My dad is 92 and officially has dementia. We determined 6 months ago it has gone beyond mild cognitive impairment. Yes, he has some bad days. Yes, I don't agree with some of his decisions but I think that's more just 'him' and not the dementia talking as I believe some of his stubbornness is just because of who he is and has been for many years. But he needs assistance and I do the best I can to line that up for him, as I work full time and can only get there on the weekend. I have been going there every Saturday for 3-1/2 years. I know him better than anyone. We have care people for 4 days a week, 1/2 days. He doesn't want more than that right now and prefers to keep mornings to himself - the care comes in the afternoon. We are close to adding a fifth day. The caregivers are awesome. I'm really happy that they keep their eyes on him and his house is much cleaner! We also have a care manager. There is another service that comes in for physical therapy to keep him mobile and he has another friend who comes over to mow his lawn (he still lives on his own). Now we have a new nurse who does wound management. She has been there twice. I find myself getting upset inside when people who do not know him judge him. She says, "Oh, well, you know. Your dad DOES have dementia!", as if to say he can't possibly know what he's doing. I have found this more than once and it really upsets me. People discount him - count him out - because he has dementia. Like he no longer has a brain in his head and that everyone needs to do everything for him. He wants to keep some independence and I do the best I can to allow that. How do I get beyond that? I know this week I will be doing battle with this new nurse and I'm not really sure what I will say. She doesn't even know him. Sometimes I feel as though people treat him like he's stupid and he's not (sometimes he catches ME on some things!)
My dad went to AL, hated every minute of it. Had big plans that he wanted me to facilitate. Nope, you can do whatever you can manage to do, I could not in good conscience help him. Well he bought a vehicle, got all the licenses and insurance, found a place to live 1000 miles away, loaded up and headed out. I am so happy that he is able to do it his way. He said he would rather die in a parking lot than live in AL, who am I to take that away from him.
Even young people make stupid dangerous decisions, yet we don't lock them in facilities, why do we feel the need to control our elders when they are still viable.
Modern medicine keeps bodies alive long after the spirit has left, this is the stage we need to intervene.
You're doing a great thing by your dad.
Be careful of a nurse, they are mandatory reporters and she could get APS involved and that could be a nightmare. They will intervene when no problem exists and turn around and leave a group of seniors in a horrid situation that should be shut down with charges filed. No sense to their actions.
Keep up the good work, your dad is blessed to have you.
You say that he has a wound care nurse? I agree with Barb about how except for the early stage of dementia, a person really can't live alone. They need constant supervision. I'd try to read as much as possible and discuss your dad's care with his doctor and the care manager to see what level he may be at now. Sometimes, it's good to spend a couple of days around the LO so you can see just how they have been affected.
My LO is in Stage 7 of dementia, can't talk, walk or feed herself, but, I treat her with the utmost respect and ensure that all around her preserve her dignity. If anyone in your care team doesn't do that, I'd discuss it with the supervisor to get that straight.
If you encounter a nurse or a Certified Home Health Aide who cannot properly care for your father, then it is time to move on. I work for an agency in New Jersey called E & S Home Care Solutions. I have helped train and assist with Caregiver training too. Health care professionals need to understand the complexity behind his condition or at least respect his condition.
You should try a second opinion or continue looking. You will find the right care for your loved one. You shouldn't expect anything less for your father. I hope your situation improves!
This wound care nurse is only there maybe 1/2 hour? I wouldn't worry about her. At least she is aware he has some form of Dementia. She will only be around long enough to heal the wound. His daily caregivers know him. Thats the important thing.
Maybe when someone patronizes your father or otherwise treats him in a way you disapprove of, you could politely tell them that Dad is handling his disease very well. Yes, he requires some help but is still very capable, and when he’s not, you will explore other options.
And yes, dementia does magnify qualities the person had all their lives. With my mother is was paranoia and negativity.
What kinds of "poor decisions" has he made out of stubborness? Are they things like leaving the stove on after cooking or leaving the house not dressed for the weather?
My mother's dementia did not change the fact that she was an intelligent person. It did change her ability to make intelligent and safe decisions for herself.