How to deal with imagined memory?
Dad is 84 this year. I'm wondering if he's got early alzheimers.
He seems to have a few of the symptoms they say are signs. i.e. sleeps a lot, once in a great while doesn't understand a word he should know, some short-term memory problems, getting more incontinent (urine leakage) lately and changes in palette taste.
I asked the VA about it and they suspected he might have a bad urine tract infection. Turns out he does and they told me with older people that an infection can cause problems with consciousness levels. i.e. waking up from a dream and thinking it really happened.
The problem I'm having at the moment is his mind fabricated this memory that he has a new girlfriend he met at UF Shands eye clinic where they're treating his eye problems. Supposedly a nurse that works there. Claims that she's visited our home and I've met her, claims she called the other morning and when I checked his phone the last calls was 3 days before.
He seems to be mad at me for it. I guess he's mad because either he thinks I'm trying to sabotage his 'relationship' or because I don't believe him.
He can still use logic to a degree but when I try to explain what is probably happening to him he get's irritated/mad.
His generation seems to equate dementia with crazy and can't or won't understand it's physical.
How can I deal with this?
Do they ever have a stretch where they understand what is really happening?
I'm not sure where it came from but when he said that I saw her when she was here he told me I exclaimed "mama". And he said her name is Linda which also happens to be my mothers name who passed away in 2002.
The other made up memory that supposedly happened years ago that didn't was also tied to the subject of my mother so it's starting to make me think these are weird dreams that are transferring to his awakened mind as real.
I hope you're right Eyerishlass. I just started him on the antibiotics tonight. I sure hope his fixation eases off.
It's just hard when he seems to be mad at me for it.
Maybe I should give him the phone number of that floor of the clinic where she's supposed to be so he can find out for himself this woman doesn't exist.
It is also possible, of course, that he is in the early stage of some kind of dementia. Whether this girl-friend delusion is caused by the temporary UTI or stems from a more permanent cause, it is best not to try to talk him out of it. You don't have to convince him it is a dream or untrue. As others have said, try to redirect the conversation. "How old were you when you had your very first girlfriend, Dad?" "How did you know that Mother was the woman you wanted to marry?" If he is talking about a girlfriend it shouldn't be too hard to segue into a related topic.
If Dad continues with behavior that suggests the possibility of dementia, an evaluation is in order. But do wait until the UTI is completely cleared up.
UTI's can cause significant personality changes in an elderly person. See if this fixation doesn't lessen with some antibiotics.