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I have posted before that it's my mother. Now it's me. I am the senior. I have all my wits about me. Still working. My daughter who in her 30's is the problem. Just out of the blue she called us in June and let out a torrent of anger. She is mad that we didn't pay for her college education and that she had to work to put herself through college. She is also mad that when she was 8 yrs old I wouldn't buy her sidewalk chalk. She is mad that one day she came home from school and needed $10 and I wouldn't give it to her. You get the picture. Things that happened 20-30 yrs ago. So the problem is about 3 years ago husb and I redid our wills. We left an extra $70,000 to her and the house. The rest we left to husband's kids from another marriage. Now daughter won't let me see my grandchildren bc. I want to change my will and I have made an appt to see my atty. My question is do I really want to change the will to give all the grown kids an equal share instead of her an extra $70,000 and the house. If I change it do I want to give her a chance to come around and act better before I do this. Should I tell her that her behavior is really hurtful. All these things are for all time and eternity. Need your advice before I go to the lawyer.

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brandywine, my mother wanted to cut my brothers and SIL out of the will because they weren't paying her enough attention. I knew that it wasn't a good idea to do this out of anger. I didn't want her last word to my brothers to be an angry one. If you think you'll later change your mind about the will, I would leave it alone right now. I think wills should be written for logical reasons and not out of emotions. Emotions can change quickly. The will needs to be more stable than that.
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Why would she get more than the others, regardless of her behavior? Did she do something for it? Does she have special needs? Unless there is a strong specific reason to leave one child more, I think the will should divide things equally. And even if there is a strong reason, I think that should be taken care of outside of the will. A trust for a disabled child, for example.

As to her recent behavior -- is she in counseling? Maybe she is working through feelings from her past or long-simmering resentment. Maybe this is a sign of mental illness. Offer to go to counseling with her.

It is sad that you can't see the grandchildren. Let's hope Daughter works things through soon or gets the help she needs.

But I wouldn't tie the will to her behavior.
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Brandy, I went through a horrendous post partum depression after the birth of my second child. I was hospitalized. A couple of days into that hospital stay, i called my parents and yelled at them foe a whole bunch of meaningless reasons. They listened, and my mom said " where are you now? Is anyone with you?" I owned up to being in the hospital. We talked some more and that was it.

B, I'm fairly certain that your daughter is going through some emotional tumult right now. If you're so inclined, call her and lend as sympathetic an ear as you can. If you're not inclined, just leave it be and don't talk about it with others. Respect her privacy.

But no changing of wills based on behavior. As Jessie and Jeanne advise, if she has needs that outweigh those of the other children, set something up. But don't use a will as a blunt object.
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Hurt feelings can linger for years over unequal distribution in a Will.

Don't count on anyone to do the right thing. It rarely happens no matter who the people are. It's some kind of weird phenomenon.

Do all the adult kids know how the Will is currently set up? Are your husband's kids okay with this?

Is your daughter special needs and needs more in inheritance?

Do you and husband have reciprocal Wills?

Lots to consider. I'd discuss the implications with an attorney. Consider what you really think is best and why.

It's difficult to imagine a woman making those comments about how she was not afforded more financially growing up.

Is she jealous over something recent?
Are her student loans looming over her head?

I know that I put myself through college and graduate school and I'm super proud of it. It made me work harder and I leaned so much. Plus, I appreciate it so much more than some of my classmates did who had it handed to them. To verbally attack your parents over this years later??? Odd.

I can't figure out where her resentment is coming from. Maybe, she needs more than an inheritance.
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Providing nice things for your children is great, but, working and making sacrifices for things in your life creates courage and a sense of accomplishment. I wouldn't take anything for that.

Don't feel bad. I'm not sure why she's not grateful. To get an inheritance like that! My goodness. I can't imagine such a blessing.

Plus, I would never speak disrespectfully to my parents. No matter what my age is.

You sound like a thoughtful person. I'd follow my instincts.
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Really like that answer, Jessebelle. 'The will needs to be more stable than that.'
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Perfectly put: "The will needs to be more stable than that."
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Years ago, I helped a friend through her final illness. Her cousins (only living relatives) were no where to be found. When she was ready to redo her will (5 months B4 she passed) she toyed with the idea of leaving everything to her friends who had truly helped her through her 6 year illness. I encouraged her to leave it to her relatives (who were financially more needy than the friends). In Hindsight, I was wrong. The cousins barely did the funeral the way the deceased wanted and prepaid for.! Cousins that had refuesd to visit-- tore through the house and took what they wanted. Feel free to rewrite the will unless there is a special circumstance that is not divulged here. If things improve and you change your mind, you might make a beneficiary change for insurance to her , or make her recipient at death of a bank account.
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Veronica, finances in my home, we are poor, been married almost 50 yrs. She is my hubs and mine. I prayed about it and made an appt with our lawyer. Not out of anger but just want everything to be equal. We have not shared the contents of the will with the kids. We are not close to his kids. I don't know why I am saying all this because in the end there will probably not be much left.
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Brandy what started all this if the kids don't know what is in the will? There has to be something else major going on in her life to prompt this kind of behavior.
Do you think it is post part depression if she has a little one under two. This is a very serious misunderstood condition that is rarely treated properly.
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