My Dad has been going downhill.. every time I go home to see him, he has lost more weight and can't seem to keep up with what's going on around him. Then he sleeps most of the day.
My mother just had a pacemaker put in, so her days of being caregiver have gone, because she can't do a lot right now. So she asked my Dad's Dr. About a program to get a caregiver in the house to give my dad a bath and help get him in his chair and back in bed. (My dad is completely disabled)
The Dr. actually suggested at home hospice care. Is she trying to tell my family something? I have had plenty of people tell me that hospice doesn't always mean the end... but I have had people tell me the opposite. I know my daddy is declining rapidly and I want him to have the absolute best care... I just wish the doctor would tell us what is really on her mind... What do you think?
But if he's obviously going downhill and losing weight rapidly, sleeping most of the day, then he's likely approaching the end of his life. When there's nothing medically more that can be done for an elder, that's when hospice services are called in to help.
My mother had a friend who lived for 3 years on hospice. But normally, hospice services are called in when the elder is thought to have 6 months or less to live. The person must QUALIFY for hospice also, otherwise Medicare won't pay for it.
People here are making ridiculous/unfounded statements about your dad's doctor 'trying to subtly drop him from her care. Happens all the time.' When a doctor drops a patient, they lose that income generated by the patient as well, which makes NO sense. If this doctor has treated your dad for quite some time, why would you not trust her to have his best interest in mind and simply 'drop him' b/c she wants to get rid of him? That's the ridiculous statement here, imo. The medical people who have cared for both of my parents over the years have truly CARED for them and when it was time to recommend hospice care, they did so with compassion and with good reason. It was because my parents were sick and dying.
In my experience, when an elder is approaching end of life, the last thing that's good for them is to keep going back & forth to the hospital to be poked and prodded and tested with loud MRI machines and needles etc. They should be left in peace & comfort to enjoy their remaining time on Earth. That's the beauty of hospice. My mother was accepted into hospice care yesterday and already they brought her a better wheelchair to try to prevent her many falls. Already they've taken her off of the many vitamins & supplements she's been given daily b/c the nurse feels they're contributing to her chronic nausea. And, at 95, what good is vitamins and supplements ANYWAY?
Wishing you the best of luck getting the answers you seek and understanding what's happening with dad. Peace and prayers sent your way.
They 'see' things we don't and have far more experience with EOL behavior.
Yes, sit down with Dr and ask whatever ?? you may have. Hospice can be a beautiful, peaceful and HUMANE thing to do.
Diseases that do occur such as urinary tract infection or chest infection can be treated in hospice, and will be if that is the pt/family choice - but an infection that keeps coming back after oral antibiotics is allowed to progress. If patient can no longer swallow oral medications, the meds are discontinued - not replaced by injections or IV doses.
Hospices do not hasten death...and they know a lot about meds and other interventions to relieve distress/promote comfort. Conversations about medications start at admission, to try to dispel the idea that "hospice gives patients morphine to make them die."
Talk more with the doctor...and talk to a couple of local hospice agencies. The ones that are willing to come see you and your folks and listen to concerns and provide information are much better than the ones that come out with the enrollment forms all filled in for you to sign!
Ask about staff continuity and after hours coverage...a different nurse every two weeks is not good care. An answering service that calls back in a few hours is not good care. (hospice nurse suggestions)
*telling "her" mother.
My Mom was dying for 3 weeks or 6 months or 10 years, depending on the symptoms, the definitions, and the optimism of the person considering. She lasted longer than anyone predicted and actually enjoyed her failing years more than one might expect. If your Dad qualifies for hospice, go for it. We found the hospice people to be very helpful. The other helpful thing might be to not even try to guess how much time your Dad has.
He could die tomorrow, he could live another couple of years. It depends on what it going on in his body and how strong he is. That strength is not just physical. Mom was unable to lift more than a couple of pounds in her last years (she died at 96), but her ability to withstand disease and disability was astounding. As we all said in her final years, she was "a tough old bird." On the other hand, my Dad, who was strong as an ox died in an instant when he was 62. He was walking across the lawn and simply fell over dead. Try to take some pleasure in remembering good times, looking at photo albums with your Dad, and taking it a day at a time. Do whatever you can to make the journey easier for you both. Hospice sounds like a really good thing for now.
What Hospice can mean is that given the “normal” course an illness takes, with no intervention a person’s life expectancy is 6 months or fewer.
It also means that a person has reached a point where further treatment will not cure or improve their life. If a person wishes to pursue treatment then Hospice would not be recommended but Palliative care could be.
I think your dad’s doctor has done you and the family a great disservice in not fully explaining the prognosis and the reason or reasons she has recommended Hospice.
With Hospice though your dad will get supplies he needs to be safely cared for at home. Your mom will get support as well. A Nurse will come at least 1 time a week to check him, a CNA will come at least 2 times a week to shower/ bathe him and order supplies. They can also take advantage of other services.
I can honestly say I would not have been able to care for my Husband the way I did if it had not been for Hospice and that Angels that work there.
See All Answers