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Hi! I’m just reaching out. Been struggling as my husband is in a long term care facility and as most know, the past 2 months they are not allowing visitors. I totally understand as in there was a massive outbreak in the facility. Husband got it. He survived. He lives in NJ, a covid 19 hotspot.
I agree with banning restrictions. They are telling me they are likely to resume once the country gets back to “normal” phase 3 or once the vaccine comes. Months to year?
I'm reaching out to see how others are coping. Communication with staff is impossible. They did not share covid 19 diagnosis until weeks later. So I’m not confident or trusting.
Is it possible no visits for year? Besides FaceTime and looking through the window (which they won’t allow) any creative ways to connect.
My husband is end stage Parkinson’s non verbal so on a good day communication is tough. I read him non verbally in-person. Not easy in the phone. He can’t speak,
I'm just sad and looking for hope or perspective. Safety is priority. My heart can’t take him feeling lonely isolated and more confused. He doesn’t understand why we won’t visit. Thank you. Be well.

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No easy answers, I'm afraid.

My mother's memory care facility has started something called GrandGrams which are a way to email your loved one as often as you like. My mom also has macular degeneration and can't see to read the emails, but they read them to her and send me photos of her holding the emails. We attach pictures of everything from the grandchildren to my garden, to the cat (LOTS of cat pictures!).

Perhaps you can ask if your husband's place will consider setting up something like that.
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My situation is just about identical to yours, husband with Parkinson's in a nursing home, barely able to communicate by phone, etc. The huge difference is they have a wonderful staff who do all they can to keep us in touch. So I go to the window once a week and we "talk" on the phone in between even though our conversations don't make much sense but at least he knows I'm thinking of him. Can your husband still read? I've written my husband simple letters that he can look over whenever he feels like it.
The entire situation is heartbreaking I know, but I try to accept it as it is, knowing I have no control whatsoever and whatever will be will be, as cold as that sounds. It's the only way I can stay afloat during these awful times. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Francine
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This is a growing problem people aren't paying enough attention to. My mother's home has been in lockdown for nearly two months. No one has had the virus yet (reportedly): no residents, no staff. So why don't they arrange more activities for residents to get together with each other? After all, it is very unlikely they will catch the virus from other residents if all the residents have remained virus-free. There is quite a bit these long-term care homes could do to alleviate the boredom and isolation, and they are not. I think they are putting their own convenience ahead of the welfare of residents. I think they want to maintain their positive "statistics" above all.
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Gracie61 May 2020
What I was told was that even though they take every precaution, they cant control all the contacts their staff have, are their spouses/boyfriend/girlfriend have a job in healthcare or even grocery store? And any staff could be asymptomatic/presymptionatic, so they cant guarantee that any resident has not been exposed every day.

My mom had just moved ALiving a few weeks prior to lockdown, so she never really adjusted, since things changed daily for awhile. She had a contact with a covid positive staff that handed out meds, and was even further isolated, no well checks, just necessary visits wearing mask gown goggles and gloves, which really freaked her out. Once 14 days over yesterday, I brought her home until things are less isolating. Her mixed dementia symptoms seemed to accelerate daily. She wasn't sleeping much, just upset all the time. Have to pay to hold her place, even though, they have suspended move ins at this time
,
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I totally sympathize with you. My mom does have dementia and can communicate on a certain level. Although she is in a memory care facility, my sisters deciding this not me, I spent 9 + hours a day with her seven days a week. I knew what she needed before she did. She calls me and wants to know why I’m not there with her. What did she do to make me stay away? It’s heart breaks thinking about her being stuck in her room all alone 24/7. That would drive a normal person crazy!!! I think if we took proper precautions we could visit at least once a week. The staff goes in and out daily. I just think it’s unfair to our loved ones to spend this time in their lives alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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I placed my Mom in AL November 2019 . Mom lived with my husband and me for 6 years prior. My husband is a stage 4 cancer patient so he is high risk for COVID, as is my Mom, who has lots of underlying health conditions. It's been 2 months since the quarantine in AL and I rarely get to speak with my Mom on the phone since she is very hard of hearing. When I have spoken to her, she is her usual optimistic self, saying she can't wait until my visits (every other day) resume. I don't have the heart to tell her I don't know when that will be. Mom's apartment faces an inner courtyard in the AL, so there is no window that I can access to see Mom. My Mom actually adjusted nicely to AL and enjoyed the activities and interaction with fellow seniors. I am so torn. I want to see her again and I am tempted to bring her back home until this pandemic is over. But I don't see an end in sight! We have a "Get America Back to Work Again" plan. I am waiting for a "Get Our Seniors Back" plan. Confusion and loneliness for our loved ones is unsustainable. Yes, we need to protect our loved ones from the virus; but, I'm afraid the loneliness and isolation will destroy the quality of the life they have left. I have no answers and I feel the pain of all my fellow caregivers. There are so many of us out there.
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disgustedtoo May 2020
Similar issues for visiting my mother. Her room also faces an interior garden, so no way to "visit" through her windows. There is a door at the back of the MC section which could likely be used, but between dementia and her hearing issues (damn close to deaf), what would that do? She'd be wanting to open the door and wouldn't understand.

Between the hearing and dementia, we did not set her up with a phone either. So, it is what it is. No way to get to see her really. The facility has offerings to contact a person about, but nice as they may be, mom won't really understand and is not likely to be able to hear. Very often when visiting I would have to write things down or she wouldn't understand.

They have sent pix, she seems happy, so that's comforting. One was during bingo after a little tumble, and she looked happier than I am! At that point it was closing in on 2 months unable to buy TP!!!! It's also about 2 years that I had already been in the same kind of "lock down" mode, just because of financial issues, not illness, but just what this was changing, along came a virus, that sat down beside us... :-(
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No answer here just understanding. This is terribly hard.
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I am so sorry. My mother is in a nursing home. She had dementia and is quite delusional so it's not easy to Face Time or have zoom meetings because she doesn't really get it. The last two times I cut it short because she was negative and irritable and confused. It's a small facility -- there have been no confirmed cases. I don't think this nursing home lock down/social distancing is going to end with the general "opening up of the country"again. Plus, a Fall 2020 resurgence is on the table. While I might be able to see my mother off and on by the end of the year, COVID-19 is here to stay for another couple of years.
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How heartbreaking your plight is! I, too, have the problem, albeit, somewhat different. My 100 year old, bline, Mother, who has dementia, is in assisted living. She can't dial the phone to call me, so I call her every day or two. She can't see so we cannot use Facetime. The assisted living admins won't let her come down to first floor for a face-to-face window visit. So I have to stand outside her second floor window and smile, wave, and yell up a few greetings IF I can get an aide to go up to her room, where she is confined, and get her to the window, etc. She has nothing but her talking books to pass the time. She can't even work her TV anymore. She just sits in her chair all day, or she sleeps all day. It's tragic!! Now they say this could go on for two years. What are we to do? I wish I had some answers for all the folks who are stuck in this situation.
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mally1 May 2020
I'll give them "Two years" right in their stupid heads! A lot of this is about control, and if we don't get out from under soon, it will never happen!
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My Papa is in Rehab, heading to Long Term Care. The facility locked down the day after he got there. We last saw him the day we moved him in. He has Parkinson’s, is almost blind and extremely hard of hearing - which makes FaceTime and window visits frustrating for him. He asks daily to come home, for now we’ve told him that he can’t until the virus lockdown lifts. We are hoping he comes to accept life there a little better.

His facility hasn’t had any cases of the Coronavirus. I feel so bad for those who do. Peace and strength to everyone here.
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I hear what everyone is saying. I am also in the same situation as all of your are in one way or the other. So far no cases as I know of at the home my mother is in. I thank God for that, for the patients and staff. Even though I miss my mom If this is keeping her healthy ok. COVID-19 is hard on the body. As we understand this virus is hard on all of us. The patients, those that are fighting on the front line of this horrific disease as well as the survivors. She has been through enough. Sometime she knows what is going on sometime she does not understand. But at the end of the day I know she is not on a vent, she is not in a ICU unit trying to stay alive. My heart breaks for all of us. But my mom always said "this too shall pass" And it will. We must find peace when life get overwhelming and we don't now what else to do for our love ones. When I get very sad I think of the times we made each other laugh our talks the times we have lifted each other up. She said "If God brought you to it, He will see you through it". Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". I hope these thoughts are going through her mind as I write this, because It is always going through mind.
Be strong!
ktsmom
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