Dad may have a legal problem. How do I help my mother who feels helpless?

Just be there for her, and possibly call someone about your fathers intent to commit suicide.

Chantne, I'm sorry to read of this unsettling situation.

But first, my understanding of being served with a search warrant is that it's served when the police are ready to initiate the search, i.e., right then and there. Has this happened?

I haven't seen such a warrant in years, but I believe that there are parameters established, i.e., searching a bedroom, or a kitchen, or garage. There has to be a reason for the search warrant as well as something specific or general for which the police are searching.

They also have to meet a certain standard of likelihood of finding something in order to get the warrant issued.

Were there any indications what the purpose of the search was, i.e., what the police were looking for?

I'm not trying to pry, just trying to narrow down the outstanding issues, so you can help your father rationalize the issue and possibilities.

If the police have searched already, did they remove anything? That would probably be an indication that they may have found something for which they were searching.

It's distressing that this should cause such anxiety for your father. But I think he has another option before committing suicide, and that's to get a criminal attorney involved. If he can't pay for one, he can ask for a court appointed attorney; they aren't always as skilled as higher paid attorneys, but a good friend was a criminal attorney who took appointments, and she was a top notch defense attorney.

If he's not indigent and has to hire his own attorney, do so, even if it seems costly. It's well worth it, and they'll work out a payment plan.

An attorney can negotiate a plea deal, if there is criminal liability. But better yet, good criminal attorneys know the system and how to defend against charges, legitimate or otherwise. Just as your father knows that the system isn't always fair, so do criminal attorneys, and they know how to play the system.

I worked for a few years in the local Juvenile Court, then the Prosecutor's Office, as a court reporter. It was amazing how often defendants got off because of a sharp criminal attorney. Anyone like your father who's seen abuses and knows the system can still never know it as well as an attorney who's studied the criminal law statutes.

Getting an attorney could relieve a great deal of anxiety for your parents. That would be my next step as soon as law offices open tomorrow. And if he's questioned, he can always decline to answer, especially if he's been Mirandized first.

My feeling on being helpless is to take control of the situation as best as you can, even if you have to hire someone to help.

Facing the legal system is daunting; it pays to get someone who knows the ins and outs of criminal law to work for you.

And, although I hope no conviction is involved, an attorney can also work out a deal that could mitigate any liability and limit any penal action against him.

As to comforting your mother, perhaps she can feel better by participating in the search for an attorney, so she's doing something to address the situation. She could do online research through the online state bar association's web site listing attorneys in the criminal law practice area, or by calling the local county bar association. She and you can make a checklist of questions, and you can help her note the information and make decisions on which attorneys might need your needs.

In my experience, criminal law attorneys are often in small practices, or sole practitioners. White collar criminal attorneys are more often found in larger law firms. But then that's just my experience.

I wish you luck, and at least some measure of peace for your whole family.

Chantne, I'm re-reading your question. Your dad is all but committed to suicide, Is charming, knows how to cheat and beat the system.

Your mom feels helpless.

Does your mom feel as though he's committed a crime, is going to take the "easy" way out and leave her holding the bag? What is there relationship like?

First thank you for responding seconds I apologize for the lack of information within my post this is a very difficult situation for me to deal with and I am still trying to wrap my head around what my role is in doing something a little background my father is in his mid-70s with an array of of medical issues and is a patient in a day program that basically allows him to be independent in the home instead of a nursing home yet at the same time does qualify for nursing home care he has degree in social work and a master's degree in Theology and worked within the mental health Arena throughout my life finally retiring he is extremely bright and well-read is very good at connecting with people and people connect with him he talks a good talk he is enjoyable to listen to as I said summed up he is Charming my mother who is in her early 60s is on disability 4 borderline personality disorder and having pretty severe traits with with it our relationship has only in the past several years started to become something that is somewhat one resembling family most of my life we have not talked I was in foster care during my teen years which I would later find out the issue was because she had untreated borderline traits in which I was a big trigger for her he is very co-dependent on my father and he is very enabling at the same time I could go on and on and on but that basically sums it up fast forward to Tuesday when my mother frantically calls me because the police are out their house with a search warrant made out with my father's name on it from the Cyber crimes unit she was instructed to take the dog for a long walk which is what she was doing when she called me I didn't know what to do at that point for her so I recommended she get ahold of her psychologist for the support several hours later she sends a message and simply says things are okay to which I responded great but what was that all about he says well your father says he probably just downloaded some pornography on to the computer and it for some reason alerted the police oh and they may be looking into if he had been selling to which I told her that he is lying because police do not get the search and seize warrants because somebody downloaded some pornography if that were the case much of the country would be in trouble she said that they confiscated his computer and his telephone and that they needed to file a report with the district attorney but for now this is this and that is that he says that he is terribly embarrassed and ashamed he tells her that he's glad nobody has to know about this which consequently has her questioning her call to me he says that this is basically a little hidden part of him that he doesn't like people to know about but it is not who he is or what he's about and he wishes this to all go away soon she told me on Tuesday that he didn't understand his reaction and lack of concern today she sends a message and says he is house-sitting over the next several days and won't be around he is concerned because the he has a tablet which they did not find or take and he is using it he told her that he wouldn't be there when she came home that if there happened to be come charges from this he would be needing to make some decisions. Here is where I find the struggles first he has banked on that ain't nobody seems to know about this my Mom feels trapped and says she doesn't know what to do because it's basically her saying that he is reporting these things there is no actual anything seeing he isn't saying this I worried that because of my mom's mental illness and my fathers savviness and background it would be very easy 2 make it seem as though she is losing it and I feel like she also is concerned about that I did tell her that she probably should just tell him that she told me which then let him know he does have some support with her he also has been talking with her psychologist I have two brothers both in different states which I also have told the really sad and unfortunate thing here is that conversation between us siblings about this has been very casual not shocking and even a little fun joking between us because for my father to now be being looked at even at the end of this life for him well let's just say none of us are surprised that this little hidden piece of him I finally caught up to him I told my mom if he didn't want people to know anything's he never has done a good job at hiding this addiction as we as children were very much exposed at an early early age to pornography because of it my gut instinct tells me that he probably got himself into some child pronography and I am a hundred percent for him having to be accountable and deal with consequences if that is what it is interesting fact, I happen to work in a group home that specializes in working with juvenile sex offenders so anyway this is where things are I apologize for the length of this I appreciate the support and reading of this I myself and trying to figure out where and why I am having this need I guess to fix things as if I am obligated yet I know I have absolutely zero obligation either parent and assisting them to having an easier life yet I do and that is that again thank you thank you

MAC, EXCELLENT point!

Chantne, ordinarily I would suggest that you contact the Admins and ask them to delete or at least scrub your post; however, since it addresses criminal issues, including child porn, they might refuse to do so b/c your statements could be considered evidence of long term child porn use, and I would think that a reliable website wouldn't normally want to be involved in tampering with evidence

In addition, your post will likely be backed up on Aging Care's servers and would be available if AC was served with a search warrant as well.

Have you contacted an attorney yet?

I said no names, places, etc. I suppose in the larger picture, i didn't say anything that was exaggerated, false, or different than... Just it is what it is. But thank you for the heads up.

Chantne, you're correct, but law enforcement can use widely based search engines by searching on parameters, then zero in on potential hits. If AC was contacted, it would likely have to reveal your e-mail address, which could be traced to your home by a subpoena for records of your e-mail server.

I really wouldn't be too concerned about that. Not even hearsay - it's anonymous online posting speculating about hearsay - it's of zero evidential value.

Chantne, I have often wondered what happens to the family and friends of people under accusation. They are going through hell, but they are rarely acknowledged to be victims and some even find themselves suspect. It must be agonising.

You ask how you help your mother, who feels helpless. She IS helpless. She is not responsible for your father's actions but she is intimately associated with them. That's the nightmare of her situation.

I should ask someone on the police investigative team if they can recommend any support groups for her.

CM I have to disagree. I believe there is cause for concern. The police in this country can followup things to the nth degree to make a case and arrest and convict.
They are likely to follow up on all connections on his computer which will probably lead to other family members and his tablet which they did not find.
The best thing Chasten can do at this time is seek legal advice

If it leads to the police finding a tablet they didn't know about and ought to have done, would anyone mind that much? Either there's nothing on it, or there is.

It's two different issues - the investigation on the one hand, and then rules of evidence. US rules on admissibility of evidence are legendary, and hearsay does not qualify.

Anyway - if the police have been granted a search warrant I doubt if the OP's reported conversation with her mother is in fact going to tell them anything they don't already know. Isn't the question more about how the mother is going to handle the real-world fallout? - and what, if anything, she should disclose to her social circle that her husband won't just attempt to dismiss as her being a bit of a flake?

Veronica, well said; I agree - law enforcement has such advanced tools for tracking down criminals, even penetrating into the Dark Web.

CM, even if there's nothing on a tablet or computer now, experienced techs (and including some computer geeks I know) have the skills to go beyond a scrubbed hard drive on which data has been deleted. They can restore that deleted data.

Um... Good?

I sound like I've suddenly joined the "if you're not a criminal you've got nothing to worry about" brigade, which is pretty much the polar opposite of me.

I do worry about WHAT is made criminal; especially nowadays. Not since the French Revolution have we been so ready to criminalise people who even passively *sympathise* with proscribed activities or schools of thought, and that does freak me out enough to please any of my civil rights inclined friends.

But I am not remotely worried about the police having the tools they need to investigate what they're supposed to be investigating. Like I'd rather they had the fastest cars and the biggest weapons, too.

I would like to say let me start over but apparently that doesn't seem to be an option so I'm just going to put it out there like I came looking for support and how to best support my mother in this looking to see how somebody would intervene being the issue of her own mental illness along with his knowledge and education out of the Denver Mental Health Systems and how to not allowed him to use that and hers mental illness in a way that will make him look better feel better or anything otherwise based on the Limited and recently new building of a relationship with my mother was looking for advice on how involved I even should be who do I call to where do I go how do I start this how do I informed people of my father's thinking and disclosures to my mother and her disclosures over to me how do I work around his education of the mental health field how do I help my mom with her borderline Tendencies and the exasperation of it through this process and what do I do now I guess I wasn't really looking for all of the legal side of it I I was and still am not terribly concerned that the police are going to be pinging my IP information and checking into my computers or my information because this isn't about me I appreciate the time that others have taken to give me the opinions Thank You country mouse for your response thank you for getting it thank you for seeing what I needed and I didn't really think about it in the way that you put out there family members just through Association has become victim of whatever he is doing yes it is devastating yes it is difficult yes it is affecting nearly every ounce of me at this point and it is very difficult to go get support from people because frankly it is not something I just want to put out there to other people and it's not something that I want others to be part of in know about because I feel like it put some sort of reflection on myself even though I know it isn't anything else about me anyways that is that and like I said this is what I came here for and thank you

All you can do for Mom is be there. I think your thoughts are correct. I really feel that her being asked to take a walk was uncalled for. Someone needs to be there for her. I wouldn't worry about Dad. He knew what he was doing.

I understand now what you are asking. Problem here is we're from different parts of the Country. Hard to tell u about resources in a state we don't live. My suggestion, I'd to talk to her doctors. They have years of notes showing her illness. Not sure how her illness could make him look good. If proved by the police, he has done a crime. To be honest, they already had charges against him but need his computer. He could be a saint but he won't get out of this. Just be there for her. Keep as much as you can from her. Less stress is best. Don't allow anyone talk to her without u being there.