Although he has moderate dementia and neurologist says he should. He totaled his car (again). That's the only reason he isn't driving. I am taking him to the store several times a week. Its a long story but I need to minimize the time I spend with him. I am disabled and I struggle to handle my life let alone his. I'm not sure how we would pay for in home help or assisted living but I figure there's no point in worrying about that unless he will go along with it. I suppose this is really just venting because there's no way he going to do anything he doesn't want to do. He is the king of the narcissists. he says 99.9% of people are stupid. Religion is stupid. Everything is going to H%#$#. I'm afraid I'll go over one day and find him at the bottom of the stairs with a broken hip or worse. Do I just wait until something bad happens?
Perhaps you could then make suggestions such as that you know he's independent and respect and admire that, and want to ensure he remains so. That's why you're in favor of getting help in to assist him in being strong, remaining flexible, etc. as he ages, and so that you too can remain strong to help him.
Turn the issues into something that will enable him to maintain his sense of strength; maybe that will work.
Stop taking him shopping. Just take him groceries - he can give you a list over the phone and you can drop them off once a week. You may have to elder fib to break your availability cycle.
You are probably correct in that you'll just have to wait til something happens before he accepts help. Some old guys don't believe it 'til they see it, and then some still don't believe it.
But now is a good time to at least have an initial conversation of when "it comes to accepting help" starting with your inability and unavailability to go to the store more than once a week. Good luck!
I have read here on AC that adult protective services won't step in until he gets hurt. By then, it's like Proof that he can no longer care for himself and now needs outside help. Unfortunately, I don't think they will ever outgrow their stubbornness.