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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I read that your dad is in an independent living situation and he has Alzheimer's. It would help to know a little more about his situation so people can give specific comments. Your dad is negative and angry. Why? How does this affect him and you? Has he seen a Dr. who has placed him on meds for Alzheimer's? What do you do when he gets angry?
Since you stated your dad has alzheimers there may not be anything that can be done to stop the negativism he is displaying. (I think I'd be angry too if I had that illness; and he simply may be trying to express his feelings. I doubt it has much if anything to do with you.)
Still I suspect if this were occurring to me, I would "feel" it. One way to help yourself may be to simply reframe all your dad says to you. Example: If he is expressing anger at you, just repeat what he says using your own words and adding that you understand those words were not meant for you. (This probably would do nothing to stop his venting; however, it can "implant" some additional information in your own head that his words have nothing to do with you.)
My mother also has Alz/dementia and is angry. It is very difficult to bear at times. Some of her caregivers have told me that people often act the opposite of how they were before the Alz/dementia and this is true of my mother. The negativity and anger is caused by anxiety and stress. The anxiety and stress is being caused by the ongoing brain damage from the disease. Your father needs to be seen by either a neurologist or geriatric psychiatrist who can prescribe medication that should help him. The good news is that there are many medications that CAN help. For my mother, we put her on Risperdal and that calmed her down greatly. Unfortunately, after 6 months, she began to have a reaction to Risperdal and is now being taken off of it. I'm not sure what medication she will be given next, but there are other medications that CAN help. Psychiatric medications are a bit of a crap shoot. Some work for some people but not others. Some work, but only after 6 weeks. Some don't work at all and other medications must be tried. Sometimes the medication works, sort of, but the dosage must be adjusted to get to the right therapeutic level. So patience is required to find the right medication(s) in the right dosage.
In the meantime, you need to know that Independent living is not appropriate for an Alz/dementia patient - especially as they progress along the course of the disease. Your father will need Assisted Living for Memory Care and then finally a Memory Care Unit.
There is a free book on the internet that you should read. It is called "Understanding the Dementia Experience" by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. Google that paper as it will greatly help you understand your father's situation and what is causing the anger and agitation.
There is also a book that may be of help to you called: "Elder Rage...or take my Father, Please: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents" by Jaqueline Marcell This book can be ordered from Amazon.
Depression is always in the differential diagnosis of angry, negative behavior, especially if not terribly characteristic of the person before, or much worse than usual for them. Sometimes Rx for that will help a great deal.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Give us a little something to go on.
Still I suspect if this were occurring to me, I would "feel" it. One way to help yourself may be to simply reframe all your dad says to you. Example: If he is expressing anger at you, just repeat what he says using your own words and adding that you understand those words were not meant for you. (This probably would do nothing to stop his venting; however, it can "implant" some additional information in your own head that his words have nothing to do with you.)
In the meantime, you need to know that Independent living is not appropriate for an Alz/dementia patient - especially as they progress along the course of the disease. Your father will need Assisted Living for Memory Care and then finally a Memory Care Unit.
There is a free book on the internet that you should read. It is called "Understanding the Dementia Experience" by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. Google that paper as it will greatly help you understand your father's situation and what is causing the anger and agitation.
There is also a book that may be of help to you called:
"Elder Rage...or take my Father, Please: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents" by Jaqueline Marcell
This book can be ordered from Amazon.
Wishing you all the best.