We finally moved my parents into my sister's home after years of trying. My mom's dementia has worsened and we convinced dad that he could no longer live independently and care for mom. He has become increasingly more abusive towards mom (one of the reasons we insisted on the move) and is now starting to physically abusing mom (pull her by the hair, grab her by the face and shake her) even with my sister and her husband right there. They have tried to talk to him but it appears to do no good. Should we call the police when he becomes abusive? We're at our wits end as to how best to handle the situation.
It's been wonderful that you've got your parents into your sister's home. But now dad needs some help. Get him to his doctor asap and explain the outbursts and abuse. He needs a workup of his mental state and possibly meds for agitation and anxiety.
Obviously your dad isn't doing well mentally but the right dr might be able to calm him.
Record your dad on your phone and show it to whomever you are trying to get help from. You might try asking a police officer to come tell him he can't behave that way. I agree he probably doesn't even know he's about to erupt. He's also probably under a lot of stress having to move. BUT you have to protect your mom.
I was wondering about an urinary tract infection [UTI] as elderly males can also have this condition, and such an infection can cause behavior outbursts. It's worth checking.
Video dad and show it to his doctor, not to dad. I would not assume that dad's behavior is any longer under his control.
It's up to you " kids" to take action, before someone else calls APS.
But here's the deal. By moving your parents into sister's home, they become witnesses to elder abuse. If they do nothing, if they are ineffectual in stopping dad ( and if he has dementia or some other mental impairment, no amount of persuading is going to be effective) then they open themselves up to being held responsible for mom's abuse at dad's hands, at least in some jurisdictions. Thus, I would jump on this very scary and sad situation right away, BEFORE another incident occurs.
(((((Hugs)))))) to you and your family. Please let us know what steps you take and how it's working out.
I would also ( before the next incident) call Adult Protective Services and report his behavior so that they are aware of it.
Is he under the care of a psychiatrist? Is he getting meds for his agitation and anxiety? If this is a recent change in his behavior, his doctor needs to know asap.
Does dad have dementia as well? Or has he always been abudive?