Hello all, I have an 83-year-old mother. She has short-term memory issues, and there may be more. She also has very poor judgment, and imagines things. We are planning to get her fully evaluated, but, in the meantime, we have to deal with numerous issues she is creating for herself and my 90-year-old dad. She is the primary caregiver to my dad. Because of the issues I mentioned, she is doing a very poor job, and started putting his life in danger. We tried to get her a live-in caregiver. She refused. We tried to get her move closer to my brother, she refused. We are considering taking her under conservatorship but she will still refuse a caregiver/a move. How do people deal with issues of this type? I would very much appreciate your suggestions.
There really wasn't much I could do except provide support to both. This included all the household things, like shopping, cleaning the hoard, and cooking dinner. It also included new rules on bathing and medication. I couldn't come in and take over all at once. I had to do things as I could. The situation has never been ideal and is very hard on me, but somehow it has worked.
The only advice I know is to do what you can. This may be things as simple as buying and cooking nutritious foods and making sure the place is clean enough. Try to stop your mother from making unwise choices. Sometimes you may need to call in a brother or a friend to talk to her, since caregivers can be ignored. Don't blame yourself if your mother won't let you do something. Don't sweat the small stuff. I often have to stop to think if something really matters or if I can let it slide. Good luck putting a good strategy together. It isn't easy to help when one of the parents is dominant and difficult.
I hate to say this, but usually we need to wait for a medical crises to happen. Usually it will be a major fall, but don't hold your breath, Mom will come home and continue like nothing had happened, until the next major fall. I had to wait for that second big time fall, thus my Mom spent her final months in long-term-care.
For me, all I could do is go into sheer panic any time the telephone rang and it was my parent's Caller ID. And many, many sleepless nights.
I'd seek legal counsel and find out what evidence you need to proceed with Guardianship. I'd ask about whether both need it, since it seems neither are competent to protect themselves. A lawyer should be able to explain what you need and guide you through it.
If you're appointed Guardian, you make the decisions and it's not for mom to agree or not agree. The court allows you that authority and it will be carried out, regardless of her resistance. It's great when people will cooperate and do things that are in their best interest, but, if they are not capable of doing that, it has to be done for them.
Does anyone have DPOA or HCPOA for dad?