It's so scary! Mom has to have a scope run the 23rd but she's to the point where she can't eat very well which means she's getting weaker and also she's down in her back. I'm here on my own so I have no help All I can do is make sure I stay with her when she's getting up to go to the restroom. But my problem is I work 2nd shift and she's home alone. Do I just make her go ?? Guess its just scary watching her waste away In front of me. Feeling soooo guilty! Any suggestions?
Your mother's concerns are legitimate. My dad went into the hospital and never got out except to go to a nursing home. Not too long after, my mother needed a colonoscopy for suspected cancer but she knew that even she could get through the tests she couldn't withstand the surgery. She declined and I told her that I'd do whatever she wanted. I feel that our elders have the right to make their own decisions on these matters unless dementia is advanced. Mom still lived many years so I feel she made the right decision.
It doesn’t sound as if your mother should be left alone. If in-home care is not an option, I'd look into a nursing home where you can be with her for a time each day when you're not working. When people need to work, which is most of us, we often have to make very hard choices about how best to care for a loved one whose health is failing. Extended families close by aren't an option for many, and even if they are, they, too, must work. A trained "stranger" is better than nobody.
I’d talk with the doctor about how your mother would benefit from the procedure. If the doctor feels that a diagnosis could truly help your mother live a better and perhaps longer life, then talk calmly with her, explain the facts and try to convince her. Otherwise, I’d look at comfort care.
These decisions are very, very hard, I know. Keeping your mother's overall wishes in the forefront can help.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol
what the tests are for
what treatment will be available for your mother following the tests
what the likely outcome would be.
Once you've thought about all of it, then rethink whether or not you agree that your mother should undergo this procedure. Quite apart from her being afraid that once she steps inside the hospital she'll never get out again, the tests themselves - I assume this is an endoscopy, is it? - are no fun.
But you also say she can't eat very well, and that she is getting weaker. In your place, I think I would call her main doctor and have a down to earth discussion about mother's options and prognosis. Are you able to take any compassionate leave from work?
Either way, she can not be left alone any more, unless you are willing to accept coming home to a deceased person.
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