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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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When I cared for my dad there came a time when I knew he shouldn't be driving anymore. I picked my time and then I brought the subject up. He listened to what I had to say and then gave me numerous reasons why there was no reason for him to stop driving.
I was noticing dings on my dad's brand new car (which he had no business buying--yet another sign that he wasn't safe behind the wheel anymore) and I just knew he was bumping into stuff. I tried to bring the topic up again but again got nowhere.
He had a Dr.'s appointment coming up so I called the Dr.'s office before the appointment and explained the situation to them. I wanted the Dr. to tell my dad that he shouldn't be driving because I wasn't getting anywhere and I knew my dad would listen to the Dr. And having the Dr. be the bad guy took the pressure off of me.
One more time I casually brought it up to my dad and suggested that we speak to the Dr. about it and let the Dr. decide. My dad agreed to this.
Once more I called the Dr.'s office and confirmed that this plan was in place and I was told that it was. I went with my dad to the Dr. appointment and on cue the Dr. brought up the driving issue. The Dr. kindly suggested that my dad stop driving, that it wasn't safe for him because of his medical issues and that it wasn't safe for others on the road. My dad gave up his keys that day.
I felt very sneaky and manipulative and I felt as if I had betrayed my dad but I also felt that I was left with little choice. He's been gone now for 3 years and to this day I feel bad about having to go about it that way but I didn't know what else to do. Wait for him to have an accident? Wait for him to be hurt or for someone else to be hurt?
I guess my point in this little story is that getting the keys away from an elderly person is a process. It's not going to happen in one day. The person isn't going to say, "You know, you're right. I shouldn't be driving. Take the keys."
This is an important issue. Hang in there and enable as much help as you think you need in getting your dad off the roads.
To avoid having him become angry at you, you could
(a) call the Secretary of State's office, or whatever department handles driver licensing and ask how they can schedule a driver's test. You could explain to your father that someone may have seen him driving, become concerned, and reported his license number.
It's what people here call a therapeutic lie - it's for the good of your father.
(b) Ask one of his doctors to evaluate his capability for driving; the doctor can report him to SOS or other driving department.
Start now to identify acceptable alternate transportation, whether it's a combination of family, local public transit point to point service, or a similar service through the local senior center. Bring the whole family in on the transportation issue so you don't end up being the sole designated driver.
As Windy suggests, search this website - there are a number of posts similar to yours with good suggestions on both aspects of this tough issue.
You're absolutely right that it's a vestige of independence and will be traumatic for him. So plan some morale boosting activities to help him through this period. Take him out to dinner, to a concert, to visit family....find ways to support him because he will suddenly feel alone and trapped in his house.
You could also try visiting the local senior center to see if any programs interest him, and consider arranging for him to get Meals on Wheels to supplement his food needs.
Search this site for lots of good info and disscussion on this issue. Some basic red flags, is the car getting scratched up? Accidents? Getting lost? Have you ridden with him lately? Would you put your children in the car with him?
If it's time to end the driving he may or may not be cooperative. If he's not you may have to disable the car. This is tough stuff but it's better than him killing someone on the road.
Also, you will need to come up with a plan for alternative transportation. Groceries, docs, drug store etc.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I was noticing dings on my dad's brand new car (which he had no business buying--yet another sign that he wasn't safe behind the wheel anymore) and I just knew he was bumping into stuff. I tried to bring the topic up again but again got nowhere.
He had a Dr.'s appointment coming up so I called the Dr.'s office before the appointment and explained the situation to them. I wanted the Dr. to tell my dad that he shouldn't be driving because I wasn't getting anywhere and I knew my dad would listen to the Dr. And having the Dr. be the bad guy took the pressure off of me.
One more time I casually brought it up to my dad and suggested that we speak to the Dr. about it and let the Dr. decide. My dad agreed to this.
Once more I called the Dr.'s office and confirmed that this plan was in place and I was told that it was. I went with my dad to the Dr. appointment and on cue the Dr. brought up the driving issue. The Dr. kindly suggested that my dad stop driving, that it wasn't safe for him because of his medical issues and that it wasn't safe for others on the road. My dad gave up his keys that day.
I felt very sneaky and manipulative and I felt as if I had betrayed my dad but I also felt that I was left with little choice. He's been gone now for 3 years and to this day I feel bad about having to go about it that way but I didn't know what else to do. Wait for him to have an accident? Wait for him to be hurt or for someone else to be hurt?
I guess my point in this little story is that getting the keys away from an elderly person is a process. It's not going to happen in one day. The person isn't going to say, "You know, you're right. I shouldn't be driving. Take the keys."
This is an important issue. Hang in there and enable as much help as you think you need in getting your dad off the roads.
(a) call the Secretary of State's office, or whatever department handles driver licensing and ask how they can schedule a driver's test. You could explain to your father that someone may have seen him driving, become concerned, and reported his license number.
It's what people here call a therapeutic lie - it's for the good of your father.
(b) Ask one of his doctors to evaluate his capability for driving; the doctor can report him to SOS or other driving department.
Start now to identify acceptable alternate transportation, whether it's a combination of family, local public transit point to point service, or a similar service through the local senior center. Bring the whole family in on the transportation issue so you don't end up being the sole designated driver.
As Windy suggests, search this website - there are a number of posts similar to yours with good suggestions on both aspects of this tough issue.
You're absolutely right that it's a vestige of independence and will be traumatic for him. So plan some morale boosting activities to help him through this period. Take him out to dinner, to a concert, to visit family....find ways to support him because he will suddenly feel alone and trapped in his house.
You could also try visiting the local senior center to see if any programs interest him, and consider arranging for him to get Meals on Wheels to supplement his food needs.
Good luck; this is a hard hurdle to overcome.
If it's time to end the driving he may or may not be cooperative. If he's not you may have to disable the car. This is tough stuff but it's better than him killing someone on the road.
Also, you will need to come up with a plan for alternative transportation. Groceries, docs, drug store etc.