Okay, so my dad lives with me for the last 15 months since breaking his neck and subsequent 9 months of sepsis issues and rehab. The PLAN is that he divorces my step mom (came to realize she stole loads of money while he was in hospital, plus his treatment before that), then we sell his house which is not conducive to his current physical needs then go to assisted living. this has been the plan for many months.
The problem - he joined an online dating site and met this woman who is so "boy crazy" like a 12 year old. they talk on the phone and message all day. the problem is that he plans on going to visit her. He is not allowed to drive and is about to get a hip replaced. He wants to take a bus to get there - it is 300 miles from our house!! or have her son drive here to get him.
This just has so many red flags to me. I wouldn't even feel comfortable with my capable 22 year old doing this! I have explained the concerns he won't listen. you would think he would have learned from before. as it is i can't even let him have his debit card. I have POA. I am sure this is bizarre but i don't know what to do and he is going next Monday.
Thanks!
As they say, there's no fool like an old fool...you dad sounds like he's had major issues most of his adult life. It's too bad that his children (you) have more sense than he does. Good luck and keep us posted!!
Let this woman visit him, paying her costs out of her own pocket. She probably won't, which would pretty much solve the problem. On the off chance she does, she and your dad can meet for coffee someplace, with you on the other side of the restaurant to keep an eye on things (in case they try to slip away). A coffee meeting is the standard online-to-real-life fist step, so if whatsherface doesn't like it, that's a big red flag.
I think you should also call the police for their advice, in case the son tries to come around when you aren't at home and takes your dad someplace. Also, do some online snooping, maybe even hire someone who "checks people out", to see what you can find out about this woman and her son.
Good luck!
Dad sounds gullible, based on the fact his soon to be ex wife took him. Dad also sounds vulnerable based on the fact he has a soon to be ex. "She" picked this up.
Look up the term catfish on the Internet. Go on the Dr Phil site, he had a few episodes on the subject, including the football player Manti Teo. Get dad to watch these, even if you need to buy them. Also there is a HBO Documentary and a MTV series by the same name of Catfish. Get dad to watch these, even if he persists in visiting he will be forewarned. Dad is not mentally impaired and he is fairly young. You cannot prevent adults from doing stupid things, you can only warn him.
I do not think he will be kidnapped. I do think the "son", IF he does show up, may hit dad up for money. Some of these catfish simply create lives online without intent to further defraud, others are con artist.
If you have the guts you can go with dad. Make sure he does NOT bring his checkbook. Keep in close touch with him. Have him photograph and email you a pic as soon as whoever shows up.....my daughter is looking forwards to seeing you. The more I think about it the more I know you will not dissuade him from going and that he should not go alone. Reminds me of a blind date a friend dragged me along on in college.
Most likely this is a lonely person, living a make-believe life online...one give away for catfish is they are often model good looks (someone else's picture). After all if you are creating a fairy tale would you cast yourself a princess or a toad?
Best of luck
L
Dad is still pretty young and probably trying to feel young and "still got it" at 68.
Continue to control the finances and keep a close eye on the accounts by monitoring online if you have to. I would tell him that the son and mom should consider making the trip down and staying in a hotel while they meet for a first acquaintance. She might not be aware of his health issues depending on how up front HE IS with her on line.
Put your foot down since he lives with you and tell him you don't feel comfortable with this and feel he is putting himself and your family at risk so as long as he is living under your roof, he will have to meet someone locally. If he refuses, then tell him he will have to move out and hire in home care.
If she continues to pursue dad, then maybe you fill her in on his health and circumstances and if she is legit, she will a take this relationship slowly.
Good luck. Protect yours and dads assets.
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