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This is a great resource. Each response was helpful and compassionate. Thank you. I will try some of the suggestions in regard to my relationship with my sister.
I manage an online caregivers group, and this scenerio has come up amonst others as well--The best advice that can be given is to let your sister take over, and she will then see all that is involved. Like many of the caregivers in this forum, we do need help and advice from time to time---bur NOT supervision. If your Mom is of sound mind aske her what she thinks-otherwise go with your heart. Be sure you have POA for both legal matters as well as health issues...as it will make life easier...with decision making. Good luck on your caregiving journey, and do what works BEST for you as well as your MOm. Hap
I have a similar situation. My sister lives 25 minutes away, but does very little to help care for Mom. Mom is in assisted living, close to my home. She has severe memory problems and needs direction to dress, brush her teeth, etc. When we are out of town, my sister is calling me with complaints about the care she gets, and that she is "all alone" to care for Mom". I get e-mails telling me if the trash isn't emptied or the TV is not working properly. We tangle frequently because I keep telling her to deal with these issues instead of telling me to deal with them. I have not found a way to avoid this conflict. We have a brother who is 45 minutes away, but we never see him visit even. What a group. In the meantime, I am going over to Mom's every morning and every evening. I need help, not supervision!!
I have the same problem with my sister. I am sole caregiver for my mother. My sister lives in New Jersey and I live in CA. She is constantly telling me what and how to do things. I used to find her input helpful, now it is just annoying. So, after asking her to only offer suggestions to help mom that she could do from New Jersey, I simply stopped having any conversations about mom with her. I told her if she wanted to know what was going on with mom to call her directly. I am doing the best I can and need help, not criticism. I told her to call me when she was ready with a positive attitude. In other words, don't let your sister's issues cause you problems. Ignore them and her if necessary so you can function productively and happily. I hope this helps.
I say if your sister thinks she knows what's best for your mom, let her go ahead and do exactly what she thinks she wants to do. Surrender the control to her and see just where she lands. Go over as a guest, and visit mom as her daughter, not her care-taker, (granted you are not).
Watch and see how overwhelmed she gets and how soon she'll be calling on you for help. I'll bet it wouldn't take too long!
Which one of you is the caregiver for your parent? If it is you, I would let your sister know that her comments are not helpful or productive and to keep her opinions to herself. Whenever she starts in on her negative rants, change the subject or have a convenient excuse for leaving the conversation. Stay calm and be firm. If your sister is the caregiver, she may be overwhelmed with the responsibility and wainting for you to pitch in. Cannot tell which is the case from your post.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Good luck on your caregiving journey, and do what works BEST for you as well as your MOm.
Hap
Watch and see how overwhelmed she gets and how soon she'll be calling on you for help. I'll bet it wouldn't take too long!
If your sister is the caregiver, she may be overwhelmed with the responsibility and wainting for you to pitch in.
Cannot tell which is the case from your post.