My father (68) is in an assisted living facility due to the fact he has Parkinson's Disease and cannot live alone. But he has not been taking his medications regularly and been acting erratically. The EMTs have been called 4 times and he has been to the hospital 3 times, mostly due to him collapsing because he has not eaten nor taken his medication. I had been putting boundaries in place because I had been running over to him every day, and it was exhausting for me and affecting my job. So I was only going to see him 2-3x per week and calling him. He admitted one day that one of the times he was sent to the hospital, he faked it for attention. I was angry, but then let it go. However, now he is doing it more and more, refusing to take his medication and deliberately doing things that are unsafe for him, because he gets upset I refuse to let him live by himself out of the assisted living facility. He accuses me of causing all of his issues and tells me he is a grown man who can do what he wants. I finally had enough and walked away, alerting the facility to what he was doing and that he was a danger. He collapsed again and was sent to the hospital, but I did not go right away, since I was still hurt. He apologized over and over, and eventually the hospital asked me to come. I got him home, but have not spoken to him since. I am trying to ensure he does not end up in a facility where he has more restrictions on him, but I don't know how to get through to him. He won't acknowledge that he needs help and he needs to stay on a routine. What can I do?
My Dad paid extra when he was in senior living, and even though it sounded expensive, on a per day cost, it was well worth it. At least I knew Dad was taking his meds, as before he kept forgetting.
Next time he is taken to the hospital don't give in when they call you. (obviously unless it is a true emergency)
He has not been declared incompetent so he can refuse medications, food.
Because of the Parkinson's his gait will become more unsteady and he will fall more often. This is something that you will have to accept.
If there is anyway that the facility staff can get him involved with a group that shares his interests, or possibly "buddy him up" with another resident he might not constantly want attention if he is occupied in other ways.
68 is very young and I imagine that he is feeling a bit out of place in a building full of what he might see as "old folks". If he can be encouraged to get involved it m ight help.
2 or 3x a week and a daily call is enough. You have responsibilities and u do not want to burn yourself out. He needs to take advantage of what is offered. Yes, he has an illness that is debilitating but he needs to resign himself to it and he isn't.
Does the facility run any activities or events for residents? Do they have a bus that takes them places? Maybe talk to the admin there to identify other PD residents that he may be able to better socialize with. I don't blame him for feeling "out of place" amongst people with dementia and memory issues. Is he taking any meds for mood or depression? If not, maybe time to consider this.
Is there any way to provide an incentive if he starts to take things more seriously? A temporary ‘escape’ from the AL, for example? Perhaps you could ask him?
ALs are not prisons....if he is as capable as he believes himself to be, he is free to find other living arrangements.
Stop jumping every time he snaps his fingers. You don't have to pick him up from the ER when he goes...they will arrange for transportation (at his cost) to return him to the AL. My father would find an excuse to go to the ER on an almost weekly basis. I did not pick him up ever. That would have been a full time job for me. Maybe paying that bill a couple times will be a wake up call to him.
My father would fake a head injury to go to the ER to complain about constipation because the AL would no longer send him there for that. These seniors are alot more with it than we give them credit for.
You can only 'back off' SO much from him in AL b/c ultimately, YOU are going to be the one they call when he acts up. Same thing with the hospital. AL only goes SO far with their management of elders who refuse to behave. Same thing with medication management; yes, you can put him on the medication management program for X amount of extra dollars per month. BUT, and here's the big but: he can pocket his meds inside of his mouth and spit them out once the QMAP leaves the room. The QMAP is satisfied that he 'took' his meds but in reality, he did not. That's how he gets around 'taking his meds' without actually taking his meds.
In a SNF, they won't send him to the ER every time he acts up; THEY will deal with his antics without involving the hospital *unless it's a TRUE emergency that they are unable TO handle*.
So that's the bottom line, dad. It's up to YOU how things will go from here.
You don't mention dementia as one of his ailments.........but if dementia IS at play here, then he may require Memory Care AL. If dementia is NOT at play, you should be able to get through to him by a frank and honest discussion. Take him to see the SNF he'll be going to if this type of behavior continues at the ALF.
Wishing you the best of luck.