I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how to handle the constant state of mourning one experiences when they are taking care of someone with later stage Alzheimer's disease? I am finding it harder and harder to even want to be in the same room with her. I know I have to so I can help take care of her needs, but I look at her and just shake my head most of the time wondering how it got this bad for her and for us. I feel grief every day from this, and now I am wondering if I will even cry when it's over or will I just be in a state of shock? I think I will feel relief too because it will all be over finally. It may sound harsh, but I feel that nobody should have to live in that state of mind and with all the physical problems she has. How do I deal with being around her constantly and not go crazy myself from the sad situation it has become? Any tips would be appreciated. Thank you.
In her very helpful book, "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia," therapist Pauline Boss writes about "ambiguous loss." The person we love is both here and not here at the same time. We are mourning them at the same time we are taking care of them. It can be somewhat reassuring to learn that what you are experiencing is common and normal -- at least it was for me.
I think the mourning we experience after the loved one dies has a lot of relief in it.
Hugs to you.
In my case, with my wife, I perseived the diference when I read Boss, her perception of the diference btwen death and "ambiguos" death, is brilliant.
I did not had the experience of seeing my parents in this cisrcuinstances, my mother died when I was 14 and manyyears later when my father had a stroke, I was far away.
Because of that, I don´t know what is worst, much less if there is a diference among the situation of a parent or a wife/husband.
And in any case, there is not a diferent result, we have to deal/endure a cruel situation, that can be for along long time. And I have to remain me constantly that what she is doing is not because of her. It is the disease. And patience.
I wish you much luck and support. Many hugs
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