My mom has severe dementia at just age 69. Her body is healthy but she is totally out of her mind. She wanders all day, gets paranoid, and is often violent and aggressive. Caring for her is 24/7 job. You have to follow her all day to keep her out of trouble. She'll poo in the middle of the floor or try to drink bathroom cleaner or turn the gas stove on and burn herself. Etc,etc--you can never freaking let her out of your sight, and for reward she just hits and punches us all day. I'm so burned out and tired. I also have 3 kids who need me. Right now she's in a psych hospital to get her meds under control, and I swear she's not coming home. She is going to a nursing home. I just can't take her anymore! I feel horrible guilt over this but I really need to get my own mental health back and focus on my kids. How do you deal with guilt?
I know by my saying don't feel guilty your guilt will go away but I really hope you work on not feeling guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your kids don't need to be around her in the state she's in and it must be almost impossible to care for 3 kids and your mom too.
Please try to stop feeling guilty. You're doing the right thing.
We do feel guilty when we can't meet every need, spoken or unspoken by our loved ones. It's very hard to say "no" and it's very hard to not feel guilt, if you are at heart, a caring person.
It gets better.
I could and would never do what you're doing for one minute especially with three children at home.
Please do not feel one ounce of guilt. As many have stated your family is your priority now.
I guess what I'm saying is try reframing things a little bit and see if you feel better when you look at the problem from a different perspective.
You are not abandoning you mother (something that might make you feel guilty).
Rather, you are making the right care choice for her. (Something that might make you feel proud and capable).
You have done all you can, and now that you can do no more, you are making sure she has the medical and physical care she needs. The emotional care - which you gave her earlier, when she was not so sick - is not so important now as she cannot really benefit from it in the same way anymore.
One that will benefit you and your family all around.
There are professional to deal with this level of aggressiveness.
Thinking about you...