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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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She can't be allowed to drive. You will have to be the bad person and make the DMV report on that, or get her doctor to. Other stuff, there may be room for compromise. You don't have to make Dad really understand or "break through" his denial - you just have to trick him into making it an adaptive denial where the things that really need done get done, with any face-saving upbeat positive possible explanation that you can come up with.
Certain aspects of your mom's care may be left in the discretion of your dad, assuming he is competent, but when it comes to safety issues like a dementia patient with bad driving continuing to drive, I would have to take action. You could call her doctor and ask that he have her evaluated or check to see if you can report her to the DMV anonymously and request a medical review. States vary on how they handle it. Her life and the public is at risk. I would be upfront about it or do it anonymously, but I would protect her from herself and the public. He could be held liable is she hurts someone. Maybe he would listen if you explained that.
If your dad is that irresponsible with safeguarding her, then he may be doing other things too, like not monitoring how she takes her medication or if she handles the stove. I'd keep watch to see if how she's handling those things too. Are you sure your dad is okay?
mlb523, I think our elderly parents want to keep things the way they always been. They are blind to the fact that they can no longer walk or think as clearly. They want to hang onto all the independence they can, even if it might harm them.
Could be that your Dad doesn't really notice your Mom's Alzheimer's because it comes on slowly and being with someone 24 hours a day he really don't notice the change.
I remember when my Dad wanted more independence and was going to start driving again at 94. He's not physically able to do so.... so he said he will have Mom [97] drive... I had to remind him that Mom is legally blind, but he replied that he could tell her when to turn right, when to stop, when the light is red... then I had to remind him that Mom is also now deaf.
Your parents have there own methods of coping and communicating established over the years of their marriage. Try to become his confidant, support him if he asks for help and step back otherwise. You can never win if you try to come between them, even if he admits to himself that she has issues he may feel the need to defend her actions and behaviors.
Thanks for the answers. I have stepped in and strongly voiced my concerns - especially over driving. He took her keys away a year ago, but just recently when they were visiting I learned she is still driving. They RV around the country and when the roads are too small for the long load of RV/Jeep, they disconnect the Jeep and she follows the RV. That just scares the daylights out of me. I know her doctor said she shouldn't drive, maybe I need to pursue it that way or directly with dmv.
Yeah, it really is time to do more than strongly voice your concerns - from mom and dad's point of view, you are just the kid and your ideas just suggestions they don't really expect they actually need to COMPLY with...you need a "bad cop" on your side here.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your dad is that irresponsible with safeguarding her, then he may be doing other things too, like not monitoring how she takes her medication or if she handles the stove. I'd keep watch to see if how she's handling those things too. Are you sure your dad is okay?
Could be that your Dad doesn't really notice your Mom's Alzheimer's because it comes on slowly and being with someone 24 hours a day he really don't notice the change.
I remember when my Dad wanted more independence and was going to start driving again at 94. He's not physically able to do so.... so he said he will have Mom [97] drive... I had to remind him that Mom is legally blind, but he replied that he could tell her when to turn right, when to stop, when the light is red... then I had to remind him that Mom is also now deaf.