Short version:
Mom and Dad were married for 70 years; Mom died one year ago. Maria was a part-time care giver for Mom and has been a part-time assistant for Dad since then. He is 92, very sharp and still athletic (rides his bike daily, drives, etc.)
In the last two weeks he has brought up multiple times the idea of marrying her and why it would be beneficial for HER if he were to do so. He wants to thank her for taking care of him by marrying her so she 1) gets his insurance benefits, 2) receives his social security benefits, 3) can shelter money from her ex-husband. He says she can still have boyfriends and live her normal life.
Needless to say, I am flipping out. He is taking his paperwork to his lawyer today to talk with her about this.
This is disgusting and he refuses to see that she is manipulating and preying on him. Please help. Any advice is appreciated.
Can she sell and take the house? When she is tired of this game, can she dump him in a nursing home? Can she make medical decisions for him? Can I report her for manipulative elder abuse? Should I gain durable power of attorney? He is of sound mind, but this is CRAZY....is he becoming incompetent?
Sorry -- didn't mean to make light of the hurtful situation. I don't see anything more you can do if your dad chooses to be with the woman.
Koriphilios, on one level this story is as old as the hills: Hilaire Belloc finished one poem on the subject thus -
"...Miss Charming was the nurse's name,
Who now resides in Berkeley Square
And is accepted everywhere."
Only to you, of course, it isn't a story, it's happening. And it isn't amusing.
This question isn't as daft as it might sound: have you broached the subject with the caregiver? What, if anything, does she have to say about it?
In any case, try not to despair. All is not necessarily lost. At first sight it looks as though your father is being the most foolish of old fools, but on the other hand he is thinking in practical terms so he's not so green he's cabbage-looking. Hold tight to your temper and wait and see for a bit. Don't say anything you'll regret later.
When you focus on nonmoney issues such as what will happen if he gets sick, then you evoke a bit of sympathy from me. Yet , I see a bit of histrionics in you thinking this woman may whisk
him off to Mexico if he becomes sick. Why would she do this ? Remember if she wanted to live in Mexico she would not have come to the states. Are you not aware of the instability in Mexico at this time ?
Lastly, it seems you are more than alright financially but for some reason, possibly greed ,must have it all.
If the Dad feels grateful of the wonderful care the Caregiver had given his wife and now him, he can give her a gift of money [or whatever] now so he can see the smile and delight of her receiving said gift. He wouldn't see that once he passes.
Recently I gave my ex-mother-in-law a sum of money and she is so delighted, I hadn't heard her this happy in ages.... she has been a great friend to me even though her son and I had parted ways decades ago. I was going to leave her something in my Will but I had a light-bulb moment that maybe she would enjoy some of the money now... as she could very easily predecease me.
Ok, I'm now a bit puzzled. So having had his mind changed (by what means? - or would I be sorry I asked?) from his initial reaction of 'get lost', he is now contemplating marrying her so that she can continue to benefit from his assets after he passes away, and all the rest of it, and meanwhile she still gets to live her own life, shag whomever she likes, and so on and so on. And what, does he say, is in it for him? What's the appeal from his point of view?
Settlement: She will still have to pay the child support.
None of this makes any sense.. I think Dad is losing it.
Get your own lawyer and talk it over. Talk about Guardianship.