I am two hours away. Mom is wheelchair bound, cannot walk or use left side of her body. Caregiver (privately hired) leaves at 1, comes back at 6. Dad will go out for his appointment or errands for hours. Leaves doors unlocked. Family members have reported on many occasions of finding her alone, sometimes on her side and unable to get up. Dad thinks everything is fine, will not allow a caregiving agency to come in and give her more care.
You want it established and agreed that your mother cannot be left alone in the house?
Who are the "family members" and how many of them are there? Enough to establish an afternoon rota? Enough to gang up on your father and refuse to take his no for an answer?
Also, importantly, what does your mother think of the situation? If she wants caregivers there, then it's really simple - you hire caregivers for her, on her say-so. If not, or if she's unable to express a view, then perhaps you need to ask Dad to explain how he reconciles her being found tipped onto her side with "everything" being "fine."
But in any case, I'm not sure how levelling allegations of elder abuse at him is going to help.
I agree with CM, you need to find out what dad is thinking will happen if a needs assessment is done.
My uncle resisted inhome help for my aunt for years, fearing she'd be " taken away from him". It took a horrendous fall, her with a broken hip, being dragged around on a throw rug by my demented uncle for three days before a family member stopped by and horrified, called 911. Uncle tried to prevent EMS from taking her to the hospital.
I hope that you can come up with some sort of plan, and soon. Yes, there ARE things worse than just lying on the floor for a few hours.
If you are that concerned, then maybe you can arrange to take care of your Mom while he is out doing the necessities of life. I'm sure he would be most grateful- I know I would.
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