My father-in-law recently had open heart surgery,,he is 85 and wasn't in that great of a shape going into this surgery. Now they are telling us that he isn't recovering as was hoped for and expected. He is on a ventilator and is in a care facility, his daughter is making all the decisions and does not keep us updated, which for me is frustrating. I encourage My husband to go and see his Dad sooner than later as we don't know the outcome of this situation. His sisters are in touch and Neil doesn't want to disrupt their plans.
If he doesn't go, and his father dies, I think he'll regret it. If he does go, no matter how bad it is, I think he'll feel good that he faced it down and that he was there for his father. So keep encouraging him to see his father and tell him you'll be right there at his side.
That being said, after reading some of the comments here, if your husband comes from an abusive home, all bets are off. But if he feels shut out or intimidated by his sisters, or afraid to see his dad on a ventilator, those aren't good enough reasons for him to rob himself of seeing his dad alive. Of course, that's just my opinion, and I have no right to speak for him, I would just hate for him to have regrets.
I appreciate that it is frustrating not being kept in the loop, but I expect your SIL has her hands full; she may also assume that if you want to know what's happening you will ask. So do ask. Text enquiries are best, because they can be answered when time allows and you don't risk inadvertently butting in at a bad time.
Will you go with him?
Alert his sisters that he is coming and make that he doesn't rely on them for lodging or transportation or meals. Doing so will make his visit much smoother.
As over whelming as it is for you both I think it is probably more overwhelming for the sisters that are close by. They are faced with decisions and I am sure they would love the support.
I sure hope this is a supporting family and not one that is fractured......
And a side thought.... I am guessing that the sisters or at least one of them is close by and at the hospital often. If that is the case depending on what her life is like if there is a way to send her a gift card to a local restaurant to thank her for the support that she is giving your father in law it would be one less dinner that she has to fix after a day at the hospital
If at all possible I also think that you should go with your husband when he visits. Even if it is just for a short time. You will be there to support your husband.
Aisling
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