Hello, I'm one of children born to my mother and father. They've been married for over 65 years. I'm the youngest. Mom has Lewy Body Dementia. I'm her health care proxy. I'm her "go to person" for everything. It's been 7 years since she was first diagnosed. To a great extent she is in bed or in her wheelchair. I am still able to lift her up onto her walker. I walk her up and down the hall. Sadly, she moans a lot. I believe it's because she has spinal scoliosis. It took me 3 YEARS to find an "angel of a aide." She cares for Mom Tues-Sat for 12 hours. Fortunately, with Melatonin mom sleeps for most of the night. I care for Mom on Sunday & Monday for 12 hours too. Haven't been able to find a competent aide for those days. Siblings won't step up. They just don't have what it takes! They visit once a week and if Mom needs something they buy it for her.
I'm pretty exhausted. For awhile now I've been suspicious of my dad touching my Mom inappropriately. You can only imagine how this is taking a toll on me. Last night, after I put her to bed, she had a "lucid moment" and said "don't let that old man touch you, be careful." I felt soooo sad having to leave her with him. I could hardly sleep last night, had to take a pill. If someone is incapable of giving consent than this is sexual abuse. I don't have much income but I may have to have a nanny can installed. However, if I am right then what? I don't want to put her in a facility. My only option would be to take her home with me. I barely have a life as it is. Ugh...what a mess😔
You don't think this is her dementia talking, but that is pretty hard to be sure of. Delusions can seem very real, and delusions are common in LBD. "That man" she is warning you about may not be your father, but an imaginary person. Or she may have consented to or even initiated intimate contact, and then got it all confused in her mind.
What has had you suspicious of your dad even before mother gave you her warning?
I hope the nanny cam gives you some answers.
And if your mother and dad are engaging in sex, the real question is whether she says "no" and he persists.
Tell us what the cam shows. I hope (for everyone's sake) that your suspicions are groundless. And I understand why you want to find out.