Wife getting upset with husband because he can't be out there all the time. Goes as often has he can get off 3 days off in a row and sometime goes SAT-SUN. She states he is letting her down. Mother in Law not will to move to our area. I am willing to move out to that area, but it takes a high paying job to be replaced in order to make it work. Hard to come by these days. Additionally we have a 13 year old daughter to is upset that her family is broken up and wants here mom to come home, but Mom demands to stay there. Wife won't even take any free time to enjoy herself when we're out there. A perfect example is we spend a lot of money for tickets to a Christian music event but Mom isn't willing to go as a family because she's under too much stress. To me going off with her family and being exactly that would be very beneficial. To take it a step further, our daughter has been talking for months about the event with excitement, my wife wants me not to take her and stay there with her or she will be upset. (Tickets are not transferrable to another person to take my daughter because they are VIP) I'm at odd to what to do... any advise for me?
My way of figuring it out is, If my mind, my heart and my gut all feel the same way, then it's the right thing to do. Where is YOUR limit?
Also, try to connect with your daughter doing one or two things that she did with her mom.
Is this a situation where your Mom-in-law refuses to have strangers in the house to help? My Mom was like that, and it made me feel resentful that I had to carry the load even though I wasn't living under the same roof with my parents [in their 90's]. I was running back and forth between houses, neglecting my own house, neglecting my own health, and neglecting my career. And if someone said to me take time for myself, I would wonder what world they were in.
My sig other thought he was helping a lot, but in reality it was more like 20% with me doing the 80%. We had many a fight over that. Same odds when it came to caring for my own house. Nothing worse then coming home to find not one chore was done day after day. I was exhausted and it took a major toll on my health.
Read up on everything you can about your Mom-in-law's health, that way you can talk to your wife about it. This website here is a store house of information. Or ask us question here, we will have answers or help you find answers.
Your post confused me a bit at first because you attempted to write in the 3rd person; then switched to 1st.
That 13 y/o comes first, and you should focus on taking care of her instead of dropping everything you're doing to keep your wife satisfied. She's made her choice. Do, however, be supportive without falling prey to further emotional blackmail. Let her know you'll hold down the fort until she's ready to come home. Don't fall for the emotional blackmail.
You and your wife and daughter have had an established home for many years. It sounds like your MIL lives alone. One person should not "trump" the other 3. She should not expect you 3 to uproot your lives (your good job, your daughter's high school, your friends and neighbors, etc.) just so she doesn't have to relocate. Your wife sounds as if she's very controlled by her mother. She obviously wants to take care of her and that's her right. But (biblically and morally) you and your daughter are her FIRST responsibility. I would put my foot down and tell your wife you are doing all you can, (working, caring for the house, caring for your daughter, etc.) while she CHOOSES to care for her mom. Do NOT play into her game. If that's what she wants to do, she needs to find her own caregiving relief.
Wife apparently wants family to relocate due to he mother's needs. This needs to be a sit down discussion; it's not a temporary emergency.
Go to the show and do not apologize for it.
If your daughter is not already involved in extracurricular activities, get her into Girl Scouts, 4-H or something that teaches young women life skills and builds self esteem.
She is 13 and while it's okay that your 13 year old daughter do something nice for her grandmother every once in a while (like visit or bake cookies) do not make a regular habit of it. Until she is 18, she needs to be parented (ideally by both you and your wife) and be around other girls her own age.
So many posters here start out with "....I had no choice and had to....." there is ALWAYS a choice. If your parent is indigent, there is Medicaid. If your parent has funds, there is care at home or care in a facility. If your parent "chooses" to only accept care from family members, there is no law that says you have to provide it.
How about getting some outside caregivers to care for mom in law so that your wife can get back to where she belongs? Have you ever heard the phrase "leave and cleave"? A spouse's (male or female) place is with their spouse and children, except in the most dire and short term emergency.
Yes, go to the concert with your daughter. Consider going to a counselor to figure out why you are putting up with this.
I also suggest that you keep a record of money spent on your MIL. Then share it with your wife.
Under no circumstances should you quit your current high paying job to move to be near your MIL.
What you CAN control is your own parental dynamic. Do it, go, enjoy the show with your daughter.