Tired of being mentally/verbally abused. Dad in ALF - can't deal anymore! She constantly calls to make others feel bad for her misery/what life has dealt. But has been this way her whole life, - everyone has to feel miserable if she does - won't take suggestions that might help her well being becuz then she won't have anything to bitch about! I'm 55, and DONE! But since I've been manipulated into her sick world my WHOLE life, this is an epiphany and I can't do this toxic thing anymore-- always made to feel guilty cuz I don't visit -- every time any kid visits her, they leave after a terrible altercation vowing never to return - yet we always do. Enough is enough - as much as I want to go visit dad, I can't fathom the thought of having to endure HER! I finally told myself, I HATE her - now what do I do when the next dramatic/manipulating/vitriol filled phone call comes????
I don't mean this unkindly, but needing to accept Mother's phone calls in order to stay informed about Dad sounds a whole lot more like an excuse than a reason.
See a therapist. Even if you already know what he or she is likely to say, having the support of someone else saying it can be very valuable.
I like the idea of you visiting in person with a HIPPA form for you at the nursing home and for the Primary Care Physician's office and what ever hospital he would use as the case may be. Competent or not, get his signatures on the forms, copy them, and fax in one to each office and keep your other copies safe. Then you can get info direct from the horse's mouth.
I eventually learned that I could not trust anything my narcissistic mthr said. She would lie about people's health status to get me worked up, when there was nothing wrong with them. It's best to get that HIPPA signature just to be able to get first hand info even if your loved one were not connected to your narc!
There are plenty of articles here about dealing with narcissist parents. Do a search in the search site box in the upper right hand corner for more information about dealing with this type of verbally abusive parent who emotionally blackmails their adult children with Fear, Obligation and Guild, F.O.G. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Best wishes to you!
Finally read my entire childhood in print!
I feel so heard and no longer alone.
My brother's recent passing has completely changed the dynamics of our relationship.
It took death to break the 60 year cycle!!
I can only tell you that you are not alone and that any negative feelings that you have towards her are healthy feelings. You should not feel bad about limiting contact as much as possible. Please take care of yourself.
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