Also his sexual life with my mom before she passed. Dad is 87 and has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has started discussing his sexual conduct in the past and it is starting to become a worry that he will start discussing this with others besides myself or my sister. How do I help redirect him when he starts these conversations?
Sometimes just being caught trying to redirect will actually accomplish the purpose since that can start another conversation while we start literally walking away from the issue (using the parking lot example).
My dad, however, would keep going back to the issue. Then I just had to cope the best I could with the moment and move forward. We won't always have a "solution." That's one of the many things that makes caring for a person with dementia so difficult. We do our best and go forward.
I do think that most onlookers, when they realize that something is "wrong" with the person we are trying to redirect, are sympathetic rather than judgmental. That being said, I've had to cope with us being stared at as people think "what is wrong with those people?"
We do what we can and develop thicker skin. It's hard.
Carol
Parallel story: years ago, a very dignified distant cousin had Alzheimer's...at a get together at the family home she went into the bathroom and came out naked. Her husband did not get upset in the least, but took her into the bedroom, saying, "honey, let's find an outfit that will be more comfortable." Moments later, they reappeared, she dressed and he saying, "doesn't she look great in this outfit?"
We don't get embarrassed when a baby soils a diaper. That's what babies do.
Grace + Peace
Bob
It can be difficult but you could simply not react to the stories but move on to another subject. If it is a story about your mom (his wife) you might respond with something like "you really loved mom, didn't you" or "mom was great and we all miss her" or "tell me about how you and mom met". It can seem awkward but worry less about what others will think of him or you if he tells those stories to someone outside of the family. He has dementia and will engage in a lot of behaviors which will be difficult to explain - it is simply part of the disease and part of the caregiving process.
In the parking lot example you shared, it may be helpful for you to scan the parking lot to see if there is someone wearing bright colors to whom she might be attracted. They you could redirect her attention or, if she sees the person, say something like "you are right, that is a nice color she is wearing . . . now let's go inside the store and see what they have". Many people are more aware of dementia than perhaps ten years ago so most people seem to be understanding. If they seem confused when she talks to them, you could softly say to them "she has dementia, thank you for understanding".
So a caregiver needs to develop a lists of redirects that fit the person? My sister is a formerly super-high functioning person; sometimes she knows when I am using a technique. Also sometimes, I am so floored by her behaviors that I am speechless.
Ihall65~Your are speaking of sexually inappropriate WORDS that you can choose not to take personally & to look at it differently. I am not a religious person. I AM SPIRIT, who has a body.
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