I am the brother and caregiver for my sister, she's 73 I am 63, I love her and she's so easy to care for,., but I am getting funny feelings and a cold welcome now if and when I bring her to the wife's parents for family functions and holidays. I am going to just stay at home with her for holidays this year.
I have total empathy for you...I recognize you're a good man because you are caring for your sister and even that it hurts you to recognize your in laws are less than thrilled that you've brought your sister to their family functions. But you are wrong.
If you recognize that your sister is casting a shadow on your wife's family's get-together so, you should absolutely, most of the time, hire someone to stay with your sister at home.
Look, your wife is an angel. I doubt she saw her close-to-retirement years including sharing your family home with your sister who has dementia. I don't care how easy she is to take care of.
My advice to you would be to attend most of wifey' family functions without your sister simply telling your I laws you're happy for the break. Then, the few times you do bring her, they won't mind. I can almost guarantee it.
People who know me here know that I call a spade a spade. So I won't let them down...
In my opinion, you are ALSO an angel for caring for and about your sister. Further, and here comes the hard part, you are being selfish. Give your wife this gift. She deserves it.
How many family functions have you attended with her? It is bound to be a little awkward at first, and you may be overly sensitive as well. It may work out better if you and your wife came separately so you could leave earlier and come later.
I also have found that many dementia patients do not enjoy being in social situations for more than few minutes. It can create confusion and tires them out. I would see no reason to expose them to an event that would go the course of the evening. That's why I might have an odd look on my face.
Even if you sister is entertaining and conversational, for some reason your wife's family isn't comfortable with it. I would respect their feelings.
It's one thing to bring your sister sometimes to a family event; it's another entirely if you are ALWAYS taking her.
Stacy - these answers also apply to you. Hoping you can both start to get some small part of your lives back.