I'd like to start a open discussion for all us care givers to type out little things we do each week that is helpful to ease the care giver stress and avoid burnout. We may just give and get good little tips and advice. I'll go first: each week I take time for myself by watching a movie I wanted to see, a manicure, go to lake and feed ducks and walk!! Just a few things I enjoy!! Walking each day is a great way to relive stress and depression.
ON another note, yesterday she tried to lay down after I lifted her onto the toilet yesterday to poop. Head on windowsill, legs out straight and poopin. Here I am trying to hold her up and clean her, push her legs back in, lift her head. etc. Both my husband and I had a good cry together once she was hoyered safely into her recliner again, first time together crying, it can be so brutal, this stress is horrible sometimes. Why do I get her up when she cannot walk? because she is so hard to roll, like a bag of sand and to clean up a poop in bed is so difficult! Then....after all the stress and she is in her cutie little furry pjs and tucked into bed I cant stop kissing her and the stress melts away again, until the next time. How do we deal, I have no idea.
XO to all.
RR
You have just reminded me of that!
Some of the healthiest coping on AC has been done just by writing it all out, and frequently. Then, someone with similar (or identical stressors) jumps in, and then there are two, sharing the burden makes it lighter. There are more than two, there is all of us!
Hoping your burdens are cut in half. Your comments about the stress melting away after tucking them in was so heartwarming.
...
Yes, chocolate works for me.
1) A cat will eat peanut butter if it gets hungry enough. Sounds a bit cruel, but I cook a nutritious dinner. If my mother doesn't want to eat it, fine, she can make something else for herself. My mother would have me jumping through hoops if she thought I would make her something different. And she would enjoy the circus.
2) People who cannot toilet themselves need professional care. This is because I am not going to do it. Sorry, but I can't think of anyone I like well enough to do that.
3) If someone is acting hateful, it is time for me to walk away. I'm a caregiver, not a verbal punching bag or a playmate to be bullied. I am totally grown up and no longer ruled by my parents.
4) I am very important and worthy of respect. If someone can't respect me, they don't deserve my attention. This is so important for caregivers. We can sacrifice our self esteem and respect if we get too involved in the caregiving role. We can feel much anger and resentment when we are being disrespected. We are not wrong to feel this anger. It is trying to tell us that we are being harmed and need to take care of ourselves. We deserve respect from ourselves and the person we are helping. If they can't respect us, they don't deserve us.
5) And it is not just the disease. I don't like when someone tells me it's the disease, because I know they are just trying to make themselves comfortable. We know what is the disease and what is the person. If we need to walk away and get out the peanut butter, then that's what we should do.
1) - she would be quite happy to live on her sweet stash FOR EVER!
2) - She needs professional care
3) it is time for me to walk away
4) While I suppose I am very important and worthy of respect, child abuse and years of denigration mean I haven't got to that point although I know it exists - just not in me
5) You're right there too JB
The trouble is that over the years I have been here and because I had never looked into it in advance - and I beat myself up daily for that, I was stupid enough to pay quite a high rent to Mum to cover food and board. Of course now I realise she should have been paying me but it is what it is. My equity from the sale of my house is now sitting in HER bank account and if I put her into a NH I would make myself homeless. Its just a horrible mess and it is ALL MY OWN FAULT and even my darling lawyer says there is no way I can get it back out! Deep joy
MORE NOW THAN EVER!!!