I think that my father has dementia, but I am not allowed to talk to his doctor. My mother will goes to the doctor with him, but she has her own mental issues and will not talk about this her children. Both parents are in their 80's.
He recently was in a car wreck and he had been drinking too. He said that he didn't hit her, but there was a dent in the other car door. The police were not called. I live several states away so I am hearing this second hand from my sister.
He tells the same stories repeatedly several times an hour. We had a stove replaced and he thought that he fixed it hours after the installers left. He gets agitated at sundown. He gets confused easily. I don't know what my options are and I am just starting to look for answers. So if this is something that has been discussed here already I am sorry.
Any information would be welcome.
Do your parents share anything with your sister?
If your dad does have dementia the Dr. may not know it. If your parents are anything like so many other parents on this site they put on a great show for the Dr., lest he think there is something wrong with them.
But you're right, you can't speak to their Dr. without their permission. Have your parents made arrangements for the future, if they're not well and/or can't manage their business? If not, they need to. The logical choice would be for them to assign your sister POA. This can be done in one day. I downloaded the forms off of LegalZoom, had my dad sign, got it notarized and I never had a problem using it.
If your sister can obtain POA she can speak to the Dr.
Another suggestion would be to go home for a visit and assess the situation for yourself. It sounds like you and your sister are going to have to start combining forces where your parents are concerned. It will be easier if you can actually see what's going on.
I was extremely uncomfortable with having to do this, but it was necessary, I had waited long enough, and now, I'm so glad I did.
That night, my ex husband & I took the keys away...with the car. She was angry, but because she didn't know where her car was.
We told her it was in the shop. Soon after she began falling, becoming increasingly hostile, refused meds by throwing them at me, wandering out at night & almost hurt one of my children by busting a window & running through the house with a piece of broken glass.
I took her to the family doc- take your parent to one- any way you can, even if it's to a new doc. Make sure they know the basic situation before you go, so it'd be best to use a Dr who knows a family member.
A trained professional will be able to see it's dementia by the questions they ask. Even then the doc was able to get my adoptive mom into a state health care home for everyone's protection. He said we didn't have a choice.
Think of it as saving lives of other people on the road, perhaps a child. It will help you put it into perspective. Taking keys away when they're not looking is one of the easier things to do, especially if they're out of their environment, for a visit or lunch.
No one with dementia is safe behind a wheel. Few will admit they even have memory problems. Let the pieces fall where they may. You may feel really bad at first, but you won't regret it.
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