His adjustment has not been great and he was moved from the house he lived in for 57 years to assisted living. He keeps asking about going home but in the past week seems more disoriented and thinks he is at a seminary. No one can say whether or not it is a good idea to take him out to my house (daughter) for a quiet Thanksgiving dinner with his granddaughter and wife. The dilemma is getting him back to his residence . Your thoughts please?
You can make a different, but still special, dinner at your own home if you think the granddaughter will be terribly disappointed in not having a home Thanksgiving celebration. However, it seems to me that your father's disorientation will be exacerbated by taking him to your home for Thanksgiving. He may ask to go home repeatedly, but that "home" is generally not the one you now live in. It may not even be a place. It may be the seminary he talks about or simply the feeling of safety. Having you with him for Thanksgiving dinner will give him that feeling as much as anything.
Some people with dementia do very well going out. Much depends on the person and much depends on the stage of dementia. From what you've said, in my opinion you'll all do better if you go to him.
Good luck and take care - none of this is easy,
Carol
My mom has been in her house for 50 years and eventually she may need a facility. Beginning last year I started preparing Thanksgiving dinner here, much to sibling's, that wants to host, chagrin. But this is not about taking mom out to a gathering in a place that is unfamiliar with people she no longer recognizes. It is completely about what is best for mom which also makes it best for caregivers in reduced stress upon returning home.