Dad is in a SNF and my brother has guardianship. My Dad has been in the SNF for 8 months. Things settled down, everything seemed to be contained.
Now that he has more energy he is talking non stop, he saw an itemized bill of the monthly costs (he is on Medicaid), he is engaging a lawyer, says his civil rights were violated, says is going to move to some VA place 100 miles from any family because he can work there for 15$ an hour. Because Vets have 1st pick of jobs. And they have a woodworking shop, a machine shop and he is trained in all those things.
He has found he can make phone calls from the conference room for no cost, so he is calling me a lot. My brother is ready to give up guardianship, I live too far away. No other siblings will do it.
I am the person the NH calls because my brother doesn’t respond or answer.
I am leaving on a month long trip out of the country on a much planned trip with my aunt.
I am also going to be away from my spouse who has chronic pain with fibromyalgia. Right now he is getting more anxious about having a flare up while I am gone.
I am ready to cry. This is a long planned trip with my 82 year old aunt and close to $10,000 paid for.
I am so tried of drama, and pretty tired of being so understanding.
Is there a way to block your father's calls on your phone? That is what I would do with a manic, unreasonable person. I wonder if the nursing home knows about the conference room freebie phone. I would inform them, or just yank it out myself and hand it to the receptionist the next time I happened to be in the area. Wouldn't they want to unplug it and lock it away since it's being misused?
Dad is safe, fed and cared for at the NH. No need to be at his beck and call. Make sure your husband has help available should he need it. And enjoy your trip and your aunt!
My brother texted me and said Dad is being his own jailhouse lawyer, so he is not worried.
He is not giving up guardianship-that is what my Dad told me as part of his plan to divide and conquer.
The nursing home said it was OK for Dad to make calls from the conference room phone-no charge. I think Dad is trying to call me more, but he told me most of the time an operator comes on and says the call can’t be completed. I don’t think he is always successful at getting an outside line and then dialing all the numbers correctly. Wonder how many strangers he has reached.
Dad even went to the NH office and told them to take him off Medicare so he could go to the VA home. My brother said there was a 2+ year waiting list, and they were taking Vets that had service disabilities first.
If I think about the drama Dad has caused for the last 60-70 years, I get sick to my stomach. We are all weary survivors. One sister said our Dad has a goal to live longer than our uncles, and they are in their mid 90’s. He may outlive his two oldest children if this keeps up!
And I did have a good talk with my Hubby about emergency plans.
I am going to the Caribbean and then up the Amazon river.
When I mentioned telling Dad he’s being charged for the calls,, I meant fib to him about it. I’m sure they don’t charge.
Let the home handle him. You may be surprised,when you’re out of touch for a while, he may do really well.
Maybe Dad needs something to calm him down.
Have a great trip. Hubby can take care of himself. I have a friend who suffers from Fibromyalgia and RA and cares for a 80+ Dementia husband, I think DH will be OK.
Dad is going to the office and demanding to see itemized bills. No one has financial guardianship of him. The attorney said not to ask for that since there were no assets at all anyhow. My brother has court approved guardianship of person.
Dad is on a few antipsychotics.
I am 1000 miles away, but was his POA.
And Dad is calling all 6 of us siblings with these schemes.
I just wish it would stop. I just wish he would calm down and be pleasant once in his life for more than 10 minutes. I just want him to be content for 5 minutes in his life.
I just hate, hate, hate this.
I am going on this trip with my Mom’s sister so we won’t have to think or talk about him for 30 days.
(My Mom died in 1964 at age 35).
I do need this time away from the others anxiety and depression. Fibromyalgia, bi-polar, vascular dementia, I don’t have any of those things but they are having an effect on me.
If he is on Medicaid, then as long as the facility is not saying they are not being paid, then why would you intervene? If it's not broke, don't fix it.
Sounds like he has mental illness - I don't see how you are going to fix that and make him pleasant. Sometimes, you just can't do whatever - like I would never even contemplate doing brain surgery. Just not possible. Same with making Dad happy and pleasant. Since he is in a safe place, and has a guardian, then maybe the rest of your sibs and yourself should start detaching. Visit or call Dad when you want to and terminate the conversation when he gets unreasonable.
You need time to take care of yourself so you can return and continue to be the wonderful CG that you are. Your dad does sound mentally ill (maybe OCD, bipolar, whatever) but it’s not in your control. Let his providers take care of it.
I called the nursing home and told them I was going to be unavailable. The nurse said they had me as the first person to call, so it was changed to my brother.
I am going on a trip of a lifetime. I cannot wait. Hope things go well with all of you while I am gone.
Back in the middle of January.