How to deal with grocery shopping issues?
I haven't posted in a while because some people had been saying that I was "looking for sympathy"; but I don't have anywhere else to post for advice. I do the grocery shopping; a day or two in advance, we discuss the menu for the week and what is needed (including brand names, sizes, etc.). On the day of the trip, we finalize the list and add anything we may have forgotten about. Then, because I don't drive, I usually take a taxi to the store, which is at a mall about 12 blocks away. Sometimes I may go in the mall to buy something personal, visit the ATM, etc. During the actual trip in the market, Aunty will call me several different times to add things to the list, remind me to get Brand X products, and finally, to ask what's taking me so long. When I get home, she asks to see what I bought, then complains about what I was unable to find ("I've been going to that market for years and I know that they sell it") or if I bought Brand W because our usual brand was unavailable. Occasionally I will actually overlook an item on the list because I'm rushing to get back home. How should I handle this problem?
71 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Difficult thing to admit....Has anyone here had the stress of caregiving destroy their marriage?
- Am I being out of order saying I will be present with all conversations?
- I can't care for my Mother on weekends and my siblings are forcing me. Any advice?
- Where is there support for spouses who are losing their mate to dementia?
I was always taught that beggars can't afford to be choosers, and that applies to the needy elders as well. I don't think you would be out of line to tell your Aunt: "If you're not satisfied with my grocery shopping, I won't mind if you get someone else to do it."
You need to order $60 worth of groceries each time.... if that's too much, then you can order once every two weeks. The home delivery will bring in the groceries into the house.
Time to fess up I think. I on line shop for the most part - it is much more expensive than going shopping the way I used to but it is done in a one at a time that suits me. I book an afternoon delivery always or an evening one with very good reason. Then I lie (yeah yeah OK tell me you have never told a lie) Mum still thinks I go and do the shopping and thatchy then deliver it - I don't care if that's wrong I get 2 hours tops to myself to go and have a coffee/to find a present for Mums birthday (sic) to have my hair cut to shoot the breeze with a friend face to face rather than on the phone.
I know lying is wrong but heavens if it gets me some well deserved break then I will continue to lie - it's only once a fortnight so its not like I got out every day (I wish)
Of course, you could also say to her that if she knows of a better personal shopper she is welcome to use that person for her grocery services; but something tells me you are too kind for that. Do at some point get round to reminding her, though, that being constantly distracted by phone calls and put under pressure to hurry is not conducive to efficient marketing. I.e., if she would only back off a bit you might be able to do a better job. But I wouldn't put any money on her actually paying attention to this fairly obvious point.
Shoulder rubs to you. This caregiving business does try the patience.
I appreciate FFs suggestion about on line shopping. I may start using that in the future. I know your frustration. My Dad will only eat my Moms cooking, such as it is, and even that is not good enough anymore. His dementia is screwing up his taste. No matter what I buy or cook, or micro, it's just not quite right.
I just tune him out. He still eats enough to stay healthy and I'm not going to argue if he doesn't like my pot roast. I think you should do the same with Aunty. She probably has no idea how good she has it with you taking care of her. Don't fight with her but don't let her make you her punching bag. Go to the store, turn off the phone, go home, put the groceries away and ignore her BS. You know, we know, and the guy up if heaven knows how hard you work to keep her safe and healthy. Don't let her get to you.
One way I have found though to make my return home as a shopper a little happier is to pick up one or more items that they especially like, but didn't think to ask for, as a surprise. It helps make up for anything I invariably miss or get wrong and everyone seems to be in a better mood.
I would in fact tell her to do whatever she wants, and also provide her with a list of home delivery grocery stores so she has 2 options from which to choose. She'll be surprised that you threw her manipulative attempt right back at her.
See All Answers