I'm 53 and moved in w my parents to take care of my mom before she died. Now that she has passed, my dad wants to touch me and have sex w me. I have said no but he says there is nothing wrong. I was molested as a child by an uncle and this is triggering all the shame. I have told him no but he continues. Moving out is not an option.
Unless it wasn't only your uncle who molested you in times gone by, then your father has undergone an abrupt personality change which takes him very far outside normal. And if your father *did* do this kind of thing in the past, then what the heck is the value of the relationship to you? If you seriously want to maintain it, then you yourself need psychiatric help.
Take Pam Stegman's advice: consult your own doctor, in confidence, and find out how to do what she suggests. Meanwhile, I strongly recommend that you at least sleep elsewhere - do you have any friends who could put you up?
You need to find some place else for one of you to live. I hope you at least have a lock on your bedroom door. But is that really how you want to live your life? I am not trying to be insulting here - truely- but perhaps you should see a therapist about the situation. It doesn't sound to me like you are thinking clearly.
Why do you not see moving out as an option?
You could check with the local agency for aging and social services in your area for ideas and support and the closest women's shelter and discuss your situation with them.
Yes, you want your dad as you would like him, but he is not perhaps the dad you knew. I too think he needs an evaluation. This is not normal behaviour. and signals something going on that needs treatment, especially if it is a change in him from before.
Have you had therapy for the childhood sexual abuse?
((((((hugs))))) for all you are going through.
Your father needs to be on his own or have a caregiver that can handle this - and it needs to NOT be you or any other member of the family, unless it's a male.
Anne, I didn't reveal it in my earlier post, and don't often talk about it, but my father, uncle, brother-in-law and a family friend all molested (or attempted to molest) me from age 2 to 13. One wanted to prostitute me to his friends. So I know very well where you're coming from here.
Anne - *please* come back and let us know what you decided to do about your father. This is inappropriate in ways I can't even begin to describe, and you know it as well as I do. Get out of there. I don't care if you have to go to a women's shelter until you can get into a place of your own. Find a way to make it happen for your own safety, sanity and well-being. This is going to do major damage to you - psychologically, at the very least. I cannot even fathom living in that situation day-to-day, while being expected to provide loving care for this man. This is no longer the father you used to know - and he may never be, unless a medication can be found that will suppress his sexual urges and calm him to a point of being the man he used to be.
Call Adult Protective Services and explain the situation to them. Tell them that Dad needs help to care for himself (if he does - you indicated he is of sound mind, so maybe he doesn't) - and get out of there.
You say you won't have a relationship with him if you move out - sweetie....stop for a moment. Think. This man - your father - is displaying inappropriate sexual behavior with his daughter. Would you tolerate this from anyone else? What if you were a married woman with a young daughter and your husband did this to your daughter? What if you were a teacher and a young girl came to you and said her father/stepfather was molesting her? What would you do? TAKE ACTION FOR YOURSELF.
I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you as a child. And thank you for speaking up and for your strong words to help Anne. I know its terrible situation for any person to be in.
Anne, we all care about you. And want you to protect yourself. Please seek help. There are options! There is always a way out. I hope you will talk to social services and access the resources for yourself and your father. It is not right what he is doing. Please take care. We are all here to support you.
Susan, I am so sorry for what you have suffered at the hands of so many. You show amazing strength and resilience every day considering all that you have overcome in your life. All the best to you my friend.
Often as well, although I don't mean to imply in this situation - the whole story is not being told. Which makes no sense since this is an anonymous site and it's the only way to get a truely useful reply. Anyhoo...
Anne - I hope you're doing well and finding a way to resolve your situation that is able to help your father - without harming you. You are a person of value deserving of respect and personal safety - both mentally and physically. Take care!