My 86 year old mother has lived with us for 8 years. Her only contribution to our family expenses is $100 a month for groceries. Her only income is Social Security. How do others handle this? I feel like there needs to be more funds from my mom. It is a little uncomfortable to bring it up, though.
If there are 4 of you in the house (including mom) divide gas, electric, mortgage, insurance, garbage, cable, food by 1/4 and she pays her 1/4 of all expenses.
Keep records,
If at anytime you need to apply for Medicaid these would be expenses that would be acceptable as it is for her care.
If you are physically caring for her you could also charge her for your time caregiving. I would write out a Caregiver contract though and indicate what you do and how many hours of caregiving you do. Set a rate that is equal to what caregivers in your area get. (this would be income for you so you would have to declare it as such)
Does she have a warm bed and a place in your home? Does her living with you mean you have greater needs for utilities, etc?
When mother moved in with YB family, they decided she'd pay for the cable, since she had to have her 'shows" so she contributes about $150 to the family budget.
Then she started cranking the heat up to 80 in midwinter, and needing to be driven everywhere she goes, she got a cell phone, which is bundled into YB's monthly acct....all in all, he feels she should be paying closer to $400-$500, but she only gets $2800 a month. That's not bad, as she really only has medical bills, but her living with YB's family has stressed them financially.
All us sibs slip YB some cash a couple times a year. He had to go to PT work in order to care for mom.
When she dies, all the rest of us sibs will simply sign 'our' inheritances over to him. It won't be much, and he can never be made whole---but after 24 years of her living there..he cannot bring up a 'raise' from her.
I will add that she routinely spends $1000 a month on garbage from catalogs.
How and when did you come up with the $100 a month for groceries? If it was quite some time ago and it's just never been revisited because it never came up, you may be pleasantly surprised and your mother may be perfectly content to discuss an update.
But the first thing must be to add up. You can go for the percentage figure Grandma54 suggested, lots of people do; but if you don't like that idea another possibility is to figure out what amount (roughly) your mother adds to your household budget - how much extra does she cost for electricity, water, phone, food, wear and tear, what have you?
What's pretty certain is that living with you is going to cost her less than living by herself anywhere else. And nobody ever promised that once you're over 75 everything is free! So don't feel bad. It is actually more disrespectful to treat your mother as though she's some kind of helpless wet behind the ears infant who's never heard of the cost of living than it is to ask her to discuss household budgets.
Groceries are much more expensive now than 8 years ago.
I am like G1954, divide the expenses and allocate an equal share to her. Now if you have a mortgage, she should be paying a portion of the interest, not the principal. If she does not use the internet, then of course she will not pay any of that, unless you are using it to managing her care.
where would she go just paying 400.00 a month ANYWHERE???
I say charge her. Or have her live someplace else.
She would be paying her share of costs. She pays whatever dollar amount monthly and it is allocated towards her share of living expenses. If your utilities are 600.00 monthly and 3 of you live there then she pays 200.00, groceries are split the same way, unless she has specific dietary needs and then she pays 100% of that expense. It is okay for her to pay you for her room, you would calculate what her square footage is, divide that into your mortgage and add property taxes and insurances to that and that is what she pays as her share of cost.
If you drive her around, you can do it a couple of ways. She can pay mileage at the standard IRS rate or she can buy the gas or pay the insurance. Whatever works for all of you.
She will not be penalized if she needs care that ends her on Medicaid. They expect people to pay their way, it is the transfers of large sums of money right before someone files for Medicaid that causes problems, not the cost of living expenses.
Was her spouse a vet that served during war? If he was, she could qualify for assistance.
Call Council on Aging and express your concerns. They can lead you in the right direction to apply for help.
Best wishes to you.
When/if your mom ever needs to go into a nursing home, they will take all of her assets, so she is not "saving" for anything.
Have the conversation with your mom. Be prepared with real numbers from outside caregivers and facilities if she gives you push back. She may not have a clue what things cost. Everyone thinks because it's family that it ought to be free. If we were talking about letting a family member stay for a couple of weeks or even a month or two while recuperating from a surgery or waiting for an apartment to open up, staying for free is not a big deal..but 8 years! No way.
To make it fair, consider how much your mother had to pay in medications and treatments, She should pay for her own supplies - toiletries, incontinence supplies, medications, dietary supplements in addition to an amount for moderately-priced meals (check frozen meal prices as a gauge). Consider adding transportation costs for her appointments and travel needs to financial burden. You will then get a true cost for her to live with you. Please do not take all her money, but allow her to have a little spending money so she can treat herself and buy small gifts for others.
When you have calculated the costs, opt for a family meeting instead of just a demand for more money. Show mom what her costs are for her own needs. If you are happy getting that amount of money, ask that she contributes that to her own care. If you need a little more coming from your mother, you can show her "roommate share" - but only do this if she can afford it. If she can't afford that amount, ask how she would like to contribute to "family needs."
Unfortunately, not all locations of the Cleveland Clinic, nor their individual doctors participate in this program.
Debt collectors will call you to try to collect the debt. They have no compunction to stop, even if you do not have the ability to pay.
I would not recommend doing a debt settlement, primarily because that will result in a taxable event for the forgiven or cancelled debt.
Based on situation, you would be eligible to file a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy and wipe out all the debt without having a taxable consequence. It does appear on your credit report for a period of 7 years for a Chapter 7 and 10 years for a Chapter 13. However, there are ways to rebuild your credit after filing a bankruptcy. I have had clients rebuild their credit score and purchase a house within 2 years of receiving a discharge
I specialize in Chapter 7 and Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I am in Cleveland Ohio as well. Best wishes.
If she was in a nursing home or assisted living they would be taking ALL of her income and leaving her 60 bucks a month spending money. They'd also take her house and whatever other assets she may own. Explain it like this to her.
You are not doing that. Taking 80 percent of her monthly income is generous on your part.