I have a dad with dementia who has been in a nursing home since March. My mom and sister and I are really the only ones who take the time to visit him. He has 3 sons but they don't like to see the disease progress and do not want to see dad like this. Is this wrong to be upset with them? Or should I just let it go and do what I can for my father?
Don’t force your opinion and feelings on them. It will only cause discord in the family and upset your mom. It could cause a rift in the family that might never heal. Do what you can for Dad and support your mom. Be the bigger person.
I used to fret over the fact that no one other than me would visit my LO (cousin) in MC. My parents (my mom is her first cousin), used to visit once a year, but, their health is poor and it was just so disturbing for them, that they had to stop going. Plus, she no longer knows anyone.
It's very hard for some people to see their loved one incapacitated. I try to see it through their eyes. I try to understand. My LO's other family and friends have never visited her, called, sent a card, letter, or anything at all in 4 years. I hear that is not uncommon. It's like they are already grieving and the person is already gone from their lives.
I was resentful for a while, but, I let it go. It won't help anything if I hold on to the resentment. They know their heart and they can deal with it. I released it from my mind. I have enough already to deal with.
I visit my LO in MC primarily because I want to confirm everything is going well with his care and he has everything he needs. Dad still knows who I am and enjoys the treats I bring in so there's still a positive to most visits too. My brothers do better with tasks - build a ramp, pick up some groceries, etc.
Don't push your brothers and please let go of the resentment. Consider how you might be able to make a visit easier. Maybe ask if a brother could take Dad a ice cream sundae because you have a conflict and cannot get there for your usual visit but you don't want Dad to miss his treat and be disappointed. Or maybe Dad needs to more Kleenex or ?