Has anyone ever come home and found elderly relative dumped at their front door?

It makes me sad.People are not to be dumped.:(

The legalities all stem from whether the original caregiver had DPOA or not. If they didn't, they would have to go to court to prove the 2nd caregiver/schemer were "running through" or "stealing" the money. If 2nd found guilty, and 1st caregiver was willing, the judge would most likely grant DPOA to the original caregiver in hopes what money is left would be enough to care for the parent. If 1st could prove that parent was incapable of making decisions, it is possible, but not likely, that the judge would charge 2nd with fraud, petty theft, grand larceny, etc. for the obvious mishandling of the parent's funds. But again, it's hard to prove just when the parent was no longer able to make these decisions if the 1st caregiver hadn't already pursued getting the DPOA based on mental acuity of the parent.

Now, if 1st caregiver did have PDOA based on parent's mental state, then the only way for the "schemer" to get control of the assets was either through the courts by proving the original DPOA/caregiver unfit or by down right fraud. If they did it legally through the courts, and the original caregiver can afford to and has the proof, they can take the second caregiver/DPOA back to court to try and get DPOA returned to them - but it's usually a he-said-she-said kind of thing and only if it's blatant abuse of the DPOA would the judge overturn the judgment. More likely, since 2nd proved 1st incompetent or greedy, then 1st went back and proved same of 2nd, the judge would appoint a patient advocate as the DPOA and both 1st and 2nd would lose what was left as well as any rights to choose how parent was cared for. Of course, if 2nd gains DPOA fraudulently, the legalities range from petty theft to grand larceny, fraud, possible abuse and neglect charges and a host of other charges. 2nd could go to jail, but the money's gone, and really no way to recoup it.

That's why I always recommend that when a parent begins to show signs of needing long-term care, all the siblings, spouse and parent involved should sit down with an Elder Care Lawyer and get everyone's responsibilities in writing. Decide who the DPOA is as a group, and appoint others as the watchdog. They should also be able to 'drop in" on the caregiver to check on their parent. Though this is a huge imposition on the caregiver's life, and it's already upside down just from taking on this burden, it's necessary. And, all siblings should know they have to PAY the sibling taking care of the parent and help with the parent's other costs as well, like medication and doctor fees, clothing, gas for getting to and from doctor appts, etc. They should also know that one weekend a month they have to become the caregiver to give the primary caregiver a break. They should also know that they need to PAY for the primary caregiver's family to have two week long vacations a year to keep from burning out. And they should also be prepared if the primary caregiver has children, to come over and sit with the parent when primary's children have special occasions like a soccer game or are in a school play. The burden/gift of taking care of one's parent should never be dumped on one sibling, it should be shared among all of them, EQUALLY. Which means if a sibling lives out of town and can't do the drop bys and relief weekends and cover special events, they need to open their wallet WIDE.

Keep in mind, a sitter costs anywhere from $10-$50 an hour and the primary is doing this 24/365. Nursing homes cost anywhere from $4,000.00 to $15,000.00 a month, so giving the primary a break, covering the expenses your parent has added to their life is mandatory, such as food, clothing, medicines, doctors bills, etc. should be covered by the remaining siblings since the primary caregiver can no longer work and earn a living, some small wage needs to be mandated as well. Remember, it's far cheaper to pay the primary a 40-hour minimum wage salary (or even just $500 a month) and provide the above list of "breaks" and "financial expenditures" than it is to fork over $4,000 a month to a Nursing Home and still have to pay extra for the parent's clothes, medicines, doctors fees, medical tests, laundry, toiletries, etc. Keep in mind, if the parent wants cable and a phone, those fees are NOT included in the Nursing Homes fees either.

I've had the opposite. I have a sleazy relative that has used all of their parent's money and now has 'kidnapped' my dad. My dad believes that he is needed to help his elder sibling (she is 95). He left my care and moved in with her. There is nothing I can do legally. I'm sure that when he is left penniless, he will be returned to me. Sadly, dad has early stages of dementia, but is still considered legally competent meaning that any money he gives over is legally done. Not against the law, but none-the-less unethical.

Of course, there is also the problem of physical and emotional abuse to the parent. Dropping them off, without knowing if they would be able to get into the house is definitely abuse and neglect and will get them in a heap of trouble. The immediate action is to take the parent to the doctor to be sure they are not suffering from lack of their medications, malnourished, dehydrated or sick from an untreated illness. You do this for two reasons, first, it's critical to be sure the parent is not in imminent danger. The second is for documentation purposes. While you are at the hospital waiting to get the doctor's results, call the police and inform them of the suspected neglect and abuse and that you "came home to find them on your doorstep" and brought the parent to the ER to get them checked over. The police will take a report from the doctor attending and will be able to pursue the matter much more quickly than filing reports with the state. And if anything is seriously wrong, you'll have the doctors taking care of the situation hopefully before it is life-threatening and the doctors will stand with you when you talk to the police. In fact, I would call the police en route and tell them you were too afraid to wait for their arrival and for them to meet you at the hospital.

Assandache7, not much help at all. He can barely stand without his can. To compound it, his license was revoked. When he was with me, I was able to prevent him from driving, but he is now living 10 hours from me and they allow him to drive. He takes his sister to the doctor, church, etc. In other words, my cousins don't have to. I am worried sick about him wrecking and injuring ( or worst) himself or others. Heartbreaking.

Oreo1592 - Do not schedule your Mother's funeral around your sister's cruise. Your Mother deserves the respect of being buried in a timely fashion and your sister's cruise can be cancelled due to a death in the family. She can get a refund as soon as she gets a copy of the Death Certificate sent to them. Unless she went the cheapo route and didn't get the travel insurance or it's in the fine print. Either way, your Mother is your first concern here, not your sister's cruise. So sorry this happened to you and God Bless you and your family for your loss.

To me, this is totally wrong, but then again, it's me. Don't know what rights you have, but have you thought about returning the favor? It is amazing how much greed enters into caring for another person. Who has the POA for this person?
Good luck with your situtaion, keep us posted, please

I can do that?

I have found that people do not want the most useful answer for many of these situations: Nursing home, public aid. That's it. Sorry. I have never promised my parents I wouldn't put them in a nursing home because it's probable they will end up there. My mom died in one undergoing 'rehab' (uh-huh) It's just a sad fact that we can't take care of them at a certain point.

In a way, yes, this happened to us. Mom was in ALF on the east coast. After illness, she got to feeling well enough to travel. Sister sent her out to us on the other coast with a one way ticket. The understanding was that she could stay a month or two - or even thru the winter... A week later sis said that she gave up the room at the ALF & basically said that it was our turn.
We had actually wanted her here to start with - but needed to make preparations, - wanted to add a room on, for her, etc.... yeah - I use the words "dumped on us". It was rough go for a while, especially since Mom thought I was in on the conspiracy of getting her out here. She lasted almost 13 months & passed this past Monday with cardiac arrest while at the eye Dr's.
Now I am making service arrangements around sis's upcoming scheduled cancun cruise! Unbelievable!

We're going ok, & glad we stuck through it all, altho we did have quite a few rough spots along the way. It actually got easier as the months went by. It was mostly my dealing with my own "issues" from way back... So have no regrets.