over this.

Homes tend to sell sooner if they have been professionally staged. Usually a realtor will have somebody who can do that. My sister and mom have both sold homes in the last couple of years. From their experiences:

1 - Box up everything that is personal, religious, alcohol-themed, has semi-clothed figures, or profanity.
2 - Box up everything until you have achieved a hotel room level of decoration.
3 - Store all this is a garage or storage unit.
4 - Empty out the pantry, freezer, and refrigerator.
5 - Get a professional cleaner in to do a thorough cleaning, including carpet.
6 - Cut the grass and mulch flower beds.
7 - Get a professional photographer (realtor usually has a good one) to take great pictures of the home.
8 - Once property posts, most homes are sold in less than 1 month.
9 - You can sell contents of home to one of those second hand buyers once the property sells. Sometimes home buyers want to but the furnishings.

Hello. Ive been wondering the same thing and have decided that once my family picks thru things (while i’ll be looking over their shoulders at my meaningless little scraps of paper) that i’ll call various donation places and let them look and once theyre all done i’ll call the junk haulers, step back, and have them take away the rest.

no garage sales ... im to lazy and will want to keep it all.

im not a “complete” hoarder ... whatever that might be ... but i “cant” get rid if it on my own either.

On another tangent on elders selling thier home, if Medicaid is involved or anticipated to be a part of your elders paying for care in the future, please be mindful that Medicaid has compliance issues for elders assets. And you need to keep any & all receipts and records relating to the sale of the home & the costs to sell to deal w future Medicaid. Especially invoices & receipts for work done by family or friends who do not have a business (that is being paid).

Also if they are any community based Medicaid programs now (like PACE or an inhome service) and they went onto this after age 55, Medicaid is required to attempt a recoup of all costs paid from their estate after death. Done via MERP for however your state runs this. This gets sticky if they sell a home while still alive as that Medicaid “bill” is looming out there but is an after death process unless your state can do a placeholder lien on the property. It’s not a securitized lien like a mortgage, it’s more subterranean lien. If state does Tefra, that lein could arise in title search and change who gets $ at the Act of Sale. If your elder is on Medicaid now, clearly ask your Realtor what their experience is on Medicaid liens for your state.

Also should they need Medicaid down the road from now and apply for LTC Medicaid (care in a facility), that Medicaid application will have a 5 yr lookback on all their financials. The #s have to make sense…..
Say mom sold the house today for 350K & mom gets 1500 a m in SS income and mom ends up applying for Medicaid in Nov 2023 (2 yrs from now). Medicaid will want to know if that was FMV for its price and sold as “arms length sale” and the caseworker can access state databases for all this. To apply for LTC Medicaid you have to be down to 2K in assets in most states & by applying you allow for all access pass to your information, like any state & federal database. Medicaid will want to know in detail & with documentation just where $ 384,000.00 went. If any $ was gifted, Medicaid will place a penalty on the application. It can make sense, like they r paying 16K a mo private pay for care in a facility. 16 x24 = 384. But if living with family with no personal care agreements in place, it looks sketch.

My mother and dad were hoarders. Especially of papers and correspondence. My dad lived to 96, my mother (99) is still alive. When we sold their house, it took two 20 yard dumpsters just for their paper trash, leaving 96 boxes or tubs full of "important papers, don't get rid of those!". My cousin had a great idea. We took all of their other stuff out on the lawn, put up a sign that said, "Every item - $.25 cents!" By the end of the day, all of their thousands of useless items were gone!

Here's the reality on estate sales. I've had one for my in-laws home which had more than 50 YEARS worth of accumulation in attics, basements, garages, etc. As people get older, they just can't keep up with maintaining all their "stuff". It gets old, dusty, dirty, brittle, etc. After family members took what they wanted, we hired a local estate company. We had the option (for an additional fee) to have them "take care of" the remaining items. What they do is, they load it up in truck and take it away. After an estate sale, there is literally nothing left of value. That truck will go to a dump. Estate companies do not have the personnel to sift through leftovers to resell or donate.

We chose to deal with the leftovers ourselves. I then washed and cleaned what I donated (please don't donate dirty dusty items to charity) and hired a clean out company who hauled the remaining stuff away. It was a truck and a half of "stuff".

As we age, please consider family members who are left behind. In 2 years, I had to "clean out" 50 years worth of my parents AND my in-laws houses accumulation alone. It was mentally and physically exhausting as I am a VERY sentimental person. All those items brought back memories and there were many days I would drive home after working in their houses all day and sit in my driveway and cry -- for the loss of my parents and in-laws and the fact that we (as a society) accumulate so much "stuff" that our family members do not WANT. What we think is valuable is NOT to our children. Trust me. Do your family a favor, and donate your items NOW before leaving it for family members to deal with. After 40 years of marriage, I pretty much have had that conversation with my 3 children. I know what they want of our "stuff" and it's not much. In fact, hardly anything. I am in my early 60's and my goal is to clean out as much as possible while I'm able to do it. Don't wait hoping your family wants your "stuff". Do it NOW.

As someone else posted As Is means you are not responsible for repairs or upgrades. You will either have to go through and keep what you want, make piles one is keep, one is donate, and one is trash. Or make it all trash. Take pickup loads at a time to the dump. Clean out everything. I was able to sell to a local guy who wanted to flip it. He paid the tax assessed value (which you need to keep as a minimum if your parent may need medicaid). We didnt have to pay any realtor that way.

We had to do this twice with late MIL and my mother who is now in SN. It was an arduous process. Alot was thrown out but there was also much saved that was desirable or sentimental that was meaningful. We along with my 3 adult children received some of it. In both cases realtors wanted the place mostly cleared out to a degree. Then the house and apartment were generally sold as is as they both needed improvements. They both were in a desirable real estate market so they sold fairly quickly. I think you need to be aware ot the real estate market you are in.

If you have no desire for anything in the residence and an estate sale company wants the business then go that way. I don't think it is advisable to think a new owner should take this on unless you are in a very hot market and or you are selling below current market value. Perhaps you can come back and update us. It is nice if a poster asks for advice and replies generally to all who have given advice. Taking myself out of the equation you have received alot of very strong advice.

Eother way.
I have purchased homes both ways.
Might as well list it right away with just a For Sell Sign by owner, just in case someone in the area is looking to buy.
Then let the Interested Buyer know that it can be done either way. They can Buy As Is or Cleared out.
If you don't want to have to make Repairs, List it as AS IS and CASH Only.
Selling it yourself will save you 6%

First and foremost, PLEASE honor your loved one by having him/her keep a few treasures and donating much the rest. Yes, it is time consuming but it can be done. You will still need to personally go through all papers for valuable legal documents, & financial info that needs to be safely kept or destroyed, etc. You'd be surprised at the amount of stuff that is wanted and needed and can be donated - just go online. There are many reputable organizations, like Habitat for Humanity that will pick up your furniture for free. 1800GOTJUNK can take care of all the excess. A good realtor can guide you to professionals who handle the disposition of estates but be aware this can come with a hefty price tag. The sale will go more swiftly with a cleaned out home. Best of luck.